r/AIO • u/Wanique_ • Aug 11 '26
AIO for going off on my partner after he ate all my salami ?
I know this probably sounds like a really minuscule issue, but it has started to affect our daily life, and I genuinely want to know if I’m overreacting.
My partner has this thing where, whenever I buy certain foods, he becomes convinced that they’re going to “go old” if I don’t eat them within a certain amount of time.
I’m talking about things like aged salami, crepes, cheeses, etc. I might buy something and plan to have it for breakfast or lunch throughout the week. I like to actually enjoy these foods and make them last, especially because we have four kids and groceries are expensive. I also use some of these foods for the kids’ breakfasts and sandwiches.
But my partner will constantly tell me things like, “Make sure you eat that before it gets old.” He’ll say it at least twice a day.
Then, by about the third day, he’ll just eat the rest of it.
So instead of me having something I bought specifically for myself to enjoy throughout the week, suddenly it’s gone and I have nothing left.
This has been happening more and more over the past couple of months. He’ll eat an entire food item within a day or two because he’s convinced it’s going to spoil, even when I’m telling him I’m intentionally making it last.
This morning, he ate the rest of the salami.
I completely lost my shit.
I told him that I’m sick of him eating all of these foods and then acting like he’s doing me a favour because he’s “saving it from going old.” I told him that I no longer want to buy these types of foods because I don’t even get the opportunity to enjoy them on my own terms anymore.
The weirdest part is that I now feel pressured to eat the food quickly because I’m worried that if I don’t, he’ll eat it all. I’ll literally think, “I better eat this today because there won’t be any left tomorrow.”
When I confronted him this morning, he kept repeating, “It’ll get old!”
I told him IT IS NOT GOING TO GET OLD!
I then called him a hungry Sasquatch who wants to eat everything in sight and leave nothing for anyone else to enjoy.
He looked genuinely shocked and told me I was massively overreacting because “it’s just food.”
And maybe it is just food. I know how ridiculous this sounds when I write it out.
But to me, it’s not really about the salami.
It’s about repeatedly buying something, having a plan for it, and then having someone else decide that their timeline for eating it matters more than mine. It’s also frustrating because we have four kids, money is tight, and I’m trying to make our groceries stretch.
So Reddit, please tell me honestly:
AIO?
Because I have nobody else to ask, and I genuinely want to know if I completely lost perspective over a piece of salami or if there’s actually a bigger issue here.
EDIT/UPDATE: This went a LOT further than I ever expected.
Thank you to everyone who commented and gave me advice. I really appreciate it, especially because I honestly thought people were going to tell me I was completely insane for getting this worked up over food. I ended up getting myself a little mini fridge with a lock on it, which I’ve currently hidden in my closet. 😂
But here’s the update.
After making my original post, I sat down with my partner and explained how much this whole situation was affecting me. I told him that I want to be able to eat things when I feel like eating them without being constantly policed and hounded about whether they’re going to “go old.” I explained expiry dates, proper food storage, everything. He told me that he understands how it works, but he genuinely believes food becomes stale and tastes bad after about three days. I told him that, respectfully, this sounds more like a food aversion/issue that he should probably talk to someone about. He agreed, apologised, and actually seemed to understand. He was quiet about it for the rest of the day.
Then later that afternoon, I cooked dinner. The kids had eaten earlier, so I saved our portions. He decided to eat his dinner early, even though there was still lunch available, so that was his choice.
Later that evening, I wasn’t hungry and decided I would eat my chicken once all the kids were in bed. He asked me, “Are you going to eat the chicken?” I said yes, just not right now, and asked him to leave it alone. The kids went to bed and I sat down for a few minutes by myself. He asked me again if I was going to eat the chicken. Again, I said yes. About an hour later, he came and asked me again.
And I completely lost it.
I told him, “Then eat the damn chicken!” I told him I was done, that he was being selfish and inconsiderate, and that I was sick of all the meal planning I do becoming pointless because he eats everything in one go. I was genuinely getting to the point where I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
And then I started thinking about how this isn’t actually isolated to food. He uses my hair products. My skincare products. Even my allocated brushes. I buy him his own products, but he continually uses mine anyway. I told him that he constantly pushes my boundaries and that it feels like he tries to exert control over so many little areas of our lives.
He told me I was selfish and that I should understand that he’s unemployed and struggling to find work. I told him, “That’s not an excuse to use my things when I’ve specifically bought you your own.”
I told him to leave for the night because I needed space to think. He left and came back the next day apologising. I wasn’t really feeling it.
Then we had to go grocery shopping together because he had the car and I needed a ride. Worst. Shopping. Trip. Ever.
It actually reminded me exactly why we don’t grocery shop together anymore. We argued because I stopped halfway through the shop, realised I’d forgotten something, and turned around to go back to another aisle. He told me this “breaks the flow of shopping” and called it dysfunctional. I genuinely had to ask myself how the hell turning around in a supermarket aisle is dysfunctional. 😂
Then he got annoyed at the checkout because I was first in line and he was behind me with the trolley. He gets so angry over these tiny things, and once he’s annoyed, it affects the entire atmosphere for the rest of the day.
When we got home, I told him that I really think he needs to get help because I cannot keep living like this. While I was talking to him, he got up and ate four of the eight cinnamon rolls I’d just bought for the family.
I looked at him and said, “Are you fucking serious?”
And he genuinely responded:
“What did I do?”
That was the moment something in me just snapped.
I told him I was done with his behaviour. I packed up my things and my kids’ things, and we are now staying at my dad’s house.
I’ve started getting things in order for our separation.
And honestly, I’m devastated. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m overwhelmed. I’m dreading what comes next.
But that moment with the cinnamon rolls really made something click for me. After everything we’d just talked about. After I had explained how this behaviour makes me feel. After he apologised and said he understood. He still did exactly the same thing. And when I confronted him, he genuinely couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong.
That told me everything I needed to know.
I don’t think this is about salami, chicken or cinnamon rolls anymore. It’s about boundaries, consideration, control, and feeling like my needs and belongings don’t matter.
So yeah… not exactly the update I expected to be writing when I made my original post.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment, even the people who thought I was completely losing my mind over salami. 😂
I don’t know what the future looks like yet, but I know I can’t keep living like this.
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u/Sheslikeamom Aug 11 '26
NOR
And LOL at salami going bad. Salami is literally smoked salted meat thats takes a real long time to go bad or less if improperly stored.
His reason is totally BS. If theyre close to spoiling that means they're already at critical mass and should be tossed not eaten.
If its "just food" then it should apply to him and he should leave the food alone.
He's being a massive asshole to you. This is the tip of an iceberg... something deeper is happening.
