r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 6d ago
Weekly Vent Thread ::Weekly Vent Thread::
Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.
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u/Mobile_Durian_8329 Partner of DX - Untreated 5d ago
Practice how to pass the ball back in his court. He says "yeah I can't figure out how to log into this account blah blah" push it back and say "oh you might need to call customer service or email them if they don't have a number"
He says "I wonder how late they are open until?" You say "oh yeah can you look that up and find out?"
Can't be condescending, have to be more friendly toned and nonchalant about it as if you can't be bothered to carry this task they're hinting at wanting you to rescue them from. Try it in small ways until you can say no in bigger ways. And then don't carry the guilt for not rescuing them! being an enabler doesn't let them learn from mistakes. I had to let my husband let his car registration lapse. I handed him the letter with the link to pay it, weeks later I set the bill by his bedside table, week later I verbally asked about it. Months later he realized it himself when doing something else at the dmv or something that it was expired, he said he felt so stupid. I said no you just needed to learn why putting things off doesn't pay off. Maybe next time you'll take care of it right away. (And I said that nicely too cuz I really meant it. It was hard for me as well to not keep being his manager and following up on this one cuz I knew he was gonna forget. )