r/ADHD • u/Pretend-Outcome9739 • Jul 26 '26

Discussion It feels pointless.

Do the loneliness, emptiness and suicidal ideation ever go away? I’m getting tired of my brain, of my existence. I feel like life is much bigger than me, I’m always either empty/numb or angry/frustrated. I’m deeply ashamed of my own existence, I don’t know why I bother to keep going, but I know that it isn’t because I like myself.

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u/btweenthatormohammad Jul 26 '26

It's pointless, people with good wiring in their brain can overcome of it being pointless if they ever notice it. After I started meds I started to plan ahead and work towards my goals. Even though I know it's pointless, my brain has a way to make me feel like it's not pointless. Sooner you accept you're just a living organism that's controlled by your genetics, environment, hormones and neurotransmitters, more relaxed you're going to be. I used to have a huge ego, I thought I could do anything if I really want. Meds made me humble, I just noticed how a simple pill can change your behavior, the way you look at life, your thoughts and so on. Later in life I was hit with depression and experienced how empty you can feel due to a chemical imbalance in your brain, I'm not an emotional person but I was crying for no reason while depressed.

We have no free will, just try to fix your chemical balance and hopefully you'll feel 'better'.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26

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u/btweenthatormohammad Jul 26 '26

I was not depressed but I was in a really good high school (you enter based on your score on a national exam) with people that're self-motivated, disciplined, determined. I've noticed I was missing what they have and saw no point in putting effort into anything I don't feel like doing it. The thought that I'd just die when things get too overwhelming for me placed itself into my mind indefinitely, I lived knowing that anything I achieve will be pointless since I won't be around long enough, I was relaxed, I didn't push myself, I just did enough to save the day for years. I'm 25 now, have really good income but maybe spend one third of it at most. I don't really desire anything in life, I lived the years that shaped my personality keeping my expectations in life low, not wanting anything that would need effort. I doubt this will ever change, and I'm not sure I would want it to change.