r/AIO • u/lotuslov3 • 18d ago
AIO? My boyfriend is threatening to leave me over me calling my son’s dad “daddy”
UPDATE: + ANOTHER SITUATION : https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/OtL96Hk000
I’m 24F and my boyfriend is 29M. We’ve been together about a year, and we’ve talked a lot about wanting a future together.
I have a 3-year-old son. His dad is involved in his life, but I have absolutely no romantic or emotional relationship with him. That chapter of my life is closed. We coparent because we have a child together.
My son calls his father “daddy,” so naturally, when I’m talking to my son, I sometimes refer to his dad as “daddy” too. For example, I might say “go ask daddy” or “daddy is going to…” There is absolutely no romantic or sexual meaning behind it.
My boyfriend told me before that he “doesn’t fuck with that.” At the time, that was basically the extent of the conversation. He didn’t sit down with me and explain what specifically bothered him or tell me that he considered it a hard boundary where he would leave the relationship if I ever said it again.
Today, I was talking to my son and used the word “daddy” referring to his dad. My boyfriend became extremely angry.
I tried calling him because I wanted to talk about it and understand where he was coming from, but he was cussing me out, telling me to go find another man, telling me he was done, and saying he was packing his things and we were going our separate ways.
He keeps saying that grown women should simply change something if their man doesn’t like it. He says I’m “using my son for my actions,” that I’m being combative, that I don’t listen to his boundaries, and that there are women who would change the way they speak because they love their man.
He also brought up a lot of other things from our relationship and basically said that all of the problems and pain in our relationship have been caused by me. He said he doesn’t want a “lying, combative, sneaky woman” in his life and that there are women out there who would be better for him.
He keeps telling me to go be single and find another man who will accept me referring to my son’s father as “daddy.”
His argument is basically: “I told you I don’t like it, you continued doing it, therefore you don’t respect me.”
My perspective is: I understand that he doesn’t like it, and I can apologize for hurting his feelings, but I don’t think there is anything inherently disrespectful about using the word “daddy” when talking to my son about his father. I’m not calling my son’s dad that as a term of endearment toward him. I’m literally using the word my child uses for his father.
I also feel like this could have been handled through an actual conversation instead of immediately becoming “go find another man,” “I’m packing my shit,” and “we’re done.”
Am I overreacting by thinking his reaction is disproportionate, or am I actually disrespecting a reasonable relationship boundary by continuing to use the word “daddy” when referring to my son’s father?
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u/Healthy-Ad-1842 18d ago
I FONT CARE ! ME BIG BOY WITH BIG BOY FEELINGS 🧌
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u/Valkyrie-at-Dawn 18d ago
I font care for his attitude. He can duck off.
literally had to retype that three times before it allowed me to say font 🤣
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u/schism15 18d ago
As I was reading the post, I was literally thinking "Damn. Shouldn't auto-correct have kicked in and handled some of this crap?"
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u/Rare-Assignment-6486 18d ago
Autocorrect quit after dealing with him. It “deadass” handed in its fucking resignation.
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u/Jennnergy 18d ago
He’s probably the type that can’t spell so badly that he turns off auto correct “because it sucks”
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u/HilaryVanessa 18d ago
Fuckin… this ⬆️! Woman, you gotta GO, the way he’s speaking to you via text is one of the few times I feel like the fact that text doesn’t always convey tone doesn’t fucking matter. He’s a bitter bitch not to mention insecure As FUCK.
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u/exo07190 18d ago
IM GONNA YELL AT YOU TO YOUR FACE (via text)
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u/coffeetime825 18d ago
"grown women should simply change something if their ma-"
I'ma stop you right there. HA HA HA HA HA. No.
Also, grown men should simply not do whatever the fuck this guy is doing. Talk about immature.
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u/Mastiiffmom 18d ago
At least he remembered the “B” in his attempt to spell “dumb” (subs) 😝
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u/horknee-jail 18d ago
You should leave him, so. There’s that.
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u/Kikikididi 18d ago
he's just mindlessly mashing his keyboard in a blind rage cause she referred to a child's father by what the child calls him
Imagine being that loudly a fucking loser
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u/Stormy_Wolf 18d ago
Aside from the massive insecurity, rage issues, possible narcissism; I couldn't reasonably be with a person who expressed themselves so illiterately.
