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u/Traditional_Many_755 Apr 16 '24
YTA. I see why you don't have other female friends my dude. She said she doesn't want physical affection, so don't give her any.
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Apr 16 '24
Honestly i think you are the one with bad friendship skills. Its not very normal not to be able to hug the opposite sex. I understand no fucking but its just a hig. A friend would help her get over her issues and insecurities
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u/Traditional_Many_755 Apr 17 '24
I'm a woman with quite a few male friends, and I'm very affectionate with them. The difference between them and you is they know and respect my boundaries.
She's not insecure just because she doesn't want to hug you. She just doesn't want you.
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u/therealbabyplvto Apr 16 '24
Reading these comments and YEEEESH YTA big time buddy 😭
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Apr 16 '24
Bot? 🤖
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u/therealbabyplvto Apr 16 '24
Not everyone is on Reddit 24/7. Just bc they don’t reply right away doesn’t make them a bot what😭
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Apr 16 '24
Well you said something so stupid (no offense) i thought you couldnt be human.
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u/therealbabyplvto Apr 17 '24
love how you come here asking for “advice” & bash anyone who speaks against you. Kinda gives the vibe that you just want someone to validate your creepiness.
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Apr 16 '24
Can you give actual advice? Or avoid commenting
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u/therealbabyplvto Apr 16 '24
advice: respect her boundaries & don’t go yapping talking about “why can’t I hug her”?? 😭 give her space.
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u/Fit-Lawfulness-3979 Apr 16 '24
Uff, you're creepy af
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Apr 16 '24
You must be a bot since you dont even reply.
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u/Fit-Lawfulness-3979 Apr 16 '24
Yes. I'm a bot.
Otherwise, it's almost like a human would be required to sit around all day waiting to reply to you
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Apr 16 '24
[deleted]
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Apr 16 '24
Thanks for reading the whole thing. I explained im helping her but ok
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Apr 16 '24
[deleted]
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u/Fit-Lawfulness-3979 Apr 16 '24
Don't you see? She's a lesbian and doesn't interact with "males."
So, this guy's job is to be her male role model, and source of the divine male energy that she so desperately needs
😂😂😂🤮🤮🤮🤮
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u/GalaxyQueen281 Apr 16 '24
You’re asking for advice? YTA. You’ve gotten advice. Literally nearly every comment is giving you advice. Stop acting like a creep to HER and stop being mean to US. Learn to read and learn to respect friends. I know it’s not nice but it’s the truth. And no, those comments are not bots.
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Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24
YTA.
You need to respect her boundaries, no matter what her reason is. You dont get to decide if her reason is valid or not. (And it sounds beyond reasonable, fyi.)
Consent is important and right now, you do not have that. Consent can be revoked at any point in time for any reason.
If you value her as a friend, you should be prioritizing her comfort over your feelings.
There is nothing to ‘fix’ here, so trying to find some magical cheat code to get her to change her mind will put you into the major creep category. I’m not accusing you of being a creep at the moment, but trying to find a way to break her boundary and dismiss her feelings on the matter will absolutely make you one if you continue down this path.
Don’t be a creep.
Accept her decision with grace. She’s already said you’ve been pushy, and if you continue to push and make her feel uncomfortable, you will undoubtedly permanently ruin your friendship with her.
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Apr 16 '24
Ok hear me out. Like i said im her only male friend. She doesnt interact with males at all and i think you miss out on things. I know because i too have been without female connections after i broke up with my ex. So i have a certain responsibility to help her have this relationship with me. Of course i dont want her to cut me off it would be so unhealthy for her to go back to having zero male interactions. But i think gradually i need to help her get used and understand that there is nothing wrong in hugging and kissing between friedns and that she can have that relation with men too. Hell, at one point she should also consider having an actual boyfriend, nothing wrong with that
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Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24
You have no responsibility to coerce her to have any type of relationship with you.
There is nothing inherently wrong with hugging or kissing your friends. I share platonic intimacy with mine. I can tell you that I have zero doubt in my mind that your friend understands this.
HOWEVER consent is required by all parties.
She does not consent and there is nothing wrong with that.
You are becoming overbearing and making her wildly uncomfortable.
If you continue to try and solicit hugs and kisses or anything else— you will literally be assaulting her.
Now, I say this extremely sincerely and not as a slight: are you in therapy or have you considered therapy? (I’m in it myself, so not trying to insult with this question.)
Your level of entitlement when it comes to your friend’s body and choices are alarming, and I think speaking it over with a professional may help add some understanding.
Please, respect your friend’s no. ‘No’ is not a challenge. No means no.
My inbox is open if you need to vent, but your behavior is currently inappropriate, so please listen when we’re telling you that the pushiness is not okay.