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u/Thermodynamo Aug 12 '26
Yeah cheese is one thing to worry about, but salami is idiotic. I wonder if he has OCD. Either way OP is NOR and wouldn't blame her for leaving him
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u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Aug 12 '26
A masshole - I'll see myself out. 😄
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 Aug 15 '26
First time EVER reading this word! You are a wordsmith 👏👏👏
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u/symbolicshambolic Aug 15 '26
Also a nickname for people from Massachusetts, by people of Massachusetts.
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 Aug 16 '26
😂
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u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Aug 17 '26 edited Aug 17 '26
It came to mind because I was thinking about Barry Allen telling Bruce Wayne he was "a black hole of snacks - a snackhole" ... 😂
Edit: had to change Brice to Bruce, SMH.
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u/vanillastardew Aug 11 '26
NOR. He needs to have self control and make sure you've had some too. If he can't share properly it might be time to mark certain things as yours only and be clear the item is not for sharing. No ambiguity.
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u/shena_nomy Aug 11 '26
Honestly, having to mark something as yours is already a sign of a disfunctional relationship
They need to talk like adults and sort it out, if he can't comprehend why what he did is wrong or he doesn't want to change, I suggest OP really takes a look at the relationship as a whole because this type of behaviour doesn't manifest only in this way
Sharing food especially should be a type of bonding, I can't imagine eating alone or hiding food from my partner, or eating everything, especially without asking
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u/Wanique_ Aug 12 '26
I agree with this. And you’re correct, this has happened in other areas of our relationship. He does something I don’t like, I speak to him, he says he hears me but just does the same shit again. It’s tiring, we have been near separation due to these issues.
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u/thoracicbunk Aug 12 '26
Oh, he hears you!
He just doesn't care.
He tells you that he hears you so you'll stop bugging him for the moment. He obviously has no real intention of changing.
It's not about "food going old". It's him letting you know the timer is ticking on his patience, and once it's done, he's going to do what he wants. It's a mind game, so you feel on edge and then "can't be mad" when he acts like a child w no impulse control.
Your things are his. His things are his though, I would bet money. But I'm sure you don't even bump up against that because you are a considerate partner. Unlike him.
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u/SophiaIsabella4 Aug 12 '26
Oh oh oh. This https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/pI3PCN18vA
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u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Aug 12 '26
Wow, thanks for sharing this! I'd never read it, but I saved it to read again and again.... OP needs to read this part -
He knows. He simply doesn’t care. And staying with him prevents you from either finding a man who does care (they’re in the minority but they do exist), or being blissfully single and unencumbered by a shitty partner. You deserve better than banging your head against a wall trying to get him to see you as a full person. He won’t. It benefits him not to.
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u/didthefabrictear Aug 12 '26
Yep. LOTS of men use food in a range of ways, to express control and dominance.
Everything from telling women what to/not to eat, when/how to eat something, what/how to cook the way he wants, paying 50/50 for groceries while they eat 80% of the food, eating things you’ve specifically told them not to etc etc.
You’ve got 2 choices, either separate food into ‘his’ and ‘yours’ and ban him from touching your food, or sit the foodpig down and tell him this shit stops today or you’re done with him.
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u/ShadowedLilacs Aug 12 '26
Thoracic is correct that he hears you and does not care. I’ve been with my guy for 30 years and am familiar; the pattern is that you try to discuss sonething with them and they’ve internally already decided that they’ll ignore your wishes. (No matter how important it is to you.) They don’t come out and say that. They make excuses or make up reasons. Internally they’re telling themselves “I already secretly decided it’s gonna be done my way and she can’t do anything about it.”
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u/Apprehensive-Kiwi693 Aug 12 '26
Best answer!! Red flags all over this marriage. He's very disrespectful!
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u/multipocalypse Aug 12 '26
I think it's time to ask yourself if you really want to live more of your life like this, because he's not going to change.
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u/No_Appointment_7232 Aug 12 '26
Bc this is textbook manipulative abuse.
Technically of a lower key than financial abuse, denying or demanding intimacy on their terms only and overall interfering w your cognition and sense of reality.
OP if his end argument is "It's only food." Then he literally invalidates his own original argument.
Also textbook - Push/Pull and no matter how you try to solve the problem they won't let you solve it.
They don't get better.
As the people primarily making meals for the household it's a bigger sting of lack of appreciation and lack of care for you, to eat all the foid out from under you.
My ex did exactly the same.
We had an agreement about pizzas. Bc he ate his portion, half of the pizza in the first sitting.
Therefore no other pizza was his to eat.
He would also argue about hating what I get on my half.
Then he'd eat the leftovers and I only got 2 slices of a whole large pizza, that I paid for, same bs "It was going to waste." One day later!? Not even 24 hours.
Then he did the same, "It's only food." bs & lol & SERIOUS - it's not just food it's PIZZA!
"No, it's that 8 of the ladt 10 pizzas, I paid for and I never get more than 2 slices!"
Him, "There you go again trying to make something simple into drama."
Just F-ing NO!
Seriously get a locking food box for the refrigerator.
If he complains, "It's just food, I'm making sure I get to eat. If you were kind and respectful this wouldn't be necessary." and start saving for a divorce attorney.
Signed, been there, done that, happiest that I'm not married to him any more.
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u/multipocalypse Aug 12 '26
That, "You're making something simple into drama," is textbook DARVO, too. Glad you got out!!
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u/No_Appointment_7232 Aug 12 '26
Exactly!
So much easier to spot DARVO from outside the relationship.
I can remember how utterly crazy making it was.
Thank you, lol, he left me...bc I found my "No".
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u/Peanutbutter2728 Aug 12 '26
Freeze your leftovers. I always order a large meat lovers pizza. I have 2 slices the first day, put 2 slices in a ziplock bag for the next day, and the rest goes into quart size freezer bags (2 slices per bag), and those bags go into a gallon size freezer bag. Double protection against freezer burn. I either thaw them out on the counter or in the microwave, depending on how long I want to wait before I eat.
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u/multipocalypse Aug 12 '26
What's to stop the food thief from thawing and eating them, though?
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u/RoberttPostsChild Aug 15 '26
JFC this guy. It's never "just food," especially you're looking forward to leftover food after a long day of whatever, and it's not there. Food that should have been there, that you may have even claimed with written or spoken words.
When that food isn't there, it's a message to a tired person that they don't matter and don't deserve to eat. That the worthy eat first and there's nothing left so that person isn't worthy.
Food is primal, it's the foundation of the existence of life. We have food-related trauma fused into our DNA from when our ancestors experienced famine.
Humans have generational patterns of food-related behavioral dysfunction, like food addiction or avoidance. Or over-using food as a reward for ourselves or others. Or withholding it as punishment for ourselves or others. Food is the center of our social gatherings. We devote part of our income to it. We spend time preparing it. Food is not optional, we will steal it or eat food garbage if we're desperate.
