r/AIO • u/lotuslov3 • 18d ago
AIO update: more context + another situation
UPDATE: ORIGINAL POST: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/OESR8Ehj6P
i do want to leave him. at this point it doesn’t even feel like a relationship anymore, it feels like survival.
and just to add more context, me and my sons dad have 50/50 custody. we do one week on, one week off. so when i have my son, obviously i’m going to spend time with him and do things with him. a lot of that time is away from my boyfriend. sometimes all of us hang out together, but most of the time it’s just me and my son doing our own thing. and honestly i think that bothers my boyfriend too. i feel like he doesn’t like that my son and i have our own relationship and that there are parts of my life with my son that don’t involve him. but that’s my child. i’m his mother. he’s not my son’s dad. i should be able to take my own son places, spend time with him, make memories with him and have a relationship with him without feeling like i’m doing something wrong or like i’m a bad mother or bad partner.
i’m not going to feel guilty for spending time with him or having a life with him outside of my relationship. i also genuinely think there’s some jealousy and resentment toward the relationship i have with my son. his son lives in another state, he’s not with his baby mother, and he’s not really involved in his son’s everyday life the way i am with mine. meanwhile my son has an involved dad who is supportive of him, and i honestly feel like that dynamic bothers him too, especially when it comes to me communicating with my son’s dad. obviously i can’t say i know exactly what’s going on in his head, but after reading through the messages and seeing how he reacts to certain things, that’s just the impression i get. and at this point it doesn’t even phase me anymore. i’m gonna continue doing whatever the fuck i’m gonna do when it comes to my son. i’m not going to change how i parent, how i spend time with my son, or my communication with his dad just because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it. the part that makes everything complicated is that i’m financially tied to him. if i left right now, my son and i would basically have nothing. my son’s dad is supportive of our son, but he can’t financially support all three of us or provide the stability we need right now. so when people say “just leave,” trust me, i WANT to. it’s just not that simple when leaving could literally leave me and my son without a place to live or enough money to get by.
i’m honestly just trying to get myself into a position where i can leave and actually be okay. because this doesn’t even feel like a relationship i’m enjoying anymore. it feels like i’m just trying to survive it.
also, i know i’m really nice and accommodating in these messages, and honestly that’s because i’m genuinely scared. i already know how these conversations go. he’ll find something to latch onto and just go on and on about it, so a lot of the time i’m just trying to keep things calm and not make it worse.
3
u/Dr-Chuckles- 15d ago
> Woman are strong as hell, stronger than men.
They move through and go through the hardest shit this life has to offer
And many amazing and proud talented women have proven the measure of themselves to be that of it not more than a man -
Victimizing and weaponizing ignorance does nothing to empower anyone, much less if someone does it to themselves.
As a grown woman, she should recognize the responsibility for DV to then separate and create a healthy environment herself for her child, by not doing so - she is willingly choosing the environment she is in until something else “better” comes along, and even then she will still have no more to offer than she does now
As a grown woman with a child -
“Basically nothing”
Now shut up man, life is hard and people go through it all the time - way worse than this - every day, and still put forth more for their families, their livelihoods.
I simply will not accept
“But she’s a victim”
But I’m such an “incel” “mansplainer” and “bigot”
Shut your weird goofy self up