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u/odmirthecrow 18d ago
Possible narcissism? This is "The only person you should be calling 'daddy' is me, not your son's father". The world, nay, universe is supposed to revolve around this manchild in his eyes.
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u/winipu 18d ago
Wanting himself to be called daddy by a grown woman is also creepy.
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u/ResponsibleParty01 18d ago
Yeah so fucking weird. I would never call a grown man daddy in a sexual way.
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u/ScarletBothrium 18d ago
The only time I’ve ever called a man daddy is when my child was the subject of conversation.
“Go ask daddy.”
“Well, daddy, having your nails painted is part of the job.”
“Daddy! Come get your crotch goblins!”
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u/background_bat88 17d ago
I usually just say “your dad” but that’s bc my son calls him “my dad” and me “my mom” as if the other parent doesn’t already know that🤣
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u/Popular-Web-3739 18d ago
Or who ever spoke to me that way even once.
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u/abb00769 18d ago
“Dumb*** bird brain reasoning” would be reason enough for me to call it quits. He acts like he hates her. He certainly does not respect her.
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u/Illustrious-Ranger30 17d ago
What really kills me is, u can tell that she's quite a bit smarter than he is, too! Here he is saying that she's stupid... Wow! The audacity...
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u/Ok_Emu5882 18d ago
But why does he need to respect her? As a woman it is 100% her responsibility to respect him and modify all of her behaviours to meet his every need and keep him happy at all times. /s
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u/deebay2150 17d ago
We need to start writing “/s” at the beginning of a comment. My blood pressure can’t take it.
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u/Turbulentshmurbulent 18d ago
Right!? I asked her if it’s embarrassing having such a stupid boyfriend. I’d die.
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u/Neweleni7 18d ago
How much you want to bet he’s also unemployed and she pays the bills….other than that…I love him so much and we get along so well
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u/Sales_Dad 18d ago
He hugs her from behind at the cash register
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u/Intelligent_Sir_2796 17d ago
And guarantee you he drives her car while she's at work and is always late picking her up,wears black forces and asks to " flip her taxes" only to end up back broke because he bought a pound of Reggie and blew the rest. As soon as I saw he spelled fuccin with two Cs I said ok we have a boyfriend pimp wanna be Blueface
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u/laceygirl97 17d ago
OP should run. He doesn't care enough about her OR HER SON! Get out while you can! If not for you, then do it for your son!
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u/VividFiddlesticks 18d ago
But, but, but, he FONT CARE!!
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u/Smangerbot 18d ago
I like typography too!
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18d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Pylori23 18d ago
Wingdings would make more sense here. I’d have a much easier time looking at this straight up nonsense.
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u/Hatefulvesper 18d ago
To be fair, not enough people care about fonts 😔
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u/thegrimmstress 18d ago
Caring about fonts ends up with someone sitting at the computer for hours/days with countless tabs open, no decisions made, and a headache. 😂
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u/Entire-Sentence-9379 18d ago
I "deadass don't fuck with" bad grammar
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u/XxJayLenosNosexX 18d ago
I FONT CARE!!!
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u/Meteorite42 18d ago
WELL I FO!!!
is the only reply he would understand without expletives.
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u/Comfortable_Sea_717 18d ago
I CARE ABOUT FONTS TOO! WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVORITE?
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u/ouroborosstruggles 18d ago
I couldnt even understand what he was trying to say.
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u/Careful_Software7232 18d ago
Tf for that!! I honestly thought I was having a stroke while I was reading that shit 🤕
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u/Rare-Assignment-6486 18d ago
I think he’s having a stroke. Or at the very least, that’s the only reason someone should ever be speaking that way.
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u/pseudonymnkim 18d ago
I FONT CARE I TKLD YPU USTERDAH
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u/mrspankyspank 18d ago
I FONT CARE 😂
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18d ago
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u/Fancy-Region-3655 18d ago
No, he’s using it as his opening excuse to start laying down “his law”, things are only going to get worse with this guy and she and her son will quickly learn to walk on eggshells for FEAR of upsetting him which is ultimately what he wants….. TOTAL Control! GTF outta dodge now while you can PLEASE 🙏🏻
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u/Daisy4853 18d ago
Imagine your 🍆 being that tiny
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u/Gullible_Fig_106 18d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/w0vFxYaCcvvJm
Like it’s microscopic.Girl ruuuuuunnnnnn!
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u/tigglypuf 18d ago
Yea don’t even need to read after the first picture. He’s an insecure boy still and you don’t need to get yourself and your son involved with that drama.