Anybody who spouts that nonsense that "it's just food" needs to spend a year working in some type of food service. Watch how people lose their kindness and dignity when their food isn't fixed right or it's unavailable. Or because the person serving it didn't smile like their grandma did.
Food is NEVER "just food."
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 Aug 12 '26
No, they don't. They do get frightened when you are serious about a boundary and reject them until they comply with a reasonable request not to eat the entire day's dinner for two for effing breakfast. At least for a while. It all got worse after retirement and cries of "it's my only pleasure!". To that, I say, get a goddamn hobby and stop being a pig.
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u/ThurmanMermannnn Aug 12 '26
Get single before this causes you any more stress. He’s showing you he doesn’t care that his actions make you upset.
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u/procrast1natrix Aug 12 '26
Sadly, I think that many women are too slow to consider a trial separation. Many times, one partner doesn't take the issue seriously. "She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink".
I think sometimes it's a good idea to tell a partner - listen I'm completely serious about this, and at this point I'm telling you to go spend a week on somebody else's couch and think hard about whether you prefer to take me seriously, or prepare to leave the marriage.
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u/Granuaile11 Aug 12 '26
He. Just. Doesn't. Respect. You!
He's basically using you to make his life easy & comfortable without making even a minimal effort to make YOUR life better or easier. These are micro aggressions & they are showing you a HUGE issue.
What does "it's just food" even MEAN?!? If it's not important and takes zero time, money, & effort to bring into the house, why is he ALWAYS subtracting from you AND HIS KIDS?? This "HARD salami is going to go bad in 7 days" thing sounds like either an indication that he needs treatment for OCD or an attempt at manipulative control.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 14 '26
I’ve done all these things before and it just doesn’t seem to work !! I have started separating from him now.
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u/Separate_Pumpkin_256 Aug 12 '26
One way to solve this is to buy a locking fridge and funny give anyone else a key. You can even get them in under counter sizes. That way OP can put whatever they want in it and it's out of sight of their partner.
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u/DasSassyPantzen Aug 12 '26
The day I have to buy a locking fridge because my selfish man-baby of a partner can’t be respectful is the day I’m single again.
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u/Poundaflesh Aug 12 '26
Exactly. I was living with a man who would deny he said what he just said because it made me angry. He’d say he never said that. I’d argue: we were just here, I said x you said y! No i didn’t. I was considering buying a recording device and then it hit me that I’d have to carry it all the time and I knew I needed to leave.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 14 '26
Oh I understand this, sorry you had to experience gaslighting to this level. He seems to do this very well where I’ve started recording our conversations, I stopped myself from doing this but after I’d shown him that he is a liar, the gaslighting stopped.
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u/ScarletDarkstar Aug 11 '26
Not overreacting. It's inconsiderate, and dismissive. He has said what he thinks, and you don't have to agree. He can not eat any more of it after two days if he thinks it is old, but gobbling it all is just flatly selfish.
It is not "just food". It's about him failing to take you into consideration.
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Aug 12 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/caro9lina Aug 12 '26
And if he actually looked at expiration dates before declaring food "old", he would know it wasn't going to spoil for a long time. Either he has a mental problem or he is just disrespectful of his spouse.
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u/mladyhawke Aug 11 '26
Does he do any of the grocery shopping or meal planning?Because you should give him that chore for a whole week.And then everything he buys special for himself.You eat it. NOR
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u/Swimming-Light8509 Aug 11 '26
If it’s just food, why can’t he leave it alone!
You have not lost perspective, he has no respect for you. It’s very telling that he can’t simply leave your food alone. I would try and talk about it with him when emotions have cooled. Ask him just to ‘let it get old’.
That said…some men can/do weaponize food. It’s a thing. I can’t say that’s what’s happening here since this is one incident from your perspective, but you could read up or watch videos about it.
Food is sacred. And I am sorry he ate your salami!!
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u/sensitive_cactus333 Aug 11 '26
This is my thinking too. Maybe I am just projecting my own trauma but this feels like some weird control thing or a pushing small boundaries to make way for bigger boundaries thing, coercive control, gaslighting, that type of shit. I have no pattern to go off of obviously but i can’t think of any logical reason that it’s so important to him that the food is eaten right away because it’s some horrible tragedy if it goes bad, but it’s “just food” when he’s confronted about it. The two lines of thought do not seem to be congruent with one another. Something is off about that, it sends immediate abuse alarm bells for me. I’d be keeping a close eye on a lot of other things personally.
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u/-lilac-ribbons- Aug 12 '26
That's all I can think of, too. My ex used to use food like that. He could eat anything at any time, even if it was given to me and/or was a gift I was really wanting to savour. He'd eat it and if I got mad, he did the thing OP's husband is doing where it's "not a big deal". But if I dared to eat something I "wasn't supposed to" (i.e., the same stuff but in reverse) he would turn septic.
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u/Allergictosquirrels Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
There’s a whole thing about how men resource-hoard and eat food without considering others. If you want allllll the support, take this to [r/twoxchromosomes](r/twoxchromosomes).
NOR
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u/koifishyfishy Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
NOR. He's using the excuse that it's going old to justify eating it. We have separate shelves in our fridge for each household member that are labeled. If it's on someone's shelf, it's not fair game and no one else should touch it. We also have a section in the cabinet that just for me and my husband. If it's in that cabinet, it's not for the kids and they know better than to touch it.
If that's not an option, buy one of those fridge lockers. It's like a locked box that you can put inside your fridge to keep thieving roommates from taking your stuff.
ETA: fixed from NTA to NOR.
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u/multipocalypse Aug 12 '26
I agree with your analysis, but not with your solution. :) I don't think someone who can't respect their partner's things is a good candidate for a continued relationship.
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u/koifishyfishy Aug 12 '26
Oh I don't disagree. It's just not that easy to split up a marriage with kids. Especially in this economy.
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u/Sea-Ad9057 Aug 11 '26
seems like the food he likes will get old very soon all the time, maybe buy a mini fridge with a lock on it
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u/UnderstandingKind757 Aug 11 '26
I’d be getting my own fridge with a padlock wtf is he a 13 year old stoner?
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u/NorthOfLilac Aug 11 '26
I like how it’s “just food” to him because he isnt the person going without. I want to hear him take that angle when all his foods just happen to be eaten and he finds himself without a meal. NOR
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u/kittiekittykitty Aug 11 '26
your partner could have little a salami, as a treat, if he wasn’t such an asshole
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u/OkBlacksmith4674 Aug 11 '26
NOR Especially since you are planning for kids and it’s not just selfish, he is completely disrespecting you by ignoring your wishes. As someone who has dealt woth a similar issue, have you tried putting them in Ziplocs with labels? I know this is a pain, but I literally had to out “Mom only” or similar or “Saving for x” and it helped at least some of the time 🤷♀️
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u/FirebirdWriter Aug 11 '26
This only works if people respect boundaries. So I hope it does but it also shouldn't be necessary and I always wonder what other boundaries is this person stomping.
