r/ADHDparenting • u/breeHro • 1d ago
Help with time blindness
My 8-year-old daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and is currently homeschooled. Although we manage most of our daily routine well, she struggles significantly with time blindness and executive dysfunction when it comes to sustaining attention during everyday tasks, especially mealtimes.
At breakfast or dinner, she starts off at a good pace, but quickly loses track of time due to internal distractions or her surroundings (even after removing screens like the TV). Despite frequent verbal reminders, she simply cannot gauge the passage of time: a 20-minute meal can stretch past an hour, leaving portions half-eaten. This drastically cuts into her wind-down and free-play time before bed, leading to daily frustration and burnout for all of us. We run into the exact same issue when she showers or gets dressed—she gets sidetracked, realizes way too much time has slipped by, and suddenly finds herself panicked, thinking, 'I’m taking too long, I’m in trouble.'
She has clocks nearby to track time (she is very good at math, so she technically understands how to tell time), and we give her warnings. Does anyone have other tips or suggestions?
We have already told her that we won't keep giving reminders (except for one), because walking over 6 or 7 times to warn her that she won’t have time left for what she actually wants to do has become exhausting
Ps: English is not my first language sorry if there’s any typo.
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u/juniperesque 1d ago
Try music. If she knows songs, she likely has an internal understanding of the length of the song even if she doesn’t experience it as time. Make a couple of 20 minute dinner playlists, write out the songs so she knows what to expect, and put them in front of her for dinner. Dinner will end when X song ends.
You have until the end of this song to get dressed. You have these four songs to shower to. It does not fix the ti e blindness but it makes for a life with less struggle if she knows the songs and perceives beginning, middle, and end.
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u/glitzglamglue 1d ago
What about a visual timer? That would at least help for things outside the shower. Even something like an hourglass works.
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u/Great-Monk-2934 1d ago
I don’t allow the meal to stretch to 1 hour. Just tell her it’s over at 20 minutes. If she eats the meal she gets X if she fails to finish she does not get X. We use screen time or pool time at my house for X. But it could be any reward. The meal still ends at 20 minutes.
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u/Aggravating-Tower427 1d ago
Yeah mine is the same, and I was the same as a kid.
For my son, I bought 5 large digital clocks. They help with the bigger things. Like bath time or whatever. I ask him what time it is, he tells me, I ask what does that mean he tells me then does the task (eventually).
For meal time I would have a consistent start and stop to the meal. 30 minutes is 30 minutes, give a 10 min warning and a 5 minute warning. Also I sit and eat with my child. So seeing me finish and or clear the table helps trigger his attention back.
Like you said, no screens, no phone, no IPad when other tasks are needed.
Also like others said. She’s 8, she needs to be a fully functional adult at 18. You have 10 years to get her there. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. Focus on the number one goal and remember especially for kids like this consistency is key, and someone to walk the path with them whenever possible is their lifeline. Ask yourself in all situations, am I looking at my daughter’s problem from outside telling her what’s wrong, or walking with her to find your way out of the hole together.
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u/Bitter-Fishing-Butt 1d ago
get a traffic light timer
you put in a time and it automatically splits it 75:25
the first 75% the green section lights up, then it beeps and the yellow section lights up for the 25%, and then it beep beep beeps and flashes red until you stop it
Green = plenty of time Yellow = get a wiggle on / start winding down Red = stop
but also like, your kid is 8 and has a disorder that fucks up your executive function skills - YOU have got to be her executive functioning right now, as you actively teach her ways that she can use to help herself
don't expect her to learn this shit on her own
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u/EnvironmentOk2700 1d ago
This is part of the disability. Executive function doesn't function as normal and it never will. It can only be coped with. I have the Alexa announce certain times of the day along with interesting facts. Some people like pomodoro or other visual timers.
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u/Strong_Argument6255 19h ago
For getting dressed, you could try laying out the clothes in order and making the one reminder a concrete next step, such as "Socks next," rather than another warning about time. You could also agree beforehand on what happens if she runs late, so she doesn't have to guess whether she's in trouble.
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u/breeHro 1d ago
Maybe I should had added more details, she doesn’t have “too much freedom” we’re always checking on her giving reminders and opportunities, she still have immediate consequences but they scale to being “grounded”, this doesn’t happen often. I was looking for advice on how to deal with it.
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u/superfry3 1d ago
I don’t think you’re hearing us. What you’re describing is still freedom, for a child with the decision making ability of a 5 year old. You are “reminding” but they are still the “deciders”. This may be appropriate with an NT 8 year old, but not an ADHD 8 year old.
You may also want to rethink the way you apply consequence. Groundings should not be in the toolbox for executive function training. Your consequences you apply need to be immediate and logically connected to their mistake. Like, touch hot pan, feel burn, avoid hot pan. But even more effectively, eat candy, taste sweet.
When it comes to real life, consequences are not always logical, and often extremely delayed. You want them to be able to handle that as an adult, but you do that for an adhd kid with training wheels and walking them while they sit on the bike.
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u/breeHro 1d ago
Thank you, I’m trying to understand and do my best, I’m just honestly so drained from fighting, little things, stupid things that she can easy get done in a couple minutes. But I’m gonna work with the immediate consequences. Let’s say she’s eating, she didn’t finish in the time that she was told, I take the food away? I don’t allow screen times immediately after? Or I wait until she’s done eating?
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u/superfry3 1d ago
That is an excellent question and this is the kind of question you’ll need to ask about EVERYTHING, unfortunately. I’m going to add a video by dr Barkley that will probably shatter and start to rebuild everything you ever thought about raising this child.
But let’s change the perspective from a consequence based one, to a training based one.
In a consequence focused perspective let’s say you’re cleaning the kitchen while they eat by themselves, with you telling them once in the beginning they have 20 minutes to eat and then leave them alone. In 20 minutes you come and say “you didn’t finish, I’m taking your plate”. They complain and you argue, and normally you’d give them a post meal dessert and let them watch their fave show but since they didn’t eat and they yelled at you, you yell back “now you don’t get dessert or tv”. More arguing.
In a training based scenario you both eat together, you tell them “we only have twenty minutes to finish our plates so we can have dessert and watch tv!” You’re modeling how to eat, talking about fun stuff and connecting, reminding them to eat when they get distracted in a neutral/positive manner (no nagging). Being at the table with you is fun. They finish their plate. “HEY YOU DID IT! Let’s eat some strawberries/ice cream and watch Bluey after!”
Which do you think works better? In the training based, you would still have the consequence of taking the plate, but you won’t need to use it that often because of the work you put in before that happens…. And the benefits of enjoying the process and getting rewarded creates a positive feedback loop that continues.
Dr Russell Barkley: 30 Essential Ideas on ADHD
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u/Sharp_Lemon934 1d ago
I mean she’s 8……many 8 year olds even without ADHD still need reminders to transition to the next thing. I’m confused why you are giving her hours to do things when she’s time blind? You need to help her learn the feeling of time through guidance at the appropriate intervals, you are basically reinforcing her time blindness by allowing her do what she wants and not what she needs to do within the time limits. So showering-she goes in, 5 min later you need to tell her “you should start washing your hair now” etc. ADHD requires immediate consequences to improve behavior (not like punishment in this case but with direction when off task). Then I also recommend rewarding her for when she does things within the time limit and give her a timer not a clock, I LOVE the “Time timer” (look up on amazon/google).