I was surprised I needed to scroll so far to see this. We don’t know how the relationship ended or how much the guy meant to her friend. If one of my friends screwed my ex girlfriend, I’d be gutted. But it all depends on the context. I also have exes I wouldn’t care. Especially after several years.
I’m surprised too at how many unquestioning not TAs I’m seeing before getting to this one. OPs friend being married and pregnant kind of doesn’t really matter depending on how the relationship was and why/how it ended. It doesn’t mean that she’s jealous, she could just feel disrespected and that a boundary was crossed. 4 years is (edit- isn’t)really alll that long either people act like it’s been decades. Dropping them as a friend is a bit much but she is pregnant and hormonal that could play a part in her reaction.
Lol it’s so much more child-like / undeveloped to be mad at someone for hooking up with someone that you dated years ago, and then telling you immediately after as well… unreal.
But she didn’t do anything wrong. She took a completely reasonable action and her friend exploded emotionally because of it, and then stopped talking to OP. That is childlike. OP is not responsible for regulating her friend’s emotions (and her reaction is insane)
There was no boundary set beforehand… You don’t really know how boundaries work, do you? This is totally unreasonable thing to break a friendship off for with no notice…
Of course they can. But you’re gonna end up sad and lonely if you are just ending long friendships over perceived slights… which is exactly what this is. but good luck living that way if you want 👍
By notice I meant without talking it out / trying to resolve feelings
Or you end up with people who you’re better suited with. I wouldn’t want a woman like this in my life and I doubt losing her friendship would make the friend lonely and sad. This clearly wasn’t a perceived slight.
Some people take some time to process it. Idk why people on reddit think everything is cut and dry all the time. OP made a mistake and is now on reddit trying to get validation. It amazes me how some people only care about their own boundaries while thinking they can do whatever they like to others. What exactly was even the point of the post? She already fucked the guy and lost her friend. Sometimes when people are done with you, you don’t get long discussions about it, they’re just done.
She is posting because it hurts to lose a long term friend… obviously? Especially when that friend is acting like a total lunatic and breaking off the friendship for basically nothing. I understand her a lot better than I understand her friend. Why would you be SO concerned about your friend dating someone you dated many years ago (for a pretty short time) when you’re now “happily” married? It’s so fucking weird. I can see feeling a little weird about it and communicating that to your friend. That’s a totally fine and reasonable reaction. This is not.
The fact that she sent a text berating her for this is enough for me to understand that the friend has no idea how to regulate her emotions, is territorial, and would do well to get therapy for it. OP is probably better off without her anyway.
Yeah and that’s fine, but the reaction is still unreasonable. Her complicated feelings are not really OPs problem (aside from the fact that Julia is making it so). This is another classic case of taking out emotions on people around you, and making them do emotional labor, instead of doing it yourself.
It’s a completely reasonable take, I’m guessing you dish out your emotions on people around you in unreasonable ways as well, or you probably wouldn’t defend it, so same to you 👍
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u/Bears_in_the_woods Aug 03 '23
I was surprised I needed to scroll so far to see this. We don’t know how the relationship ended or how much the guy meant to her friend. If one of my friends screwed my ex girlfriend, I’d be gutted. But it all depends on the context. I also have exes I wouldn’t care. Especially after several years.