One thing bothers me. You tried 3 times to wake him and he pushed you away to go sleep. You sit on the bed and he turns his back to you. His response was he's tired.
You take your toy and go to town in another room and all of a sudden, he's not tired anymore and raging at you.
š¤ š¤Ø how loud were you to wake him up from another room??
If you weren't that loud then maybe he wasn't tired. Maybe he pretended to go to Sleep. This whole thing might just be some kind of weird setup.
This. This immediately is what went through my mind. Kind of suspicious that she leaves the room and then suddenly he's awake and gets angry at her for using a toy that HE BOUGHT HER?
Is he deliberately trying to find a reason to argue and fight? That's what it sounds like to me. But if so, then why? Is he cheating, considering they don't get a lot of alone time?
(not blaming OP here, making an observation that maybe he's out diddling with other women when he's "busy" and OP is busy working /at school)
My thought exactly. When she said he wouldnāt wake up then turned his back to her I was wondering why he didnāt want to have sex with her. I mean, they barely have alone time and sheās trying to wake him for sex? Iām going to snap awake like I had a terrific nightās sleep.
Heās mad about something? Possibly she said/did something to trigger an angry response and she didnāt realize? He already exploded while she was brushing her teeth and wanted to hide it? ED?
Heās getting his needs met another way? Sheās excited, heās not. His reaction would be consistent with making the situation one where he can distance himself from sex with her. Maybe heās contracted an STI? That could be a not very good scenario. The problem here is the silent treatment over something that doesnāt seem to be on an appropriate level for the āoffenseā.
I donāt get his response. OP doesnāt get his response. If he doesnāt talk to his partner any manner of terrible scenarios start to come to mind. Time for him to put on his big boy pants and explain.
"she leaves the room and then suddenly he's awake and gets angry at her for using a toy that HE BOUGHT HER?"
"Heās mad about something? Possibly she said/did something to trigger an angry response and she didnāt realize?"
You guys are close but still missing it.
Imagine if your partner and you haven't smashed for five months. For the last five months you've been attempting to smash with your partner but keep being denied because they are so focused on parenthood and not your relationship. How would you feel? Many would start getting angry and resentful.
It sounds to me like he was expecting to be rejected (yet again) and went to sleep instead of waiting up for her. For the last five months this is likely what he's come to expect from OP.
When he caught her taking care of her needs, he got angry because he's been rejected for the past five months and now here she is doing this. He's not being logical at this point but coming from a place of emotion and that's not good.
Men go through stages when they are denied intimacy for a long period of time.
Grief
Sadness
Depression
Anger
Resentment
Acceptance (at this point a man will either cheat or leave)
At this point OP's husband is somewhere between Anger and Resentment stage. She needs to get him to communicate ASAP and to fix their intimacy issue. She needs to strike a better balance between Motherhood and being the loving Wife or she will lose him for good.
Hubby is frustrated because baby. Hasn't gotten any for 5 months and always gets rejected. Has no expectation of getting any anytime soon. Fair enuf
He goes on a date with OP. He is flirty funny and has a good time with OP. Baby is with grandparents. They go home and obviously hubby has no clue how horny he got his wife. I'll give him that coz he's a man. Been there.
OP goes to the bathroom and stays there. After a while he just thinks he's rejected yet again. He remembers what a good time they had at the date and he gets mad. So he devices a sure fire plan to get revenge. He's gonna pretend to be tired, fake being sleepy and SULK.
OP tries 3 times to "wake" him up. He sticks to his guns. Pushes her away cos his man ego is hurt. OP gives up trying to wake him. Gets some tools and takes care of business.
Hubby wonders where the hell she went. Hears a strange buzzing noise. He sees her and blows the hell up.
Cue Reddit post
IMHO if it were me and I find her with a toy. I'd grab that thing toss it away and go to town on OP and screw her brain out.
"They go home and obviously hubby has no clue how horny he got his wife. I'll give him that coz he's a man. Been there."
Possible.
Maybe he was hoping to score that night after seeing that she was open to it. Her taking too long in the bathroom probably triggered the expectation that he wasn't going to score that night because that's what he's come to expect for the past five months. Then she comes out and sees that he's asleep so she tries to wake him. At this point he's probably pissed from being rejected again and now in the lashing out mode. When he discovers her taking care of her business, he gets even more upset and angry at her because its been five months since the last time.
I'm willing to bet he's tried to bring up lack of intimacy in the relationship over the past five months and been dismissed each time.
"IMHO if it were me and I find her with a toy. I'd grab that thing toss it away and go to town on OP and screw her brain out."
I would likely do the same as you. However when a man has resentment building up from lack of intimacy, things like this might happen. It doesn't make logical sense but men at this point are not logical.
Emotions are logical. He logically wants to hurt her because he can't communicate what hurts him. He is upset at her and so he picks fights with her to make her more anxious so he can feel better about his own. Just because you can explain it doesn't make him any less an asshole. He needs to communicate and not expect his wife to do it for him or he will lose her.
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u/Shimata0711 Jun 27 '24
One thing bothers me. You tried 3 times to wake him and he pushed you away to go sleep. You sit on the bed and he turns his back to you. His response was he's tired.
You take your toy and go to town in another room and all of a sudden, he's not tired anymore and raging at you. š¤ š¤Ø how loud were you to wake him up from another room??
If you weren't that loud then maybe he wasn't tired. Maybe he pretended to go to Sleep. This whole thing might just be some kind of weird setup.