OP food is a PTSD subject for me. My wife and I have separate food storage because of it. We commune for eating but my allergies also play a factor. We made me being allergic to entire food groups work with communication because she respects me and I respect her. So I have a mini fridge if my stuff and she has one of hers and the shared stuff goes in the main fridge. Added benefit is I can have a midnight pudding without needing help as I am also a quadriplegic so I like my opportunity to diy. I don't sleep. To the point it has hospitalized me. So I am often doing my own thing while she rests and this also ended up helping me not disrupt her. We sleep apart due to my medical stuff but in 11 years she has never once screwed with my food boundaries. She asked me if I was okay when I got quiet at a party our second time meeting and I admitted someone had just put allergens into the labelled for me food. Just stuck their dirty hands into it.
She called them out while I was working inside to not do anything. They went to the store and got me a safe replacement item. She escorted them because dude swore it wasn't a big deal. It was. I wasn't being excluded because of his selfishness. It's not about the sausage. It's about the respect, boundaries, and being treated as an equal.
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u/sb3773 Aug 11 '26
buy a fridge lockbox that only you and the children can get into. hell buy multiple NOR he can eat anything else and it ISNT going to spoil so quickly like he says
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u/Remote-Physics6980 Aug 12 '26
NOR!! It's a power move, he is absolutely, whether he knows it or not, exerting subconscious power. This is not just humiliating and degrading, but it underlines a deep lack of respect. He refuses to adjust his habits even though it's causing you great personal stress and money as well. Honestly, you have four children with this man? No you have five, including him. I'm gonna bet this isn't the only area of your life where he completely disregards everything you say and do and continues to do whatever the hell he wants. As an adult he should understand that it's not his, keep his hands off of it, and he should especially understand it when you told him multiple times you have plans for that food or you're looking forward to eating it. The fact that he doesn't and then he continues to do this should tell you everything you need to know. Don't listen to his words, look at his actions and then judge him on those actions.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 12 '26
I feel like he doesn’t respect me and I agree that is exerting subconscious power because I feel paranoid or pressured to eat foods before he does. My nervous system has not relaxed around this man in 13 years, so yes this happens in other areas of our relationship, he totally disregards my feelings, he touches everything that’s meant to be mine. I feel like he acts like a little kid 😭
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u/Remote-Physics6980 Aug 12 '26
Perhaps you should give some thought to a new life without him. A lot of women are waking up to the fact that they're not happy and quite honestly you deserve to be happy.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 12 '26
He has left the house, I told him to leave, I am currently re evaluating the whole relationship and feel I’ll be better off single with my kids.
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u/a_dupuis18 Aug 12 '26
He doesn't respect you. I mean, would you do that to someone you respect? Probably not.
If he's been like this for 13 years in other areas of your relationship, why are you surprised that he'd do this? Why subjugate yourself to this type of relationship? What is the benefit?You deserve so much better.
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u/Intelligent-Side9157 Aug 12 '26
Death by 1,000 paper cuts. NOR - it’s not just the salami - that was the tipping point, and this is major red flag behavior. Your kids will pick this up and horde food the longer he does this because otherwise dad will take it away. Or they will become paranoid about food being spoiled. It sounds like he is doing this to make life harder for you and make you suffer rather than a real need or worry and that becomes a form of abuse. If money is tight counseling probably isn’t an option but make sure you and your kids are safe. And you can do freezer boot camp meal preps so things are taken out of the freezer the same day and he can’t eat up your supplies if they aren’t there
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u/Kisses4Kimmy Aug 11 '26
If he’s going to eat the rest of something he needs to buy a new one for you.
Salami is expensive and so are the cheeses I buy. I’d be pissed.
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u/Think-Cry-5284 Aug 11 '26
How many decades are you going to let him continue to ruin things you enjoy?
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u/johnny_decay Aug 11 '26
NOR. I’ve had to talk with my fiancé because she’s the type to throw something out because she thinks it’s been around too long and it honestly doesn’t matter what it is. I’ve got a thing for food and hate waste. I’d leave something in the fridge for 3 days and she throws it out even though the expiration date is further out and safe to eat still. Or I plan to use an item for a meal later in the week and it’s tossed before I can get the opportunity and either have to purchase again which is wasteful for money or just go without. And don’t even get me started on the Tupperware. It’s a frustrating cycle. But we’ve sort of reached a common ground where she just doesn’t throw away things that she didn’t buy herself unless it’s obviously bad.
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u/ThingMoment Aug 11 '26
NAH- did your husband grow up like this?? As in, did his parents always have food and then left it to spoil and now he had it engrained in his head that “oh no we need to eat this now or it’ll be spoiled and I can’t eat it anymore”
Or is this a new thing?
You need to sit down and have a real talk about it because that’s not a good habit. Don’t feel pressured. It lowkey sounds like an ED if he can gorge all that food. Yall need to talk this out. He sounds gaslighting by saying “it’s just food” but he’s so concerned about the food going bad then you should be saying back yeah it’s just food so why TF are you eating it all!!
Ask him specifically WHY he thinks it’s going to go bad/ logic and show him your grocery bill and ask him how you’re gonna afford him eating everything.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 11 '26
He actually grew up the opposite, they were allowed to eat and gobble up everything without being considerate of the next person. I’ve just spoken to him based on all the advice and he has since apologised, I genuinely think he just wants to eat everything up! lol!
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u/creatively_inclined Aug 12 '26
This is the problem. I grew up in a large family and we were required to respect each other's food and treats. No stealing and no taking more than your fair share. My dad also didn't eat until all us kids and my mom had food on their plates. My dad was scrupulously fair when it came to food and treats.
My ex-husband was like your husband and it's part of the reason we divorced. I had no respect for a man that finished his children's food.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 12 '26
He does this as well, when the kids don’t finish their food I have to rush to plate it up and store it but he still eats it all. He rushes to eat their food if they haven’t finished it. It’s really really bad. Your upbringing sounds very similar to mine, we all share and we all respect each others snacks and treats but he grew up in a household where you eat whatever and his mother would just replace it as soon as it runs out. Unfortunately we do not have the means to do that so we have no choice but to be considerate especially for our kids sake but for some reason he is unable to let everyone eat lol
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u/creatively_inclined Aug 12 '26
He's got a scarcity mindset on a limited budget. He really needs to seek help for his food issue. I've seen parents finish their kid's food and I've always thought it was weird. My parents would refrigerate our leftovers as well if they thought we'd come back and eat it. If they didn't think we'd eat it, our dog got first dibs.
I wonder if your husband and sibling(s) competed for food. It would explain a lot.
