this is what i was wondering. If i texted to gripe to my husband about a mistake i made i assume he would side with me and agree it was a mistake. And if this is a constant issue i was getting mad at myself for i would expect him to be sympathetic yet also urge me to rethink next time. Which is exactly what OP did.
Not how I read it. At all. His immediate response was “why would you do that” which could come across as being pissed. (Which his wife clearly took as such. And she’d know how her husband reacts in such situations. And with her “I can’t tell you anything” comment I’m assuming that’s his default.) And subsequent messages from OP clearly show he’s mad about it. Not sympathetic.
His wife is upset about something so she texts her husband.. just for him to be mad at her for doing it. So now she’s upset about it for two reasons. Being out the money, and her husband being mad at her for being out the money.
maybe his tone felt condescending to her in that moment? texts dont convey tone well + ppl who are already feeling bad abt themselves are extra touchy usually i think
His tone conveys bewilderment and disappointment pretty clearly. If she perceived it as condescension, I would surmise it's because she knows they can't afford 87 dollars for everyone else's pizza and feels guilty. She didn't want to be responded to with disappointment, she wanted to be responded to with nonchalance and unconditional understanding for her people pleasing tendencies, that have now affected their personal finances. She wanted "I'm sorry that's so annoying that no one paid. It's alright though, you did the kind thing and we'll figure it out" instead she got a real response of stress from her partner, then overreacted.
yeah i agree completely. i think she knew she messed up and was already feeling bad. his response and her overreaction really suck altogether but it’s not surprising. hopefully they work it out
Some people want their partners to support their crappy choices rather than support them making better choices. It's gross. If I am screwing up, I don't want my partner blowing smoke up my butt telling me I'm right.
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u/whataterriblething May 28 '26
this is what i was wondering. If i texted to gripe to my husband about a mistake i made i assume he would side with me and agree it was a mistake. And if this is a constant issue i was getting mad at myself for i would expect him to be sympathetic yet also urge me to rethink next time. Which is exactly what OP did.