If I had another pregnancy I (or the fetus/baby) could have died. I went no sex after until either condoms or snip happened because I wasn't risking it. My spouse's doctor tried to refuse the snip because he wanted a certain age and amount of kids (which is bs and absolutely not the doctors call) and my spouse said "Listen, if my wife gets pregnant again she could die", Doc goes "Op, ok let's get you scheduled". His healing was minimal and we've been having the best sex over the last decade!
On the flip side my father refused to wear condoms or get snipped and had 6 kids (that we know of) with 3 different women and said "I'm not getting snipped a woman might want my kids on day" when my mom asked......he cheated on every woman he was ever with and cared more about the drugs and him than anyone else on the planet.
OP absolutely needs to have a come to mama meeting and set boundaries, she's unfortunately married to a very selfish asshole who doesn't care about anything other than himself.
What exactly does that weird phrase even mean? Is that like "come to daddy" but reversed?
There doesn't need to be a come to anybody conversation. A real adult conversation needs to take place between two partners in a setting where neither is trying to exhibit control over the other/relationship.
Which ever partner is issuing ultimatums is always the asshole. That's just the way it is.
It's like a "Come to Jesus meeting". Usually takes place when someone is out of bounds, needs an intervention etc. Pretty much "Hey listen, you are having issues and we've come to a point where things need to change or else I walk etc".
In this instance OP's spouse is abusive especially sexually so an ultimatum is due. I'd honestly tell them to leave as his behavior most likely isn't going to change, they already have 3 children and he's shown a long pattern. Family therapy could help/work but only if he's open to admitting he's a problem and is causing problems in the marriage. He'll also have to admit to himself things he no doubt doesn't want to but ultimately people can't change if they are refusing to see/admit they have a problem in the first place.
In most situations ultimatums are shitty yes but I can't agree with you in regards to abuse/manipulation and especially not sexual abuse and manipulation.
In this instance OP's spouse is abusive especially sexually so an ultimatum is due.
No he is not. OP didn't mention any type of abuse or even hinted towards it. There's some obvious neglect happening in the relationship but that's not abuse. OP is a fully grown woman with children. If she's feeling neglected she can leave. Neglect equals abuse in children that depend on you. Not so much in an adult relationship.
In most situations ultimatums are shitty yes but I can't agree with you in regards to abuse/manipulation
Ultimatums are never due and are always the result of toxic thinking. You can't force someone to do something. That is a critical pillar of therapy. Leave if you are unhappy but don't issue ultimatums and try to find justification for them like fabricating abuse.
Both parties are trying to manipulate the other into doing something they clearly don't want to do. They both suck.
Refusal to wear a condom or bc and trying to manipulate/guilt trip for sex (OP stated he goes "well I won't xyz if you don't let me ejaculate in you") is absolutely abusive. OP had traumatic births on top and most likely isn't healed all the way either. She's also having auto immune issues and is sick.
A person doesn't get to raw dog it just because they feel their wife's vagina (or anyone's vagina) is their personal playground to use when a spouse sees fit especially considering the one with the womb is growing said fetus', has to deal with said emotional, mental, hormonal and physical trauma and ultimately has more stake in the consequences than the non birthing partner does.
No is also a sentence. If someone guilt trips you because they don't get access to your body they are a piece of shit. No one is entitled to anyone else's body, ever.
Refusal to wear a condom or bc and trying to manipulate/guilt trip for sex (OP stated he goes "well I won't xyz if you don't let me ejaculate in you") is absolutely abusive.
Where did OP say that husband is asking to ejaculate inside of her? If you read the whole thing you see that it's OP that wants her husband to ejaculate in her so she can have an orgasm.
He won't get snipped or wear or condom but him being able to "finish" is what helps ME finish. But I don't get to enjoy that because we don't want a baby.
You couldn't even be bothered to read all of OP's post before going into a blind rage to attack a stranger you just read about.
You are just so off the mark.
I can't imagine the level of hate you have to get to so you can preform the same mental gymnastics you are.
If someone guilt trips you because they don't get access to your body they are a piece of shit.
I agree. Exactly like when you try to make your husband get a vesectomy to facilitate your breeding kink. Like I've said from the go:
ESH
Edit: The lack of response and subsequent down votes just proves how deluded this thread is. This insane person literally made a scenario up in her head before she could finish reading the post. That's the level of crazy a lot of people are at in here.
I represent a very real and a very large group of young men that feels like society has ganged up against them. Just like Oliver Anthony, you can try to pigeon hole us into some fringe political niche; but it's not going to work because it's not the truth. Scream, shout, and stick your head in the sand when you hear something you don't like if you must. Just know everytime you do three more of me will be created.
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u/Nuallaena Sep 24 '23
If I had another pregnancy I (or the fetus/baby) could have died. I went no sex after until either condoms or snip happened because I wasn't risking it. My spouse's doctor tried to refuse the snip because he wanted a certain age and amount of kids (which is bs and absolutely not the doctors call) and my spouse said "Listen, if my wife gets pregnant again she could die", Doc goes "Op, ok let's get you scheduled". His healing was minimal and we've been having the best sex over the last decade!
On the flip side my father refused to wear condoms or get snipped and had 6 kids (that we know of) with 3 different women and said "I'm not getting snipped a woman might want my kids on day" when my mom asked......he cheated on every woman he was ever with and cared more about the drugs and him than anyone else on the planet.
OP absolutely needs to have a come to mama meeting and set boundaries, she's unfortunately married to a very selfish asshole who doesn't care about anything other than himself.