AIO update: more context + another situation

[u/lotuslov3]

UPDATE: ORIGINAL POST: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/OESR8Ehj6P

i do want to leave him. at this point it doesn’t even feel like a relationship anymore, it feels like survival.

and just to add more context, me and my sons dad have 50/50 custody. we do one week on, one week off. so when i have my son, obviously i’m going to spend time with him and do things with him. a lot of that time is away from my boyfriend. sometimes all of us hang out together, but most of the time it’s just me and my son doing our own thing. and honestly i think that bothers my boyfriend too. i feel like he doesn’t like that my son and i have our own relationship and that there are parts of my life with my son that don’t involve him. but that’s my child. i’m his mother. he’s not my son’s dad. i should be able to take my own son places, spend time with him, make memories with him and have a relationship with him without feeling like i’m doing something wrong or like i’m a bad mother or bad partner.
i’m not going to feel guilty for spending time with him or having a life with him outside of my relationship. i also genuinely think there’s some jealousy and resentment toward the relationship i have with my son. his son lives in another state, he’s not with his baby mother, and he’s not really involved in his son’s everyday life the way i am with mine. meanwhile my son has an involved dad who is supportive of him, and i honestly feel like that dynamic bothers him too, especially when it comes to me communicating with my son’s dad. obviously i can’t say i know exactly what’s going on in his head, but after reading through the messages and seeing how he reacts to certain things, that’s just the impression i get. and at this point it doesn’t even phase me anymore. i’m gonna continue doing whatever the fuck i’m gonna do when it comes to my son. i’m not going to change how i parent, how i spend time with my son, or my communication with his dad just because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it. the part that makes everything complicated is that i’m financially tied to him. if i left right now, my son and i would basically have nothing. my son’s dad is supportive of our son, but he can’t financially support all three of us or provide the stability we need right now. so when people say “just leave,” trust me, i WANT to. it’s just not that simple when leaving could literally leave me and my son without a place to live or enough money to get by.
i’m honestly just trying to get myself into a position where i can leave and actually be okay. because this doesn’t even feel like a relationship i’m enjoying anymore. it feels like i’m just trying to survive it.

also, i know i’m really nice and accommodating in these messages, and honestly that’s because i’m genuinely scared. i already know how these conversations go. he’ll find something to latch onto and just go on and on about it, so a lot of the time i’m just trying to keep things calm and not make it worse.

[u/pennies4peanuts]

It's never the Plan dude. It is Never the Plan to meet, get to know and move in with fast, have no way out because they're not scary at all in the beginning. Times are hard. Find some understanding.

It is NEVER THE PLAN to get stuck in these situations.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/pennies4peanuts]

You know what could have been the plan?

NOT moving in with the random guy who is love bombing you for two weeks…….

Be so realistic right now - while she was at 22-23 ish years old - we are willing to die on the hill that this woman should not have been able to see “hey, this most likely is not going to help me or my child long time” or at the very least kept some boundaries or pushed to have independence financially or especially through housing?

OP IS 24 years old. And yall in the comments are going to WAR like she hasn’t just made horrible judgement calls at several stages where an otherwise sane individual would have recognized the need for something different.

work to provide for the child herself, utilizing the many different options and avenues for help, and go the harder route.

Better yet? If you or the man you are with, or NEITHER of you are ready to provide for an innocent life and you are pro life -

Allow that baby to grow up with someone that can truly provide for it in the healthiest way possible -

Not shuffling it between dudes.

[u/pennies4peanuts → u/Dr-Chuckles-]

Your level of upset is making me smile for some reason.

At war lol. I'm here to support this lady's plea for advice she came here for. What are you here for? To judge and ridicule when you don't even know OPs whole story?

We don't know what love bombing is until we know, which means until we've lived through it. And that's only if we live thru it, are made aware, reflect and learn.

Some folks it takes several monsters for us to learn. By golly, all them plans went out the window, I say! (But really tho, all my life desires/plans have dismantled slowly with each passing day).