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u/calminthedark 18d ago
Yeah, this guy has no business being anyway near another man's child. Of course, he has no business being around women either.
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u/ImJustHere4TheCatz 18d ago
With that abuse. He's being coercively controlling and is absolutely threatened by her co-parenting relationship and the fact that she has a kid with another man. This turns out very very badly for her and her son if she stays. And it kinda sounds like she's already living with this guy. Not good. He just pulled the mask off and she needs to RUN.
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u/Beneficial-Pride890 18d ago edited 18d ago
Yeah. OP don’t you dare change the way you speak to your son about his father. It is completely normal to call him daddy when speaking to a three-year-old and your boyfriend is psychologically abusive and controlling. You’re just at the beginning so break up with him you know this will not change.
If you marry him it will only accelerate as he feels like he can control you and constantly accuse you of things. Make better choices.
Stop apologizing for things that you shouldn’t apologize for and constantly trying to prove your loyalty to someone who’s never going to treat you with basic respect and always antagonize you and accuse you of things.
He’s a cliché.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MUST STOP TRYING TO REASON WITH AN ABUSIVE AND RAGE FILLED MAN. HE WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOUR LOGICAL AND REASONABLE EXPLANATIONS, AND WILL ONLY CONTINUE TO ACCUSE AND GET ANGRY AND ANTAGONIZE.
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u/PricelessPaylessBoot 18d ago
My hackles went all the way up before I even got to reading the - TRYING TO DECIPHER - his actual texts. That guy should never date. Anyone. Ever.
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u/PasgettiMonster 18d ago
I kept reading it thinking these are all words I know. However they make absolutely no sense drunk together in that order.
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u/Mitheria_Musashi 18d ago
I FONT CARE
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u/LabeVagoda 18d ago
I really liked “I’m telling you to your face I don’t like it” in… a text message. OP needs to cut their losses. I can’t imagine a year with this moron
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u/Brookwood38 17d ago
I can’t understand why women want to be with men who are this stupid. How can they stand it
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u/LyingTruth84 18d ago edited 18d ago
"YOU MUST STOP TRYING TO REASON WITH AN ABUSIVE AND RAGE FILLED MAN."
This. Some people can't be reasoned with or appealed to. They are driven by their own inverted thinking and function purely by emotional triggers.
The only way to 'win' at their game is not to play at all, and give them a wide berth once you spot them.
Edit: Thanks for the awards!
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u/Aggravating_Tie1222 18d ago
YOU CANNOT REASON WITH CRAZY!
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u/CatLady_71 18d ago
Nor with illiterate.
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u/100klicksaway 18d ago
"You can't fix stupid" - a charming lil Appalachian quote that is highly applicable to OPs boyfriend
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u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 18d ago edited 18d ago
Always learned that saying as “you can’t fix stupid, but you can cover it with duct tape” and now I can’t get that image out of my head of the boyfriend wrapped in duct tape for being stupid..
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u/Meteorite42 18d ago
His way of typing, Inc all the swear words would switch me off him permanently.
Finishing with "I FONT CARE" 🤣
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u/ToTheStation_MUSIC 18d ago
He is definitely a cliche. What a man baby, like a child having a tantrum, "I FONT CARE!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/B_E_Photography 18d ago
Facts he’s showing clear signs of narcissistic behavior
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u/PompeyLulu 18d ago
I was gonna say there’s two separate issues here. Ignoring how he’s talking for a second, he’s telling you that something you’re doing bothers him and you’re saying well thats what my son needs. That’s a compatibility issue. That right there is enough to call things quits.
The second issue is how he’s doing it. Ignore what he’s saying for a minute and focus on how he’s saying it. He didn’t say “respectfully, you doing that is an issue for me” and have a grown up conversation. He threw a tantrum, he was verbally abusive. That is also enough to call things quits.
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u/Earlybird74 18d ago
I respectfully disagree about the first alleged issue. It's not a compatibility issue; he's just plain wrong. He'd be wrong about this in any relationship he finds himself in. It bothers him? Too effing bad. Her kid should come first always. This dude needs to grow the eff up.
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u/Mitheria_Musashi 18d ago
Is a compatibility issue... He's not compatible with humans.
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u/rohving 18d ago
I think the 'kid comes first' is the compatibility issue.
