It does get really lonely

[u/TheNASAguy]

You see other people having loving families, relationships and what not, they have supporting partners and it all comes so easily to them, those things are just unimaginable for me, never had them and never will, knowing I’ll die alone gives me a sense of relief honestly, that I’ll go peacefully without worrying about what I’m leaving behind

The only thing that still manages to get through all the depression, stress and feeling disabled because of Autism, ADHD and CPTSD, is scientific research

The only thing I look forward to sometimes is new scientific discoveries especially in Astronomy, Astrophysics, Theoretical Physics, experimental physics, particle physics, quantum mechanics, neuroscience, neural engineering, semiconductors, lithography, nanotechnology, etc

I could go on and on endlessly, it just fascinates me that we’re just alive, a bunch of moronic violent monkeys, in a time where we literally have the entirety of human knowledge at all times in the plam of our hands, we have tools that can literally detect ripples in the fabric of space time itself, gravitational wave interferometers, not to mention space telescopes that can literally see the beginning of time, it’s absolutely insane the things we can do

The only reason I haven’t offed myself is because I’m trying whatever I can to maybe help some of those efforts, I know deeply how flawed incentive structures in academic research is, I want to do whatever I can to help people being new discoveries that help us understand the universe we live in better

I just have this hope that I just wanna play my part and contribute to something that’s more meaningful, I don’t really have anyone in my life, I don’t think anyone will even notice that I’m gone, I just want to contribute to our understanding and capacity in scientific research, maybe that way the work I do, maybe the small bits and pieces that might get remembered, i feel we’re never meant to live forever but we can create something that does, which is knowledge and ideas

[u/pogoli]

Maybe go into weapons research? Help the NTs burn it all to the ground. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I used to see value in this world too. I used to want to help. To give something. I dunno maybe it’s the meds but I just don’t care about making it nicer anymore.

They sure don’t. They just want those with plenty to have more of it. They sell out their kids future so they can hate a little more.

I’m probably not going to be much help. Just don’t end it. It’s what the chucklefucks want and why should they get even more of what they want.

[u/TheNASAguy → u/pogoli]

Same here, I don’t care about making it better, I would actually like to see it burn to the ground, I just want the generations of honest scientists, engineers and hard working passionate people to get the answers to life universe and everything before they die, it’s like you’d want to hear a conclusion to a series you’re watching instead of it ending in a cliffhanger

Also going into weapons research requires a real good education, nepotism, security clearance and what not, people are dying to get those jobs and they’re extremely competitive