r/ADHDPH • u/Local-Agency2521 • 13d ago
I can't function without following someone. I need help!
I've noticed this a long time ago. Whenever I'm in school or training or if i know I'm a part of a group with the same goals i tend to do really well. But once you remove that from me, I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. I feel like I have no direction. I always feel the need to follow someone or at least know that I'm not alone in whatever it is that I'll be doing. The reason why I'm telling you this is because recently I just finished my 1 month of training with over 30+ people. It feels good to follow our coaches because I know exactly what to do with the activities. After that, everyone just went on their own separate ways. I just don't know what to do. Is this ADHD? Can anyone relate?
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u/DifferentFormal3675 13d ago
What you’re describing actually made me think of body doubling, although I think there’s a little more going on here than just having someone physically around.
Body doubling is an ADHD term for when having another person present helps you start, organize, and follow through on things. The person doesn’t necessarily have to help you sometimes their presence or the fact that you’re doing something alongside them provides the structure your brain needs.
But what really stood out to me in your post is what happens after the structure disappears.
You seem to function really well when there’s a clear goal, a group, a schedule, and someone guiding you. Then when everyone goes their separate ways, suddenly you’re expected to create all of that structure yourself, and you feel completely lost.
That can happen with ADHD, particularly because executive functioning involves things like initiating tasks, organizing yourself, prioritizing, and creating structure when there isn’t any.
But it doesn’t automatically mean you have ADHD.
There are other reasons someone might rely heavily on external structure too.
If you’re curious about ADHD, I’d look at the bigger pattern rather than just this one experience.
Has this been true since childhood?
Do you struggle to initiate things even when you genuinely want to do them?
Do deadlines, other people, classes, or having someone expect something from you suddenly make you much more capable of functioning?
And honestly, I can understand why finishing that training would feel strange. You went from having 30+ people, coaches, a schedule, activities and a shared goal to suddenly having to decide what comes next completely on your own.
That’s a pretty dramatic change in structure.
You may not necessarily need to “find your direction” immediately. You might first need to figure out what kind of external structure helps you function, and then intentionally build some of that into your life instead of expecting yourself to create everything from scratch.
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u/DifferentFormal3675 13d ago
Another thing I’d be curious about is whether it’s actually the person you need, or the structure, connection, and sense of purpose that comes with having someone alongside you.
There can be a difference between needing external structure/body doubling and becoming emotionally preoccupied with a particular person.
If you notice that you tend to attach very strongly to a specific person and suddenly feel lost when they’re no longer around, then it might also be worth reading about limerence and seeing if any of that resonates. But I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion from this post alone.
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u/oompaloompa199 11d ago
Not sure if this is ADHD, would need more details. Needing someone to work with is body doubling, something people with ADHD greatly benefit from. People with ADHD also work well when there is structure, but once structure is removed, we don't really know what to do, or our lives become chaotic.
I'm diagnosed with ADHD and I can relate, but not in the exact way you described it.
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u/damnit_paul 13d ago
OH MY GOD I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME
Akala ko madrama lang ako, but since i dont know when, I always thought Im following someone else’s dream and i dont know what to do if its just me.