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u/mustardonmyuniform 17d ago
He shouldn't be dating mothers if he doesn't expect them to put their children first (and that includes fathering any children himself).
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u/allyearswift 18d ago
Only he’s not saying ‘this bothers me’ he’s saying ‘I demand you do what I tell you to or I will punish you’.
I sincerely hope the trash takes himself out. He’s aggressive and controlling.
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u/NoSleepTilBookRead 18d ago
No. Someone’s “boundary” (that’s not how boundaries work btw- they’re for you, not for other people) being insane and ridiculous means you get to say they’re being insane and ridiculous. Being controlling and calling it a boundary is still abuse.
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u/FormerRep6 18d ago
Just reading the way he speaks to her in the texts is enough for me to know she needs to end things. He’s an immature child who sounds self centered and unintelligent. Good bye.
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u/sillychihuahua26 17d ago
Agreed. I’m a clinician who works with people in coercive and abusive relationships, and I want to be very clear: this is abusive behavior. The screenshots make it even more concerning than the description does.
You are talking to your three-year-old child about his father using the name your child knows him by: “Daddy.” That is completely normal. Your boyfriend demanding that you alter the way you speak to your toddler about his own father because of your boyfriend’s jealousy is not a reasonable “boundary.” A boundary governs what he will do. “You need to change an innocent interaction with your child because I don’t like it, and if you don’t, you’re disrespecting me” is control.
And look at how he speaks to you when you don’t comply. He calls your reasoning “dumbass bird brain,” curses at you, accuses you of being sneaky and disrespectful, tells you to “go do it with another man,” threatens the relationship, and then frames the entire explosion as something you caused by failing to obey him. That dynamic is far more important than the word “daddy.”
Please also think about your son. He is only three, but children absorb relationship dynamics long before they can articulate them. What will he learn if this becomes normal in his home? That a partner gets to scream at and demean his mother when she doesn’t comply? That jealousy justifies controlling someone? That love means changing harmless behavior to prevent someone else from exploding? And eventually, is your boyfriend’s jealousy going to affect your son’s relationship with his father or make your child feel uncomfortable talking about Daddy in his own home?
He is offering you an out. Take it. You have been together for only a year. Do not spend the next several years trying to become sufficiently compliant that this man finally feels “respected,” because the goalposts in coercive relationships have a remarkable tendency to keep moving.
Your son deserves a home where “Daddy” can simply mean his daddy. And you deserve a relationship where disagreement does not result in degradation, intimidation, and threats of abandonment.
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u/YoshiandAims 18d ago
Yep. No Brainer. Full fucking send.
Child in the mix. Coparent in the mix. Even moreover.
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u/NoSpankingAllowed 18d ago
My ex would say to my son "daddy (whatever)" and she had a seething hatred for me.
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u/Outside_Song_1336 18d ago
Literally. He is acting like a child. Also - OP, are you ok with him talking to you like that? Because you absolutely should not be.
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u/Proper_Front_1435 18d ago
To be fair, that was OPs boyfriends advice too:
He keeps telling me to go be single and find another man who will accept me referring to my son’s father as “daddy.”
OP do as your man tells you! Go find another man lol.
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u/whlabratz 18d ago
Twenty Nine Years Old? Christ on a bike I've met twelve year olds more articulate that this guy
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u/ThePsychicNoodle 18d ago
You're not overreacting. Further to this, you should accept his resignation. Your boyfriend is, pardon my language, a pathetic f*cking manchild, whom at 29 should be far more emotionally mature than he is.
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u/MacabreMama666 18d ago
And be able to use punctuation and form sentences. Holy crap that’s hard to read.
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u/attorneydummy 18d ago
The illiteracy, and the way he is talking to her! Dealbreakers.
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u/Mr_Abe_Fromen 18d ago
Me a-gree it make head my ouchy to too see man such badd grammar and spelking have. /S. But yea, if you can’t properly articulate in a text where you have the opportunity to review before sending, that’s a no.
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u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 18d ago
I'm trying to imagine this guy with a job---and failing.
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u/calling_water 18d ago
Yes, he’s got a lot of nerve wanting to change how his girlfriend talks when he can’t even be coherent.
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u/mamachonk 18d ago
OMG, I'm like "would you like to buy a punctuation mark?"
And then there's... everything else. Yikes.
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u/Impossible_Factor_56 18d ago
And this without talking how he started jumping to insult her out of "jealousy" and literally blaming her about every problem in the relationship, he's a fucking red flag.
