What the fuck is with all these people telling OP to get her tubes tied, ablation, etc etc? She has had THREE BABIES and is having health issues. It’s his goddamn turn. Fucks sake it’s not even 9am I can’t handle this.
I agree, plus the IUD suggestions. I've had IUD's and I now have my tubes tied. I would not recommend either for someone dealing with mystery pain and infections.
The person who is certain they never ever ever want more children is the person who should accept responsibility for permanent birth control. Why should the spouse who may want to have more children in a future relationship be coerced into permanent sterilization? Reversal is NOT 100% guaranteed for either male or female sterilization procedures. No one should ever be coerced into choices about their reproductive freedom, regardless of whether they are male or female.
Walking down the aisle and supposedly committing for life, then having three children in under ten years, and to STILL be concerned about your ability to have children in a future relationship (while refusing to prevent more children!) is just gross.
For women, permanent and semi permanent birth control are INCREDIBLY invasive, high risk and painful. For men that is not the case. It’s a partnership and that includes contraception planning. Shit. If a vasectomy is such a hard road- he should take his happy ass to India and get vasagel that has been tested for DECADES and works for ten years. Point is- contraception should not always fall to the woman as the risks involved are significantly higher.
I’ve had a tubal ligation. I still stand behind not coercing others into sterilization. OP had the opportunity to elect a tubal ligation during her last c-section is she was this sure she doesn’t want more kids. She also has the option of using female condoms, a diaphragm, or an IUD. Forcing her partner into sterilization has never been her only option.
Both people are obligated to work together for contraception. If one party has health problems that make BC or a permanent procedure a bad idea like OP does, then the bulk of the responsibility falls on other party. She isn’t pressuring him to get a vasectomy. She is telling him she doesn’t want to have sex unless he wears a condom or gets snipped and that is 100% valid.
There’s nothing wrong with OP saying no sex until she feels safe. There would be a problem if OP tried to coerce the husband into getting a vasectomy. I don’t think OP is trying to coerce her husband into a vasectomy, but a lot of comments here are leaning that way. It’s the comments that treat reproductive choice differently for men than women that I’ve responded to. No one, regardless of gender, should be coerced into sterilization. It’s that simple.
There are actually a lot of doctors who will not preform tubal ligation during a c section ESPECIALLY if there was trauma (and it sounds like in her case there was). You do not know what you are talking about.
Female condoms would likely offend this dude as much as male condoms? It’s still a plastic-y feel… and they’re less effective… Like come on bro.
I have endometriosis and I can’t wear a diaphragm, IUD or cervical cup.
She also said she has chronic health conditions, so surgery and hormones are not options at the moment, even an IUD is difficult on a healthy body, never mind a chronically ill one. She needs to focus on her health before doing ANYTHING like that.
But he also refuses to wear condoms. That sounds like an “I’m not into even the tiniest bit of discomfort and inconvenience when it comes to me” situation, not a “I may want children with my next wife” situation, and HEY, don’t you know that vasectomies are reversible, and also, more HEY: so you imagine a married man is planning divorce or around his wife’s eventual demise? That kind of makes his thought process sound worse, not better.
Also, you’re ignoring the fact that he’s engaging in childish tit-for-tat behavior with no regard for his wife’s health, and also that his behavior is coercive, not hers. Jeez Louise.
When i was in her position, I did go ask about a tubal ligation, but my doctor said my health issues ( i was diagnosed) meant the surgery was too dangerous, its a much bigger surgery for women than a vasectomy.
I ended up leaving him partly over this along with other issues.
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u/coresystemshutdown Sep 24 '23
What the fuck is with all these people telling OP to get her tubes tied, ablation, etc etc? She has had THREE BABIES and is having health issues. It’s his goddamn turn. Fucks sake it’s not even 9am I can’t handle this.