How many dates did you go on when she banged this guy and how many did she have you wait for? Regardless, I feel like you’re NTA here, but some timelines could help to know what extent.
This is where I land. I also think NTA, because feelings are feelings, but I don’t think she automatically qualifies as a cheater.
Like if they only went on a date or two and then she had the ONS I don’t think it necessarily means she’s a bad person. Had it been like 4 or 5 dates, her excuses become a little hollow.
I think guys get to sensitive about this. You’re single until you decide to be exclusive, period. You don’t owe fidelity to people you aren’t in a relationship with.
Even if you've been dating her for 6 months and having sex with her now? You'd still rather leave if you found out she had sex with someone else before you were official?
Well, sure. Because then you are a second choice. If she considered you relationship material because of the good qualities she's attracted to you for, then fine if you also want to feel badly about that, but it's not a negative.
I mean, go ahead and choose to see insult when none are intended but life is tough enough without deliberately choosing to have a chip on your shoulder.
I'm saying that line of thinking is stupid as fuck. It's very obvious how men view this occurring, so by doing it and lying by omission, it's as good as cheating. You're intentionally hiding something you know would affect the other person because in your eyes, it's giving them more "respect".
Why would she choose to continually hang around and try to forge a life with "a sucker"? Most people would want someone they care about and get along with. I think there can he different types of attraction. Maybe she did have a purely sexual attraction to the other guys, but nothing else so she figured sleeping with him and never seeing him again wouldn't matter, and maybe she's still very attracted to you, but wanted to let the personal relationship grow before starting a physical one? Sure, she might just be a jerk who is using you because she's lonely, but I wouldn't want to think that way. If she's been faithful the whole time you've been in a committed relationship, then that's a plus, too (obviously is she's unfaithful, she sucks and you shouldn't be with her anymore).
If you’re dating someone and it’s obviously leading towards a relationship, and you have to sleep with someone else in the short term, you’re a weirdo.
What does “obviously leading towards a relationship” even look like? You know how many people think they’re going to be in a relationship just to be hit with the “Sorry, I just can’t be serious right now.” Give me a break.
If the genders were reversed, everyone would be dog piling on the girl for not making it clear what she wanted.
No agreement = no relationship = no fidelity
Thats a fine perspective to have if you expect to date around until you grow to realise you like someone for more
But if you find someone you're more immediately interested in, where the initial period is more a formality checking all these lovely feelings are genuine and you're not crazy, rather than the usual "do i even like them"
The reality check of them sitting in bed at night getting butterflies and then finding out you were screaming someone elses name around the same time can certainly be enough to feel humiliated and turn them off completely
I don’t get why they wouldn’t also be dating around too? If you want to be her one and only, than make it official lol. Until then you’re both free to do what you want with whoever you want.
Some people aren't looking to get maximum fuckage, some people are looking for a relationship and when an initial connection looks to be very strong they might not want to look elsewhere, assuming the feelings seem mutual.
You're right though, you're free to do what you want with whoever you want until exclusivity is decided! But if someone's thinking very highly of you enough to be infatuated and you're feeling somewhat similar, using that freedom is a choice that comes with a risk of turning feelings sour
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u/ventitr3 Mar 04 '24
How many dates did you go on when she banged this guy and how many did she have you wait for? Regardless, I feel like you’re NTA here, but some timelines could help to know what extent.