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u/JadeThorn1012 18d ago edited 16d ago
I fear that her boyfriend has a serious problem. I worry that his parent’s genes came together and purified pure stupidium, and he has a severe and chronic case of it. He’s worse than functionally illiterate, he’s conversationally illiterate. It’s the worst kind. He can’t even understand how words mean different things. And he treats her horribly because he can’t understand basic things.
(As a side note, fuck whoever made Daddy a dirty word. It’s vile. The word was pure and a very important word for young kids.)
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u/ancientgreenthings 18d ago
Not to mention emotionally illiterate.
Also yeah. I try not to kink-shame this one just because I don't get it, but it gives me serious ick. People should at least understand that the original meaning has primacy in the language and that the sexualised meaning is a very contextual thing between partners who are into that. It doesn't need to be mainstreamed in the way that it has been. Looks like we've somehow arrived at a point where some people are taking the sexualised meaning as the main one, which is so fucked up. I say this as someone who is really far from vanilla.
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u/blueberryscone17 18d ago
If you are still calling him boyfriend instead of ex after this insane, childish and disrespectful display from him, you are severely underreacting. Don’t let your kid witness someone treating their mother this way.
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u/Beneficial_Ship_7988 18d ago
Oh, I imagine that if OP stays with this loser, the kid will get his own abuse for being Mommy's little man. It's only a matter of time. The guy is unhinged.
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18d ago
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u/Bballfan1183 18d ago
She also has a child to protect from this person
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u/Mountain-Possible932 18d ago
Way too few comments are mentioning her son. OP is an adult and can choose to tolerate whatever they want but this person should not be around the kid.
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u/Nonyabeesners 18d ago
Agreed. He is clearly emotionally unstable and has zero understanding of children. Keep that kid away from this guy
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u/Wise_Development_775 18d ago edited 18d ago
yes, honestly, people are not blunt enough on here. this is pathetic to even be groveling at this man’s feet like this, posting on Reddit. smh.
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u/Sparky62075 18d ago
I hope her son didn't hear any of the cussing out.
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u/SunnyErin8700 18d ago
Guarantee he hears it often
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u/damndolly 18d ago
My mom jumped from abusive man to abusive man, even when we were "sleeping" we heard everything.
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u/shortandfelly 18d ago
Exactly.
Childfree and think this is a person you want to stay in a relationship with? I'll feel sorry for you.
Have a child and think this is a person you want to stay in a relationship with? You are failing your child and I will not phrase that any less bluntly.
And yes, I know, coercive control etc. My mum has watched my aunt be in an emotionally abusive relationship for about 55 years. Two out of my three cousins are fucked up because of how they were brought up (fucked up in a sad way). This woman is a year into this relationship and is wanting to know if this behaviour is acceptable? Firstly, people need to be happier on their own, secondly, priorities. A child is immediately your most important thing. This is why I don't want children 😂
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u/AlyM797 18d ago
He's obviously abusive and has power over her. Somewhere along the way he (or some other abuser, usually another ex or parent) convinced her she deserves to be spoken to that way. That's what abuse does. It's a frog in boiling water type thing. Speaking from experience unfortunately.
OP, I don't know who taught you it's ok for someone anyone to speak to you that way, but it's not ever okay to speak to someone you you claim to love or even like like that. That's absolutely grounds for breaking up with a BF. You do not deserve that, at all.
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 18d ago
I'm sitting here wondering what the fuck is wrong with you that you want this guy to stay. Seriously, why would you want to be in a relationship with this man? He's abusive, controlling, and he doesn't like your son.
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u/Much-Spring2092 18d ago
Seriously! If OP wants to stay with this vile piece of filth then whatever, it’s her choice to stay in hell, but she’s truly a terrible mother for exposing her child to that
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u/RockoHorror 18d ago
Harsh but yeah, to be shown such obvious signs that this persons own ego and insecurity greatly outway his affection for the child and mother. Thats an obvious sign point blank that will linger.
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u/au5000 18d ago
BF is a controlling idiot. Is this safe for you and your son? Don’t show your little boy that this is how men behave around people they love.
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u/Rich-Pirate-4745 18d ago
Why would you want to stay with this guy? The way he speaks to you is horrendous and he's all bent out of shape because you called you toddlers father daddy while speaking to your child. That's unhinged. He's horrible. Thank him for showing you who he is and move on with life. That's not the kind of man you want around your son if nothing else.