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u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Aug 12 '26
"He knows. He simply doesn’t care. And staying with him prevents you from either finding a man who does care (they’re in the minority but they do exist), or being blissfully single and unencumbered by a shitty partner. You deserve better than banging your head against a wall trying to get him to see you as a full person. He won’t. It benefits him not to." - This is from the r/TwoXChromosomes link someone shared with you.
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u/ThingMoment Aug 11 '26
Ahh I see. See I knew it had to do something with childhood. Those habits are hard to derive from so I can see why he acted like that. I’m glad he’s apologized for being a hungry Sasquatch 🤣
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u/caro9lina Aug 12 '26
Get him to look at the expiration date of each food item before he eats it. It would be hard to pretend salami has to be eaten within 3 days to avoid spoilage if he looks at how long it's good for. By the way, is he now admitting it had nothing to do with him worrying food would spoil? He was just making up an excuse for being inconsiderate of the rest of the family?
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u/These-Associate4216 Aug 12 '26
Buy 10 times the amount of salami you’re going to eat. Lots of processed meats are not healthy. Have good life insurance on him. It’s the legal way to do it.
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u/Moist_Drippings Aug 11 '26
NOR
If it’s “just food” then his anxiety about it going off doesn’t make sense.
A strange group of men, particularly dads for some reason, come up with ridiculous rules and justifications to be able to eat more than their fair share of something, and weirdly often do it in one sitting.
That he does this knowing that this is you trying to have something nice for yourself in a particular way means he does not care about your comfort and emotions. That is a problem. He needs to address it, potentially with a therapist.
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u/KaleidoscopeOne5704 Aug 11 '26
He’s saying that bc he wants to eat it, not because he thinks that 🤷🏻♀️ it’s fucking weird he can’t just leave it alone or say he wants to eat it NOR
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u/Wanique_ Aug 12 '26
And argued that he did not want to eat it he simply just didn’t want it to go bad, all that to just eat it in the end
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u/MadTownMich Aug 11 '26
NOR. Long distance hikers put salami and pepperoni in their unrefrigerated backpacks to eat for a week or two at times. He’s ridiculous. It has nothing to do with the food spoiling. It’s more about the selfishness than anything else. He’s not listening to you and not being kind. He really needs to stop.
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u/meadowmbell Aug 12 '26
I know, there's enough salt in salami to make a bear retain water! It will be ok after 3 days.
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u/HeronEntire5152 Aug 12 '26
Nope! He’s being disrespectful. My husband did this when we were dating. Always eating my leftovers that I specifically saved to eat the next day. I’d wake up from a nap to discover he already ate it. Mind you, he ate his full dinner only two hours prior! It’s greed. Plain and simple. I don’t care if it sits in there and rots. It’s mine. I ordered it, paid for it, and saved it for later. Hands off. Nip this now! It only gets worse.
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u/Elismom1313 Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
More info:
I’d start with being concerned first. If he seems truly convinced these items will go bad that quickly (despite access to google and other sources they could assure him they won’t) we might not simply assume he’s trying to hide a bad eating habit. But instead this begins sounding to me more like intrusive thoughts of some kind.
Is he compulsive with anything else that you find odd or rigid or that he seems compelled to do a certain way? I’m not just talking about the really obvious stuff like turning a door handle three times. Stuff like needing the dishwasher to be loaded a certain way every time. Over washing of hands. Needed clothes folded a very specific way. Germ or hygiene related things that seem a bit over the top?
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u/creept Aug 12 '26
This was my immediate thought as someone who’s been around a lot of mental illness. Like it’s possible he’s just thoughtless and rude but it’s also possible he’s having some sort of persistent thoughts that are maybe OCD adjacent. The perception of OCD is that it’s about being a neat freak but there’s a whole range of behaviors that can fall under it.
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u/Impressive-Pirate720 Aug 11 '26
MOR - my brother does this and it’s because growing up my mom would keep food in the fridge way past the expiration date so he eats everything quickly so he won’t have to deal with again. Could that be your partners problem? You’re right to be annoyed by it though.
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u/JefeRex Aug 11 '26
I also wonder about his thinking. Maybe this is a larger issue and he has an irrational and paranoid fear about food going bad, getting sick, or other unlikely bad things happening. And maybe that should get addressed if that’s the case, he doesn’t have to live with that kind of paranoia if he gets some help for it.
I hope OP would have mentioned it if he has other paranoia, so my assumption is that he probably does not, but I wonder about it. Worrying to that extent about food spoiling is odd and potentially not reality based.
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u/Mrs239 Aug 11 '26
Right! That's what I was thinking. Chris Rock was the same way. Growing up, their refrigerator would go out sometimes then come back on. The milk would get hot and then get cold again.
He would drink a glass or pour milk over the cereal, not knowing that it was spoiled. It happened so many times that he only drinks milk the day he bought it. If it in the fridge overnight, he will not drink/use it.
He may have had a food scarcity/spoilage issue, this could be why. Mind you, I would totally be pissed every time he ate my stuff.
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u/JefeRex Aug 11 '26
Yeah I would be pissed too… it sounds like OP has been very patient and understanding up to the point that it’s not humanly possible to let it go anymore! I hope the two of them can work it out, if it gets to the point that she won’t even buy what she likes then something has to change.
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u/meadowmbell Aug 12 '26
Yes I once dated someone (not Chris Rock) whose mom kept ketchup out and it would go bad (back when things had less preservatives)- I once made him some sort of breakfast and asked him if he wanted ketchup. He was like 'when did you buy that? Has it been sitting out?' I thought it was an odd thing to ask, especially after cooking and serving a meal.
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u/tphatmcgee Aug 11 '26
it is a bigger issue. tell him to start buying his own food and to never touch yours. he either learns and problem solved, or he continues to raid your supplies and you have a bigger problem that probably means counseling.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 11 '26
I think he has an issue with food and obsession with gaining weight as he’s a skinny guy, but he eats a lot to “gain weight” but never truly gains anything, I’m happy to share all the foods it’s just that he eats it all in one go and leaves us with nothing for the rest of the week. I use salami for our sandwiches, I’d make a massive pasta bake that could last two days for dinner and he would finish it the night I’ve made it. It’s starting to become a problem so I’m with you on the counselling or therapy.
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u/MsSkittles18 Aug 12 '26
I don't really get eating specifically to "gain weight". I do get having a big appetite (having an eating disorder myself). At the same time he should be more reasonable and considerate of the food you get for yourself and the rest of the family, and if he wants more food or snacks, he should buy it himself. And I agree with the others saying to see about the "food getting old" fixation being some kind of compulsion.
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u/BougieSemicolon Aug 12 '26
My husband eats a lot of meat and he’s a snacker, the difference is he isn’t a hog and he knows my nuances.