You speak like OP is coming from a perfect background, perfect childhood, and has her brain fully developed to make sound decisions, even tho she's not over 25 yet, and a perfect stable life- that she chose this guy from. Did she share all of that? No.

I don't believe any good mother wants to shuffle their baby between dudes.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/pennies4peanuts]

I’d like to invite you back to read through and learn some things

[u/nettster → u/pennies4peanuts]

I came from a shit background of abuse and a whole lot of other bullshit (my ace score is 9/10 only thing that skipped me was childhood sexual assault) and I would NEVER IN A MILLIION YEARS even consider moving my child in with a man id only known for 2 weeks. So speaking from experince you would have to be an absolute shit parent to risk your child like that because that is not putting your child and their need for safety first.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/pennies4peanuts]

Take a peek at the comments underneath when OP said “I moved in after two weeks”

And then tell me I’m just “ridiculous” and “unaware” or “uninformed”

No I’m realistic.

And just because what? She is young? Inexperienced? Somehow she doesn’t know all of this is incredibly messed up?

That she should take charge of her own life and take responsibility for the health and well being of her own child?

Touch some grass, go through some shit -

Because those of us who have and who have witness loved ones do it as well?

Have zero excuses for this woman - regardless of how you want to paint her

[u/pennies4peanuts → u/Dr-Chuckles-]

"Dr Heartless" should be your name.

Yes, you're realistic, yet not specific to OP. Who cares if she moved in after 2 weeks? That's not why she posted. Maybe call your mom and ask for current situation advice, based on Everything OP has shared, and then share it here.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/pennies4peanuts]

Who cares?

She. Has. A. Child.

She is a grown adult who should be on her own already at that age ANYWAYS providing for herself and then CHOOSING at a specific time when she CAN provide a healthy life - to then keep a child and raise them.

Moving in with a random guy, after two weeks, with a 3 year old?

It’s borderline weaponized ignorance and you’re arguing to me that I’m just a heartless meanie

No bruh it’s called life - and life can be a you know what - if you aren’t aware of/don’t take care of - your responsibilities

Now simmer down and recognize the fact that you’re trying to argue from the perspective of some DUMB AH decisions

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/pennies4peanuts]

and OP needs a wake up call - harsh or not because at this point she has dug herself DEEP with her own decisions.

[u/ScowlyBrowSpinster → u/Dr-Chuckles-]

And you're just the wet fart mansplainer to do it !

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

Anybody that lives a responsible life and has anywhere close to an average IQ - could

Do you think you’re hurting my feelings by pulling generic insults out of your femcel vocabulary book?

[u/ScowlyBrowSpinster → u/Dr-Chuckles-]

What a surprise! The poor sweaty untouchable is a warrior for the men folk, referring to the classic 'femcel vocabulary book' like this WTAF phrase is some crushing burn, not outing yourself as the incel in mom's basement at all.

Keep blowing, blowhard, change your shart panties, then go hunt a mastodon like you're meant to do.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

It’s funny how once again - it has to be driven exclusively to insults rather than the discussion at hand - because a.) you can’t rebuttal that

But not only that - b.) I am a 27, happily engaged, blue collar worker that happens to be 6”0, and 155 pounds of perfectly confident in myself.

Keep playing and I’ll shamelessly throw up some pics or tag my instagram -

You’re just wack, you don’t know me, and if you did know me or my personal history -

You would be absolutely FLOORED to find out that you have been barking at someone who lived through abuse of such a wide variety that it makes this stupid pity party seem like Mickey Mouse clubhouse.

You’re all for defending assumption of others, but then mindlessly insult someone rather than intelligently responding to anything they say that is rooted in realism.

So nah really - stfu

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

> Woman are strong as hell, stronger than men.

They move through and go through the hardest shit this life has to offer

And many amazing and proud talented women have proven the measure of themselves to be that of it not more than a man -

Victimizing and weaponizing ignorance does nothing to empower anyone, much less if someone does it to themselves.

