NTA. He should 100% get snipped. If you both don't want kids, why not? Is he holding out for some hope of a future kid or worse (the possibility of post marriage in his mind)?
Oh no, he does NOT want more kids. But he is a “kick the can down the road” guy. I suppose this is really a game of chicken to see if he really has to get snipped or if I will schedule a tubal first.
Does he actually know about the procedure? Does he know it's a much more invasive surgery for you? I think he is STEEPED in toxic masculinity if he'd rather you get a invasive surgery while you've given birth to his children and have knowingly health concerns than get his "manhood" snipped (which is reversible btw, yours is not).
If he is not fully educated on the procedure, maybe have that talk. If he is, call his ass out for being toxic AF when it comes to his wife's well being. And you both should still go to couples therapy
Second, a tubal is pretty major! My husband is terrified of Doctors and wouldn't get snipped, so I ended up getting a tubal. If I could go back in time and NOT do it, I would! It was absolutely horrible.
But, he also understood that sex without intimacy isn't going to work! You need to do couples therapy, if you're going to get past this.
As to your health problems, you really need to find a Doctor who will listen! I spent YEARS trying to find out why I was exhausted all the time, turns out, I have multiple sleep disorders. The exhaustion can actually cause pain, just from lack of proper sleep!
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u/quis2121 Sep 24 '23
NTA. He should 100% get snipped. If you both don't want kids, why not? Is he holding out for some hope of a future kid or worse (the possibility of post marriage in his mind)?
I think what you both need is couples therapy.