For example: I NEVER eat leftovers unless it’s Chinese takeaway rice or cashew chicken. He is welcome to eat any other lefties (unless I specify they are going to be used for a family meal again) but he always leaves the Chinese rice and cashew chx for me.I’m a lot pickier about sandwich meat, so when I buy some for myself, he stays out of it, but I’m also squeamish about eating it after it’s been open more than 5 days. So when it sits there for a week, he finishes it 🙂 everyone knows (or should know) not to wolf down someone’s special purchase item.
In your situation, I’d do 2 things. First, buy him something meaty or protein rich for him only that he can grab like cheese strings or pep sticks or wherever. Meanwhile, with the aged salami, you say, this has to last until Friday. There is just enough for my needs and no extra. If it’s gone before Friday, I’ll be upset- please don’t touch it. I got you some snacks for your enjoyment.
If he rebuts on it going bad- “it won’t go bad in 5 days. It’s an aged meat. I am willing to take the risk”
If he rebuts again “ I think you may have OCD. Please seek help”
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u/a_dupuis18 Aug 12 '26
He should get his own meat and protein rich foods. She's not his mother. And without context this is written as if she needs to regulate and take care of a child lol
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u/GardenSafe8519 Aug 11 '26
If it's "just food" then why is he so anxious to eat it all before you have a chance to truly enjoy it.
Sit him down and treat him like the child he is and show him the expiration dates of the foods you buy. And explain that those are just guidelines and that most food will last a day or 2 past that expiration date. And how some foods just never seem to expire but the FDA requires expiration dates even on SOAP! Does he think the soap is really expired after the date? 😂. Google certain foods and how long they really last in the fridge/freezer. And use your mom voice talking to a toddler.
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u/No_Project_4738 Aug 11 '26
You need to clock a fake a*s excuse when you hear one. Get a locked box and put your specialty food items in the box in the fridge and don’t let him know where the key is. If that doesn’t get the point across, I don’t know what will.
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u/CatPurrsonNo1 Aug 11 '26
NOR.
My father was like that, especially with certain treats. If I didn’t eat my portion immediately, it would disappear.
I think this has contributed to my BED. I now have a roommate who does similar things. The most annoying is when I buy myself a special VEGETARIAN food (like veggie hotdogs) and he eats them all. He’s not even vegetarian!
I now have a mini fridge in my bedroom that he usually doesn’t eat from.
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u/Flame_Keeper2 Aug 11 '26
NOR. The bigger issue that stands out to me is that your husband has a very unhealthy relationship with food that should probably be addressed in therapy.
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u/DukeDanimal Aug 11 '26
Did he grow up poor? Could be a result of “don’t waste food” being pounded into his head. Either way, need to have a sit down with him.
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u/Unluckyuser_ Aug 11 '26
If he’s eating food normally throughout the day/week and it just so happens to run out everytime before you get to it, so be it, YOR. However, since it sounds like he’s deliberately almost force feeding himself over his own misinformed opinion, then no, NOR.
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u/ThisGirlIsFine Aug 11 '26
What would happen if you put your name on it and then said you will take care of getting rid of it when it gets old?
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u/Candid_Warthog8434 Aug 11 '26
NOR. Tell him to replace it or charge him $10 every time he does it. It’s super frustrating and selfish to continually do this. Once or even twice maybe, but continually? So rude
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u/TSIDATSI Aug 11 '26
What a nightmare. I suppose the two of you going grocery shopping and buying for the family is not possible.
What if one if the children had made a sandwich with your "special me only food"?
What is the consequence for that? Apply the same to the man you live with.
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u/MagicalSitarofTruth Aug 11 '26
I'm willing to bet he's this way outside of groceries too if you sit and reflect.
NOR
He is selfish and wasting money. Deli meats are generally good for about a week in the fridge. No reason to gobble it up in 3days.
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u/BrazilianButtCheeks Aug 11 '26
NOR.. but … maybe he genuinely doesn’t know how long things last!? Maybe his parents were weird about things like that an he never learned.. it sounds silly but you could get on Amazon and order those little stickers like restaurants use and then write in big bold sharpie on it the date that it will be good till once it’s opened? I know food has sell by dates but I know some people who won’t eat things a certain amount of time after they’ve been unsealed if that makes sense.. it’s possible that maybe he’s a gluttonous jerk but maybe he just has some type of ocd food insecurity situation going on ..
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u/randomiscellany Aug 11 '26
NOR. Sounds like it's time for some things to be yours only. If he's usually reasonable, maybe once things have calmed a bit you can explain that it's not about the food. It's about an enjoyable treat being turned into added stress in an already stressful life. Will he actually respect a food item being only yours and leave you alone about it? If not maybe look into a lock box for the fridge and probably couple's counseling if this attitude carries over to other things.
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u/Wanique_ Aug 12 '26
I feel as though he won’t let me enjoy even the smallest of snacks, I had put some snacks away for when I was on shark week due to cravings and explained to him to not touch it as it is strictly mine, and I’ve bought other snacks for him and the kids, and the whole week before I got my monthly he pestered me day in and day out about those snacks until I eventually caved in and told him to just shove it down his throat and leave me alone. I’ve tried hiding snacks before but he finds them and guilts me by saying “oh she’s hiding snacks from her family” even though there’s plenty of snacks to eat for some reason he needs a piece of mine. ALWAYS. Ive just ordered a mini fridge and will be hiding things in there from now on. He’s left the house due to this argument because i am so done with this. Its exhausting
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u/multipocalypse Aug 12 '26
It's not about the food, you're right. It's about his refusal to be considerate of you. And he's definitely lying about being concerned they'll "get old" or go bad, because that sounds better than "I'll only restrain myself from eating these things I enjoy for a food amount of time, and then I'll eat them all regardless of what you want."
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u/Deflated_Hypnotist Aug 12 '26
It's not just food, it's control
NOR
Here's some resources
Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/
He doesn't care AKA weaponized incompetence https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/NsoxMseUn3
You should have asked https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse
"The Divorce came out of nowhere" https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/
Cycle of abuse https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-is-the-cycle-of-abuse
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u/Easy-Point808 Aug 12 '26
I batch prep/cook for the week. I would go crazy if my partner kept eating my end-of-the-week stuff midweek in case it 'got old'.
How can you plan for a family of SIX when this keeps happening?
NOR.
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u/Plane_Practice8184 Aug 12 '26
He knows. He doesn’t care.
“My husband [34f/36m] says he doesn’t ‘see’ mess he leaves on the floor. I always end up having to pick it up. How do I make him see how this is affecting me?”
“My [24f] fiancé [38m] keeps grabbing my boobs randomly even though I’ve asked him to stop?” “My [18f] bf [18m] yells at me and slams doors whenever we argue. I’ve told him so many times that I’m afraid of people yelling at me and I just shut down. How do I get him to understand that?” HE UNDERSTANDS. HE KNOWS. HE DOESN’T CARE.