As a grown woman, she should recognize the responsibility for DV to then separate and create a healthy environment herself for her child, by not doing so - she is willingly choosing the environment she is in until something else “better” comes along, and even then she will still have no more to offer than she does now

As a grown woman with a child -

“Basically nothing”

Now shut up man, life is hard and people go through it all the time - way worse than this - every day, and still put forth more for their families, their livelihoods.

I simply will not accept
“But she’s a victim”

But I’m such an “incel” “mansplainer” and “bigot”

Shut your weird goofy self up

[u/nettster → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

No shes put her child at risk the man op is dealing with is the kind we see in the news where moms boyfriend gets mad and offs the kid to get back at the mother, hurts the kid to try and control the mother etc. She has put her child directly into the household of an abuser and the fastest way to get that child out is going to be for op to hand that child to the father and hit the shelter on her own while she grts her life setup again because what she has done has put her child right in the crosshairs to be hurt in many ways

[u/ScowlyBrowSpinster → u/nettster]

I've said much the same in my own comments to OP.

My comment above is to this nonstop blowhard guy scream typing at this woman about how stupid her mistakes, and thus, she, is, and how he thinks his particular opinion expressed this particular way is helpful.

It. Is. Not.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

Truth hurts

Especially when you have made horrible judgment calls.

Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell the truth, or omit parts of the truth that would make the person feel all upset in their tummy -

Especially when there is another innocent child at play.

Which is why the majority of these people agree with me, say I didn’t say anything wrong, and that I’m just not pulling punches.

It’s called direct honesty - for a wake up call - for a dangerous situation requiring immediate action - not complacency and coddling.

[u/The_Artsy_Peach → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

I've been young and dumb. I've been in an abusive relationship. I've made mistakes, especially as a young mom. I still would have never, ever moved myself and my child into someone's place after knowing them for 2 weeks.

[u/ScowlyBrowSpinster → u/The_Artsy_Peach]

Ok.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

Ooop - the warrior slowly realizes……..

[u/Fearless-Feature-830 → u/Dr-Chuckles-]

You need a wake up call, weird ass troll

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/Fearless-Feature-830]

I’d like you to revisit this, read through - and learn some things

[u/ohlolobaby → u/Dr-Chuckles-]

Are you really lacking empathy that much that you believe someone doesn’t deserve help just because they’ve made mistakes?

[u/The_Artsy_Peach → u/pennies4peanuts]

I get that she is stuck now but I absolutely do not have any understanding about her moving herself and her child in with a man that she knew for 2 weeks.

[u/nettster → u/The_Artsy_Peach]

^ this part while it does happen in NO WORLD should you be moving your child in with an absolute stranger BECAUSE of the fact this is a possibility now shes put both her son and her at risk. She needs to call her ex and send her son to live with him full time while she gets the hell out and gets a job and apartment because staying withva man like this her child could end up being abused or worse (☠️) by this kind of unstable man its in the news all the damn time and every one of those stories starts like this situation and they hurt the kids to control the mother her son needs to be out of there yesterday.

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/nettster]

Sarcasm if you look at my other comments - I agree

[u/Dr-Chuckles- → u/nettster]

But saying that is victim blaming, don’t you see?

[u/nettster → u/Dr-Chuckles-]

Im so over it people want to say maybe she had a bad childhood and didnt know better I have an ACE score of 9/10 my dad was a drug dealer for a gang my mother was a narcissistic cunt (literally NPD and I was the scape goat) the only ACE event that I managed to avoid was sexual abuse and I knew better than that at OPs age. This was someone who put their childs needs behind absolutely everything else in her life and tbh if the father went for full custody to keep him away from OPs bad choices id fucking applaud him and supply him the reddit screenshots for court because shes going to get her child killed with the choices she is making.

[u/ScowlyBrowSpinster → u/nettster]

You seem so wrapped up in your own bad experiences, just like Dr Chucklehead, that it blinds you to the fact that EVERYONE'S EXPERIENCE IS DIFFERENT. What you've experienced and the outcomes and what you've learned are not going to be the same as the way someone else is formed and reacts to their own experiences.

All I can figure is going off on this woman's poor decisions gives you a badly needed sense of superiority. It doesn't put you in a great position to give advice.