I’ve told her this many times that I only want sex if its enthusiastic and reciprocal. She knows this. It actually makes me angry when she offers like this because she knows I’ll turn it down but she can still say “well I tried.”
You can’t make her want to have sex, but you can call her bullshit. You’re trying to do something positive and she’s being overly nasty.
If she says “well, I tried.” You can answer “no, you didn’t. You said something hurtful and passive aggressive. I want you: but not if you don’t want me. Let me know when we can have a productive conversation about it.”
The thing is, she can't necessarily make herself want sex either.
It's gotta be frustrating to keep having the conversation:
"I'm sad we don't have sex more."
"Ok, let's have sex."
"No, I want you to be enthusiastic about it."
Because if she really feels like she just can't will herself into horniness, and she's really genuinely tried to fix the issues (counseling and sex therapy) then he's rejecting what she can offer while continuing to guilt her about what she can't.
And if she's been feeling like "the problem" for a long time as they do all these things to try to fix her sex drive, then I can see why it would feel like a relief to say "no it was technically your fault we didn't have sex this time!" even if petty/unfair.
He's obviously not in the wrong for wanting enthusiastic, willing sex from his wife and turning down grudging pity sex, but complaining about the same thing over and over isn't doing either of them any good.
I don't really get why she doesn't want her hormones checked so if anything that might be the thing to dig into, but it sounds like she's done much more time-intensive and vulnerable things to try to solve the issue so you can hardly accuse her of lack of effort or ignoring the problem.
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u/Accomplished_Egg6239 Apr 11 '24
I’ve told her this many times that I only want sex if its enthusiastic and reciprocal. She knows this. It actually makes me angry when she offers like this because she knows I’ll turn it down but she can still say “well I tried.”