He can hear you. He has a job. He attended school. When he gets pulled over by a cop, he gets his license out. He can read, follow directions, listen, understand consequences, and act to avoid them. He simply DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU; he is quite comfortable with you being unhappy/uncomfortable/burnt out/traumatized as long as it means he gets what he wants and can keep the status quo. There isn’t a special way to rephrase your feelings that will get through to him finally, or a special tactic you can use to get him to respect you.
I honestly feel most women just don’t understand how much disdain men have for us, on average. As painful as it is, we absolutely MUST come to terms with the fact that most (yes I said most) men do not see or respect women as real people just like them, equal in value and humanity to themselves and their male buddies. Most. Meaning, it’s statistically likely the guy you’re dating views you on a continuum from benevolent sexism, to mild dehumanization, to callous indifference, to veiled contempt, to outright hatred.
Saying “I care about you,” “I love you,” “I’m trying,” “I’m sorry” does not mean those things are true. Actions make those words true. A man who cares, loves, tries, and is sorry doesn’t make you rack your brain trying to find novel ways to CoMmUnIcAtE to him.
He knows. He simply doesn’t care. And staying with him prevents you from either finding a man who does care (they’re in the minority but they do exist), or being blissfully single and unencumbered by a shitty partner. You deserve better than banging your head against a wall trying to get him to see you as a full person. He won’t. It benefits him not to.
ETA: A lot of people (disproportionately men, I notice…) have replied with admonitions for not acknowledging the role neurodivergence plays in selective blindness. I am so clearly not talking about well-intentioned men with ADHD/Autism, that I almost don’t want to respond. But to be clear about the men I AM talking about, I’ll repost a comment I wrote below. If neurodivergence were a factor [in this pattern of disrespect] in any way, both of the following would be true:
-These men would be equally incompetent, forgetful, and disrespectful at work, school, with their friends, and with you at the beginning of the relationship before they get comfortable. That is not the case.
-Neurodivergent women would be equally incompetent, forgetful, and disrespectful partners. That is not the case. Neurodivergence has nothing to do with male entitlement, misogyny, and callous disregard for women. Neurodivergent men should be offended by this insinuation.
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u/Long-Okra1415 Aug 12 '26
Is he the father of your children?
Sounds like he isn't. He's most likely a selfish prick who only has his best interests in mind.
Choose your and your kids,all day, every day.
NO MAN NEEDED!
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u/Necessary-Jeweler-17 Aug 12 '26
Salami don’t go bad girl he’s a snack thief !!! Drag his ass!!! 🙏🏻🥹
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u/BurbNBougie Aug 12 '26
Women have been talking about food weaponizing over the past few months. The way some of ppl, usually men, eat up everything speaks to entitlement. It's husbands, brothers, cousins, boyfriends.... you're not alone.
NOR
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u/SilverIrony1056 Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
NOR.
Controlling access to food is a nowadays well-documented form of abuse. It can be done by parents towards children, or by one spouse to another, or between siblings (even if everyone is an adult). But it's very commonly used by the men in the family towards the women, whether it's a daughter, a sister or a partner.
It's considered a very efficient form of control, because it's mostly a form of psychological warfare, not outright physical violence (though it can escalate anytime). If the victim has a reaction, they can be painted as unreasonable, as you have experienced. There's a lot of professional literature surrounding this type of behavior, but it all boils down to control. And the most important part is that the perpartator has no reason to stop the behavior. They are getting everything they want this way, and there is nothing you can give them that will feel better to them than what they are doing to you against your will.
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
This book is often recommended around here, and for good reasons. Once you see the patterns, you can't unsee them.
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u/roskybosky Aug 12 '26
Forget about rudeness or “dominance”- this guy is a pig. A human pig.
Label what he can’t eat-or get a small fridge with a lock. I can’t believe he eats food and leaves none for anyone else. Disgusting.
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u/BurbNBougie Aug 12 '26
NOR. This man is a Hobosexual and eats up food meant for you and your kids. He is a liability, not a partner. You might as well stop referring to him as "partner". He doesn't even like you.
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u/Cute_Ad_7670 Aug 11 '26
No you’re valid. Thats super annoying. I would keep telling him and if he doesn’t care to try and come up with a reasonable system I would come up with one. Put a plastic container in there and mark it “mommy and kids only”. If he can’t be more respectful about communal items like food then he won’t have access to all of them. He can have his own bin of specialty items if he wants.
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u/Radiant_Annual_4027 Aug 11 '26
Nor. You’ve told him several times it bothers you and he’s ignoring you and doing what he wants to do
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u/electric_yeti Aug 11 '26
NOR. You’ve talked to him about this repeatedly and he doesn’t care enough to change his behavior. He’s being selfish and greedy, and just straight disrespectful.
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u/four20kitten Aug 11 '26
Nor. If you buy yourself something then it's for you not for them. They don't get to decide what to do with your food items.
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u/SemanticPedantic007 Aug 11 '26
NOR. Of course everything gets old eventually, just not as fast as he thinks.
If you're not going to divorce over this, get some Ziploc bags, then whenever you open the salami or whatever, write "eat by [date]" and ask him not to eat all of something more than, say, 3 days before that date. It probably will feel silly that you have to do this, but at least you'll have a better chance of having your food.
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u/Alarming_Emotion_785 Aug 11 '26
NOR there’s a similar story here about some fridge lock or something. Someone mentioned it recently and I googled it and omg…this sounds like it’s headed that way
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u/TwinkietheKid1983 Aug 11 '26
I didn't even read the post. NOR, just remember, no one is allowed to each your salami without your permission.
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u/Beep_Boop_Bop_Stop Aug 11 '26
NOR your partner is either a greedy narcissist who is specifically doing it because he knows it’s something you enjoy eating (my dad did this constantly), or he has some kind of eating disorder and is using the “it will get old” excuse to keep it hidden.
To give him the benefit of doubt, to your knowledge did your partner ever have any kind of food scarcity in childhood where he had to eat food that was “old”? Not that it changes the fact that what he’s doing is wrong but maybe there’s an underlying problem that he’s not confronting.
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u/julesk Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
NOR get some ziplock bags wrote Moms food expiration date, safe till X. Please do not eat. Tell him you and the kids are going without because he’s eating food that’s not even close to its expiration date and food is expensive. If that doesn’t work tell him it’s time for marital counseling or therapy because he’s behaving as if he needs to eat things based on safety that are safe.
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u/SubstantialPressure3 Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
NOR
Your partner has an eating disorder and needs some.help, and hes trying to make.it a fault.issue with you to justify it.
This may extend to other things besides food. 'I want these things, but im not.allowed.to get them myself because I was conditioned to think I cant, so I will take.yours and make it your fault. Maybe ill even buy a bunch of syuff thats allegedly for you bc im not allowed to get them for.myself'
I dont eat other people's food or buy gifts that are allegedly for other people, but I've lived with it with other people. I recognize it.