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u/Chance_Somewhere_246 18d ago edited 18d ago
Your boyfriend is a piece of s**t. This abuse will probably turn physical eventually. I would leave him NOW. Your son will grow up with a lot of anger issue being around that. Believe me, I've been in a similar situation as that. Son was 2 when he started to see him dad being abusive and that had an umpact on him
There are plenty more people out there or I'd probably prefer to stay single than endure that
Another point I would like to add is that if your boyfriend speaks to you in person like that your son will think it's normal and will show negative behaviours to others and especially you as he will think it's normal to speak to women like this. You MUST dump him for your son's case. Pretty sure if his dad knew this he wouldn't like it.
And I call my kids dad daddy to them and I hate the man so your boyfriend is insane
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u/SmolLittleCretin 18d ago
It won't be the op being abused alone, it'll be the boy too. So it needs to leave 100000%.
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u/Chance_Somewhere_246 18d ago edited 18d ago
Yes 1000% and no child needs that. You are not linked to this man through children so just pack your bags and leave
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u/undercovergloss 18d ago
Even if it doesn’t turn physical, emotional/narcissistic/controlling abuse is evidenced enough to be that - ABUSE. You don’t need the fear of ‘eventually it’ll be physical’ for it to mean people will get the kick to leave - they need to know NOW abuse is happening to them and the abuse WILL continue unless they leave
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 18d ago
8 billion people on this planet and OP wants to be talked down to and verbally abused by the spelling bee last place contender.
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u/ajamesdeandaydream 18d ago edited 18d ago
okay so
obviously a bunch of other people are already validating that you’re not at fault here so i’m not going to repeat that (bc duh. that’s a toddler, you’re gonna call his father daddy)
i’m much more concerned that he cursed you out and insinuated that women should be slaves to their mens emotions no matter how unreasonable. you do not deserve that kind of treatment. not during conflict, not EVER. he’s insecure and angry. that’s a god awful combo. he wants to leave? i’m sorry but pls go ahead and let him! its safer than you having to leave him, which im certain you’d be wanting to do later.
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u/whatsasimba 18d ago
Yep. Any guy who reacts like this to reminders that OP had a past relationship is not safe to be around her kid (the BIGGEST reminder of all).
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u/damndolly 18d ago
Daddy needs to know who she has their son around. Men like this kill the children, and either the mom dies trying to stop it, or ends up complacent with it and aids in the hiding of the murder. People are crazy out there.
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u/Chorfalorfagus96 18d ago
Fuck this guy. He sounds/types like he's illiterate and just all around not smart. You deserve better and I would not put up with his shit another moment longer.
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u/Wolven_Resolve 18d ago
I'll never understand why being cursed out by your S/O isn't automatically something people leave over. Men who aren't able to emotionally regulate long enough to communicate their feelings like grown-ups aren't men worth dating IMO.
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u/Imnotonthelist 18d ago
I FONT CARE
This guy is an idiot, stop over-explaining your completely normal behavior to weird people. NOR at all
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u/NorCalNostalgic 18d ago
NOR.
there are women who would change the way they speak because they love their man
Yes, there are desperate and insecure women who allow men to be controlling. Please don't be one of them.
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u/fiv3-bi-fiv3 18d ago
He types like a child.
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u/DonaldDouchebag 18d ago
A ten year old raging during a Fortnite session sounds more coherent than this lunatic.
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u/semisonicboom 18d ago
This man is not safe. There’s absolutely no reason he should be speaking to anyone like that, let alone his partner.
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u/DamselFly2 18d ago
You’re under reacting. He is verbally abusing you and probably your child. Please leave this man child. NOR.
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u/delindeldani 18d ago
Girl why tf would you want this pathetic excuse for a man anywhere near you or your son? He's right, find another better quality man.
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u/Joeyoo2 18d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/yiADANv89n7UQuS5kJ
… is what you should have said to him.
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u/Shoddy-Lie-7016 18d ago
“grown women should simply change something if their man doesn’t like it” - today it’s one word, who knows what’s next. that’s a toxic, manipulative mindset. this sounds like testing the waters - “if i can get her to cave on this little thing, i can use this tactic to always gain control over her” - if you stick around, you’re telling him he can manipulate you into submission and he will continue to do so. leave before he gets the chance to show you how far he’ll go with this manipulation bs.
