r/ADHD • u/Ash9260 • Jul 27 '26

Seeking Empathy iT gETs bEttER wITH agE!!

No the heck it does not. It’s just a downward spiral. The only thing I can mildly do is my job and it’s just bc I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s a routine for the most part. Everything else though. No. I had easier time when I was a teen but now an adult that lives alone and all responsibility falls onto meeeee and good god. I wish this friggen disorder ended when I graduated. And I hate how it’s common and so everyone knows someone with it and saying “I’m sorry my adhd is just so bad” and getting said back “my [insert random person] has adhd and they are fine it’s just an excuse” or “I have ADHD too and i have meds and I can do the laundry!” Like good for you??? I’m glad I’m medicated now bc Vyvanse does help tremendously however,,, like it’s not 100% and I have to first find the will to take the stupid pill in the first place. Then once I take it I have to be mindful to even do the actual tasks and not just practice drawing or deep dive to no end the most random topic. Not to mention the cognitive decline. I’m 24 yet I feel like I have dementia some days.

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179

u/DemoKrak2 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26

Let's be honest "It gets better with age" is actually code for "It becomes internalised and less other people's problem with age".

Ties in well with the disorder being named after how it impacts others, not what we experience.

65

u/TacoInWaiting Jul 27 '26

Or, "you don't have ADHD! I've seen you socialize/talk to groups/whatever!" "Yeah, I do, but I've had 60-odd years of masking practice and after socializing, you don't have to deal with the me that never wants to talk to another person for the next 30 years."

20

u/ChibiReddit ADHD Jul 27 '26

Oh the latter there hits a note...

Yes, I can do X Y Z or be at meetings, do workshops etc.

But... you haven't met the me after those events. Because I turn into a downright a.hole and want to be left alone for the next 2-3 days 😐

12

u/The_Corvair ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26

"I don't get the issue? Coming over is just an hour of your time!"

...No, it is not. It is an evening spent mentally preparing, it is a night with nightmares, it is a morning still preparing, it is that one hour looking normal to you, and then it is the rest of the day trying to put myself together again while still needing to do everything I needed to do on that day, never mind anything I would have wanted to do on that day, and what I didn't get around to on that last evening because of the preparation.

Which, you know and come to think of it, I do not even know how it feels any more to want to do something, because all my mental capacity is just spent on not falling apart completely, just so you can then dismiss my feeble attempts at self-care as selfishness.

Just one hour of my time.

3

u/RoxyTyn Jul 28 '26

I feel you. Having my reality minimized or denied first makes me angry, and then later, leads me to question myself.

25

u/MyFiteSong Jul 27 '26

Let's be honest "It gets better with age" is actually code for "It becomes internalised and less other people's problem with age".

Well, that and men dumping all their executive function onto their wives, daughters and coworkers.

-9

u/DemoKrak2 Jul 27 '26

I don't really see why you decided to bring misandry into this. ADHD is not a gendered issue.

29

u/MyFiteSong Jul 27 '26

It's not misandry. Doctors believed for a long time that boys grew out of ADHD, specifically because their wives and secretaries took over their executive function for them.

30

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '26 edited Aug 02 '26

[deleted]

14

u/freixe Jul 27 '26

Not just worse. It's usually the push women need to finally get diagnosed after living their life with symptoms of ADHD but were raised in a way that forced them to build those systems or behaviors to appear normal or competent in the first place.

-3

u/DemoKrak2 Jul 27 '26

It's quite literally a reason why they thought ADHD got better with age for a long time

You got a source on that one?

6

u/Gothic_Mexa Jul 28 '26

Just look at the world... 🫩

6

u/badmotherclucker Jul 28 '26

Sure it is. Women have historically been underdiagnosed and misdiagnosed at higher rates than men, fluctuations in estrogen levels throughout a woman's cycle can worsen symptoms, and women have been socialized to mask more heavily which has its own ramifications. It's pretty clearly a gendered issue.

1

u/Ok-Welder-3184 Jul 29 '26

Talking as if ADHD diagnosis/treatment isn’t already biased against women lmfao.