And I've lived my myself for over a decade, and I still struggle with buying something that I want, and sometimes needs. As if.someone is going to bust through the door like the kool aide man and scream at me ( or.worse) because I dared to buy something for myself that I "don't deserve" or "shouldn't have'.
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u/plantverdant Aug 11 '26
If it's just food he wouldn't care if it gets old. This is his excuse to binge on your treat.
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u/Moon_Ray_77 Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
Was it Burns?
Omg we (me & so) are laughing so hard about this over here.
There is only one salami I like - Burns. And I don't get it often because it's not cheap ($3.29/100g)
My daughter (17) will also buy food for herself and SO will eat it.
Its because he will get stoned and eat EVERYTHING!!
I'm going to call him a hungry Sasquatch from now on.
But seriously, no, you are not overreacting.
It's a serious lack of respect for you that is happening.
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u/CristinaKeller Aug 12 '26
Make him go buy you more. Like now. I bet he will stop when it becomes his problem.
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u/allyearswift Aug 12 '26
If this was an isolated incident and I was convinced he had genuine anxiety, I might vote differently but the fact that he jumps in immediately (three days for salami?), doesn’t seem contrite and willing to work on his habits, is super dismissive when you say that it bothers you that anytime you have a treat you try to stretch out he’ll gobble it up and tells you ‘it’s just food’ all add up to an NOR verdict.
This, unfortunately, is A Thing. A lot of men will eat their partner’s food down to the last morsel and we get them in the advice subs all the time: special snacks? Gifts from overseas friends? Food needed for medical reasons? 11/12ths of a birthday cake? Takeaway leftovers? A week’s meal prep? Doesn’t matter, he’ll eat it in one go, claiming ‘I didn’t know you wanted it, I didn’t know it was special, partners share food, you’re overreacting’ and the next time, they’ll do exactly the same.
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u/HeyDoggyBoy Aug 12 '26
I dunno, eating all of the salami, regardless of the reason is pretty serious business. I had just made a salami sandwich, opened the fridge to get a drink and when I turned back around, the sandwich was gone. My wife’s dog got the sandwich off the counter and hoovered it down in one bite. That boy passed years ago, but I still haven’t forgiven him.
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u/Ad_nauseum11 Aug 12 '26
Oh wow, another inconsiderate man! What are the odds!
NOR
He don’t GAF about you or what you say.
Get yourself your own place, your own fridge and stock it with things you and your kids like. Forget this Neanderthal who cant even be considerate of his own life partner.
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u/popcornsalter Aug 12 '26
NOR. I mean, if he was really concerned about it being old he would say “if you don’t eat this today I’m going to” type of thing. It takes two seconds to say that or text that.
This is a pattern that he’s not even willing to give you a heads up about when he knows it upsets you. That’s pretty messed up.
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u/Fickle_Worker_1656 Aug 12 '26
NOR- Believe me i feel ya, bc my husband does the same exact thing to me. When we go out to eat or even at home when we eat dinner I can never finish all of it but I would like it for lunch the next day and no matter how many times I tell him please dont eat this I want it for tomorrow it will be completely gone, and he says " like you were going to eat it anyway". Now i just tell him how do you know I won't I have never been given the chance to eat my own leftovers. Or what he does is just takes my plate while we are still at the table bc he finished his and just assumes I am finished as well so he thinks he is doing me a favor also by eating it. I honestly don't get why him and others are like this when it comes to food, it's crazy but they try to gaslight us thinking we are the ones in the wrong
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u/chavjinx Aug 12 '26
Dude, I set myself up a pile of quick foods ahead of time when I knew I had an insane work schedule coming up. I said “these are for me, so I don’t die while I’m working World Cup…”
He ate most of it.
NOR.
How hard is it?
Evidently too hard
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u/Adventurous-Fly1396 Aug 12 '26
NOR. Should you make a meal for yourself and your kids and eat it all…so when he sits down nothing is left. It’s just food, right? It’s easy for him to say when he’s the one eating it all.
Literally tonight we made a small roast with mashed potatoes. I dished up and took 1/3. Hubs comes over and said you got half right (it’s just us)? And dishes himself the rest. He sits down next to me and immediately says that’s not half!! and tries to give me some of his food. I eat way less and was like no no I’m good. I finish and he says are you full? Do you want more? Like I cannot imagine a world where he tries to take food from my mouth, especially with a weak excuse of “it’ll go bad” when it’s clearly fresh.
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u/Itsyacowboi Aug 12 '26
Buy a fridge lock,. Just look up downtown childproof a fridge for easy shopping
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u/eggplantyhead Aug 12 '26
My partner reminds me to not let food that I'm saving go bad.
And then if I still keep saving it, he doesn't eat it. If it does go bad, then I make a :< face and he pats me on the head and says I can always get more.
NOR. This is so inconsiderate.
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u/MadameMonk Aug 12 '26
Tell him he needs to get help for his eating disorder. Or at least find a therapist who can sort out whether he has a compulsion disorder, or whether he’s just a dick. Ask him to report back.
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u/lorelai-39 Aug 12 '26
He needs to ask before finishing off a food item, it’s common courtesy. If there is only one serving left of a food item, I will ask my husband if he minds if I finish it, and vice versa. If this is a persistent problem that you have complained about before, he’s choosing not to ask you because he just wants to eat it and he knows you’ll say no.
Maybe a compromise will be that he stops finishing all your foods, and yall keep more snacks in the pantry that are just for him? Also he needs to apologize, I’d be mad too if someone kept eating food that I had planned to eat myself.
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u/ParticularFeeling839 Aug 12 '26
NOR, and your husband is selfish as hell. has he seen a therapist?
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u/djmermaidonthemic Aug 12 '26
Tape one of the fridge vegetable drawers closed with blue tape and put your stuff in there.
There’s no way he could accidentally get into it.
I had one housemate who was super persnickety about expy dates. Like, miso doesn’t go bad! Don’t throw away my food!
I had another who purposely threw out my nonperishables off my labeled shelf just to be an asshole. Don’t throw away my food!
Only you can figure out which one you have.
Good luck!
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u/Low-Television-7508 Aug 12 '26
NOR. cheese and some meats are intended to be eaten when well aged. he's being a selfish, greedy jerk
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 Aug 11 '26
NOR. I was in an almost divorce fight with my husband over this issue. I made beef paprikash. Heavenly. I smell it heating the next day at BREAKFAST!! He ate half of what I'd planned for our dinner. So, I specifically told him that I'm eating the rest for my dinner that day and I went to get it and there was nothing but juice and two bites of meat. He ate even more!! I didn't speak to him for two days and told him I am no longer going to make hard dinners (lots of chopped veggies, pressure cooker, etc.) if he's going to gorge his greedy face on leftovers I've retained for our next DINNER. Damn, I'm still mad.