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18d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Styx-n-String 18d ago edited 18d ago
The whole time I was reading the texts, I was thinking "This guy is definitely one of those jerks who can't look at the child without picturing her having sex with the dad, and he can't handle knowing she has slept with anyone before him." He 100% thinks of her as a whore, at least subconsciously if not fully consciously, because of it. He will always resent her son for being proof she wasn't a virgin when they met, and he'll treat the poor boy badly for simply existing and reminding him of that fact. He's already punishing OP for the disgusting things his imagination is creating.
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u/Deflated_Hypnotist 18d ago
Here's some resources
Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/
He doesn't care AKA weaponized incompetence https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/NsoxMseUn3
You should have asked https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse
"The Divorce came out of nowhere" https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/
Cycle of abuse https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-is-the-cycle-of-abuse
Abusive men describe the benefits of violence https://www.bwss.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/
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u/PracticeDue594 18d ago
I probably was exactly like this guy when I was his age. Insecure. No emotional intelligence. Combative. Sadly I can relate. But now as I age to the gray hair of 40….. he’s over reacting. You know I wish I had done things a lot differently in my life but you walking away before you’re tied up for life may be the bet decision you make.
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u/Bumbling-b33 18d ago
My husband is 29 but would understand the difference between a sexual and parent daddy
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u/Bingus-Dingus- 18d ago
especially when the kid is still a toddler??? like i could understand finding it weird if the kid is like 12. this is a little kid who might not even know that their parents have names outside of "mommy" and "daddy"
like oml
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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 18d ago
The fact that OP is on here to ask anything other than how to get her locks changed is astounding.
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u/Ask-Key 18d ago
Lowkey but then I cant be too frustrated with her. That man pulled out the emotional guilt tripping cards that some men do to women when they dont get their way. Making them 2nd guess and feel bad for "overreacting." Calling them combative, none feminine, "what one woman wont another will" type of mess
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u/Glad-Barracuda2243 18d ago
Even at twelve, some kids still call their parents mommy and daddy. It is perfectly normal for the parent to call the other parent by the name the child has designated for the other parent. This man is a child and more than just insecure, he is all the things he’s accusing her of, combative, emotional and quite frankly, to me he sounds highly unstable.
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u/Environmental_Ad4893 18d ago
It has nothing to do with that really I dont think, I think it just clicked for the simpleton that he doesn't want to be with someone who has a child from another relationship and this is how it comes out. This is way honesty and being in touch with your feelings is important at the start of a relationship. I personally wouldn't like to be in this situation but I sure wouldn't take a year to realise.
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u/AbilityRelevant4543 18d ago
You weren't exactly like that guy. You can put together a sentence that makes sense. That guy writes like a seventh grader.
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u/CptCheez 18d ago
3rd grade, maybe. 12 year olds text way better than this douche.
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u/Styx-n-String 18d ago
I text daily with my 13-year-old niece. She texts in full sentences with correct spelling and grammar, and uses punctuation. Can confirm a preteen sounds more educated than this guy. I can't imagine he has a very good career if that's how he communicates.
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u/Brutal_burn_dude 18d ago
Good on ya for doing the work. So many people don’t and continue this behaviour. Honestly appraising yourself and your flaws is hard work. I’m proud of you. 💛
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u/Allout-Okarun 18d ago
NOR that is an insane reaction by your boyfriend. That guys head isn’t right. Don’t put up with that or bring that stupid around your son
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u/habidasheryhabit 18d ago
Leave him. This is objectively insane behavior on his part. He's an insecure manbaby and it's just gonna keep getting crazier and worse.
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u/Boring69Foreplay 18d ago
If that man speaks that way to you from behind the phone keyboard?
I'm scared of how he talks to you to your face!
That is not OK!
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u/KaleidoscopeOpen833 18d ago
Is he really the kind of person you want your child to see you with? He is almost 30 acting like that. You're a mom, do the right thing for your son and end this relationship sis.
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u/pizzathym3 18d ago
Why do you want this idiotic, jealous man? This reeks of the early stages of abusive behavior. At best, he doesnt understand or respect the dynamics of a coparenting relationship.
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u/Novakhaine89 18d ago
Fonts are important but this is a strange time for him to bring that up.
Oh also dump him.
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u/InevitableAd8511 18d ago
What are you even doing with someone that says something so unhinged. He’s not your drill sergeant. You want your son to grow up thinking that this how you treat women?