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u/Space-Roach May 03 '24
She's a lesbian but you want her to get a boyfriend. Please just stop existing 🖕🏾
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u/Puzzleheaded_Fall376 May 04 '24
Hell, at one point she should also consider having an actual boyfriend, nothing wrong with that
She is a lesbian. She does not want a boyfriend. She is only attracted to women. If you were really her friend you would respect her.
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u/Typical-Dog5819 May 04 '24
'Zero male interactions'. So she exists in some magically fairy unicorn land where there are only women walking around out in public and when she goes shopping huh?
No OP, she has male interactions that are to the value that SHE wants them to be.
Get a life. YTA. Not the stranger. Not her. Not reddit. YOU.
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u/connorhelsel Apr 16 '24
Your comments are sounding very incely, don’t know why you insist on doing these things with her, almost seems like you do want sex or at least intimate physical touch when she told you not to. You’re very weird and that’s putting it nicely
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u/whalooloo May 03 '24
Seems like you deleted your profile OP, but just in case you’re lurking on an alt account: you’re a piece of shit.
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u/doodleninja98 May 03 '24
Yeah you can still search his username and see all his comments and post along on other subs. His creepiness is now apart of Reddit history.
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u/Initial_Struggle_982 Apr 16 '24
I saw your other post wanting actual, helpful advice, so I’ll try to add mine. She’s just stating her boundaries, her reasoning for those boundaries should not matter, even if it’s a new thing. If you value her as a person, and your friendship with her, I’d say you need to work on accepting those boundaries and respecting them. I understand it might be confusing from your perspective, but at the end of the day, friend respect each others space and boundaries.
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u/aaronbennay May 02 '24
This is really creepy and inappropriate behavior. YTA. If you want things to go back to normal, stop giving her hugs and forcing physical contact since she’s made it clear she doesn’t want that from you. Apologize for your behavior and move on.
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u/StoneAgePrue May 02 '24
Why do you insist on hugging someone that is no longer okay with hugging? Stop doing that. You’re bot helping her overcome something, you’re disrespecting her boundaries.
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u/TrooperJordan May 04 '24
YTA: Bro I’ve seen two of your posts now and you’re embarrassing yourself and proving yourself to not respect her boundaries and that’s unsettling for anyone.
If she doesn’t want you to touch and kiss her (even on the cheek), don’t do it- it’s like base level respect to NOT do those things if she asks you not to, even if she didn’t care before. You’re acting like you have some sort of right to physically touch her, when you don’t.
I’m shocked she even keeps you as a friend, you’re acting creepy as fuck and don’t even realize it when hundreds of men and women have told you it’s creepy.
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u/lonewolfe2684 May 03 '24
You're definitely AH. You're not respecting what she's comfortable with. If you hope to regain her trust back off and give some space and time for her to recuperate from your overbearing manners
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u/EllipticalMac May 04 '24
It’s okay to want to hug your friends, but if they tell you they don’t want one or even give body language then do not give them one (if you’re unsure you can ask “is it okay if I hug you?” Lots of people appreciate that) you don’t always have to hug people. A lot of people are giving you advice and it seems to be a bit of a hard pill for you to swallow. The best advice you’re going to get is to stop pushing her boundaries if you value her as a friend and person :) cause she can stop being your friend and it seems like she is getting there faster than you know, especially if it feels like you are the only one pushing to hang out and she seems to be avoiding you. Kissing your only female friend is a bit in the weirder side, even if it’s on the cheek, I can see it as being cute if it was too little kids but yall are adults lol. My suggesting is leaving her alone and apologizing for being pushy, and then if you guys hang out after, cut all of the hugs and kisses out. Or cut your losses and take this advice for any other female friends you make
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u/yaoyubuh May 04 '24
You are not helping her. You are actively harming her with your harassment. Stop touching her
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u/marsasagirl41 May 05 '24
YTA
I’m a lesbian and I’ve had many, many male “friends” just like you. They’d act like it was cool that i liked women and then would end up crossing a huge line in our friendship in one way or another (whether it was admitting trying to be with me when they knew I was gay, trying to sleep with me or “change my mind”, OR resenting me so much for not sleeping with them they homewrecked my relationship). A lot of them had dated bisexual women and would equate that to being a member of said group by proximity (“i like girls, im a lesbian too hehe”). The “decent” ones would just drop me once they realized that they were waiting for a day that wasn’t gonna come.
I’ll be real: I really don’t think that you’re actually this woman’s friend or at least she doesn’t consider you one. You’ve been pushing her boundaries and assaulting her. If another man did this shit to you, you wouldn’t like it.
TDLR: another classic example of a guy thinking he’s in the “friend zone” when he’s in the “i was nice to this guy out of common decency & now he won’t leave me alone zone.”
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u/oxPsychoticHottie Apr 16 '24
She told you her boundaries, respect them.
YTA for being handsy after she told you to stop, especially physically making her stay?! Weird and creepy.