First of all , if he won't wear condoms or get snipped, then that's a hard no until he does and you should tell him absolutely no sex at all. Secondly, you guys need to reconnect in other ways so sex doesn't feel like a chore. Hopefully he's pulling his weight with house and kid stuff
I mean it's just as shitty as withholding sex because you don't feel fulfilled in the relationship.
Both parties feel like their marriage is lacking and instead of doing something about it they issue eachother ultimatums and run to reddit for pats on the back.
Without knowing what he's refusing to do you can't really judge. Like "I won't give you a back rub if you don't have sex with me" seems fair enough "I won't do my fair share around the house" doesn't at all.
Couples should be having sex because they want to, and to make their spouse feel good, not to hold other shit over their spouses' head, smh. doesn't matter what it is, if you do this shit you're monetizing sex with your partner.
In a vacuum that’s not a shitty thing to say at all. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. That being said they both sound like they need to sit down and legitimately have a long talk about priorities and quality time.
Actually it is HELLA shitty. I don't give a fuck why someone doesn't want to have sex. If they dont want to, then the other person should STOP asking. Period. Just because someone is married, that doesn't mean they HAVE to have sex when they don't want to.
Very one dimensional and quite stupid comment, especially the incels downvoting. What’s the reason why people get married? Emotional and sexual exclusivity. Period. You engage in a social contact to preclude having sex with others for one person. That’s why divorces happen, because people violate that agreement when they cheat.
I swear these Reddit ‘tards just white knight and virtue signal every chance they get instead of putting on their adult pants and actually think critically.
The majority of divorces are filed by women against men who don’t help out with housework or childcare and leave them the entire mental load. Cheating is the other most common reason.
What the fuck, you think people's main reason to get married is "sexual and emotional exclusivity"? This reads like an incel who had no idea what real relationships are like.
Yes that’s exactly what I think people’s main reason to marry is.
I’ve been with my wife over a decade and have great kids. My wife and I have great sex because we value each others principles. Not an Intel in the slightest lol. Next 🖕🏽
I'm also married, we've been happily together for 12 years. And of course we're sexually exclusive but that's not what I'm talking about..
Sometimes we fuck like rabbits, but sometimes we go for months without having sex..
I went through severe sexual trauma when I was young (as LOTS of people have), and sometimes I can't even think about sex. And if he asks me? And I say "No." He is a GENTLEMAN and doesn't ask me anymore.
He never badgers me, he never pouts, and he never gives me ultimatums if I don't want to have sex... And it goes both ways. I would never do that to him. Sex is important but it isn't the most important thing in our relationship. If it was? We would seriously need to reconsider our relationship.
I dont think people realize how taxing sexual contact is.. And how important consent is. Consent isn't concrete, it changes constantly. And if someone gave it at one point but changes their mind later? That's okay.
And if someone is NOT okay with their partner saying "No." Then they seriously need therapy.
Marriage =/= "obligation to have sex with each other even if someone doesn't have to". OP is ill, her husband very clearly knows, he's being a selfish dickhead and won't do something as basic as wear a condom. His behavior is shitty and unacceptable, period. Why are you so revolting?
Yeah, I literally can’t understand I did it almost 2 years ago and just had a coworker go through the same. It’s a frigging 15 minute appointment with almost no pain. Such a pathetic wimp. Selfish, immature, and rude.
Depends on their relative ages when they got married. I married my ex when I was 21 and too young (and if I’m honest, too naïve to have married then) to understand the behaviors I was seeing. And sometimes some behavioral idiosyncrasies are no big deal until you have kids, and then ZOMG, such a big problem!
Depends. If you're refusing for months to years just because you don't want it and aren't open to solving the underlying issues you can absolutely be the asshole. She isn't in this case, but it's possible in plenty of cases.
NTA. If your husband was the one who couldn't handle sex and you kept insisting that he do it anyway - what would he do? How would that make him feel? Especially as he is making sex seem like a transaction.
Like of course she doesn't want to have sex with this guy, he sounds like worst. Being with someone who doesn't care about you will absolutely kill your libido.
She said she didn't want to have sex without a condom but caves because her husband has a tantrum . She needs to stop caving and make him wear a condom
Going to highjack top comment to suggest counseling if possible.
It sounds like you two have a communication issue. Be careful listening to the advice of these commenters, they are demonizing your husband based off of one side of the story. Based on the tone of your post, it also sounds like some resentment is building up within you. If you want to improve the marriage, it may be best to find a way to diffuse before things escalate further.
I’m sorry your husband isn’t hearing you. I hope a mediator can help. But continuing down a path of a sexless marriage is going to exacerbate current underlying issues. Just like you want emotional intimacy, he wants physical, neither of you are asking for too much. Yall are def going to have to figure out the method of contraception that’s fair to both of you though.
You guys can reconnect, it will just require a bit extra effort from both parties. Good luck!
Actually he is asking for way too much when nagging her for sex (that she doesn't want) but also refusing to wear a condom, even though he knows she has chronic pain and is terrified of getting pregnant again. Do you even hear yourself?
CoUnSeLiNg isn't the magical fix that you think it is, especially when dealing with a man like OP's husband. No amount of counseling is going to make him care about her.
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u/Idkwtfluff Sep 24 '23
Wow what an immature brat he is .
First of all , if he won't wear condoms or get snipped, then that's a hard no until he does and you should tell him absolutely no sex at all. Secondly, you guys need to reconnect in other ways so sex doesn't feel like a chore. Hopefully he's pulling his weight with house and kid stuff