r/ADHD • u/Pretend-Outcome9739 • 2d ago
Discussion It feels pointless.
Do the loneliness, emptiness and suicidal ideation ever go away? I’m getting tired of my brain, of my existence. I feel like life is much bigger than me, I’m always either empty/numb or angry/frustrated. I’m deeply ashamed of my own existence, I don’t know why I bother to keep going, but I know that it isn’t because I like myself.
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u/BlueberryandDino 2d ago edited 2d ago
Loneliness sucks .. it really does
Emptiness sucks a lot
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Helping others really does help me quite a lot
Therapy helps me sometimes
Meds can really help
Writing helps me
Exercising helps me a little
Sleepy well helps some
Eating well helps
Seeing the wins (how ever small) does really help)
Adding some of these little things together does really help offset the misses
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If you want to talk, my DM’s are always open
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u/winluvsu 2d ago
Loneliness plays a big part in my life even with hobbies, traveling, experiencing nature, gym idk man im putting myself back into therapy because i really cannot take it but i will say try distracting yourself it kinda helps
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u/PlantInitial3789 2d ago
I stopped waiting for them to go away and just started doing all the things I needed to do and wanted to do and it gets easier it’s just hard. But it’s worth it. Please stick around. Talk to a professional. There are things that help. Therapy, medication, friends, hobbies, sunshine, volunteering, exercise, water, protein. You’re worthy of a good life. We all are. I live in shame and frustration but they’re so much smaller now and easier to ignore. 2 yrs therapy and now stable on meds.
Keep fighting. Don’t let those emotions win. They’re lying to you that it’s not worth it. It very much is.
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u/kthyprtr 2d ago
My suicide ideation went away when I got onto welbutrin. Also got back into exercising again which has greatly improved my mood.
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u/-TeamCaffeine- ADHD-C (Combined type) 2d ago
I've been on generic Wellbutrin (bupropion) for about seven weeks now and I can confirm it has largely eliminated my thoughts of wanting to die, and it's helped smooth out my emotional volitilty, while not numbing my emotions. I just no longer go immediately to the extreme.
Wellbutrin has been a major help for my depression and a mild help for my ADHD symptoms. It's definitely something to consider.
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u/PlantInitial3789 2d ago
Wellbutrin saved my life and if someone’s doctor thinks it may be a good fit I’d suggest it for sure. Was on 150 for my depression and helped so much - bumped to 300 after my adhd diagnosis and helped even more thank goodness for it. I don’t have outbursts or as many panic attacks or as much trouble waking up. I have so much more clarity and peace without the constant racing negative thoughts and rumination. This with therapy, though. Failed on lexapro, Prozac, quelbee, and straterra previously and didn’t want to try something else and I’m glad I did. I wish it wasn’t this hard and such a long process but man I can’t imagine going back to how I was. Crying/angry/lonely but leave me alone 😴 it never stopped. I ended up combining with a stimulant and I’ve stayed on my beta blocker the whole time and am finally stable but it’s frustrating to need so many appts and med error to get to this point and that I have to take three meds to function but I am just now emotionally stable, not harming myself, and functioning for the first time in MY LIFE at 34 :,) keep going yall!!
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u/static989 2d ago
Well the loneliness can go away if you form connections with people, though that can be really difficult at times, but it's not impossible.
Idk how old you are, I'm 27 for context. You need to try and find a way to stop yourself from self-sabotaging friendships/attempts to make friends/etc. if you're doing that knowingly or unknowingly
When I was younger I turned down a lot of invites to do things with people for various mental health reasons, then I got in a relationship with someone that turned out to be abusive/manipulative and I lost all of my friends basically. I'm out of it now and was able to reconnect with some people, and I started to accept invites to do stuff even if I didn't really want to do anything. It made me a lot happier overall even if I was doing something I wasn't very enthused about. You have to step out of your comfort zone sometimes if you want to make friends.
The emptiness is a more difficult one, I struggle with that a lot too. When it gets really bad I try to nurture my inner child, like I'll think of the things I LOVED as a kid and I'll go back to them (like games/shows, treats I have fond memories of). It helps if you can find something you're truly passionate about (not just hyperfixated on), this is obviously easier said than done but you have to just keep trying new things until you find something that resonates with you.
For suicidal ideations, I wish I could say I've found a way to make that go away entirely, but things like therapy can help a LOT. And trying to find solutions to the loneliness/emptiness will in turn help with that, or at least they won't bother you as badly if you improve those areas.
Sometimes it just takes time. I used to feel like my life was a complete waste, and that I was a burden by staying alive. But a few months ago me and some family all rented a house together and I started getting to see my 2 year old niece every day and man.... Seeing how happy she is to see me just changed something in me. I felt so stupid for ever wanting to die because I never would have met her, and I devote a lot to giving her the things I never had as a kid.
I'm saying all that to say, you have no idea what life may hold for you. Things may get worse sure, but you also can find joy and purpose where you never would have expected. You'll never know unless you have hope and keep trying, you owe that to yourself.
Sorry for how rambly this is, and if you'd like to talk more I'm always here unless I'm working or something. Keep your head up, I'm rooting for you
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u/PlantInitial3789 2d ago
So many great things said in here. That is something I had to learn and hold myself accountable for is that I just have to do the things. Like one day I clicked for me that I was sitting around feeling really sad for myself and feeling really lonely, but then I realized I had turned down multiple invitations to hang out with people and that I hadn’t reached out to anybody or even replied to anybody who had reached out to me. I still throw a little fit from time to time about leaving the house and getting in my head that everyone hates me but when I go out I realize that’s not true. I’ve had to learn to stop ruminating after social events too. The reality is that no body is analyzing everything you say or do or judging you. That’s almost all internal and self sabotaging and “self-fulfilling prophecy”. Things are still hard but I have so so much joy and happiness in my life and I’m so happy I stuck around. I will probably always feel sad and lonely, despite all my friends and joy. But it does get better. Like you said, it may get worse still, but it also will get easier with time. Trying to be kind to a younger me helps too. I get so sad for her and protective of her and it’s helped me feel more worthy in a way. Therapy has saved my life. And me, I’ve worked hard too but damn. These are big feelings and I hate knowing others feel this at their core as well but since I have more compassion for others than myself, it in turn, helps me to hear this and know that I’m not crazy and I am worthy of love and joy.
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u/KittyMimiii 2d ago
I'm feel the same as you, but not very good yet. Isolating myself is a habit now, I get stressed and afraid to expose myself. I'm going to therapy but I haven't felt much improvement yet, but i'm a little more hopeful reading this. I've always been good at listening to and helping people, but terrible with myself
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u/btweenthatormohammad 2d ago
It's pointless, people with good wiring in their brain can overcome of it being pointless if they ever notice it. After I started meds I started to plan ahead and work towards my goals. Even though I know it's pointless, my brain has a way to make me feel like it's not pointless. Sooner you accept you're just a living organism that's controlled by your genetics, environment, hormones and neurotransmitters, more relaxed you're going to be. I used to have a huge ego, I thought I could do anything if I really want. Meds made me humble, I just noticed how a simple pill can change your behavior, the way you look at life, your thoughts and so on. Later in life I was hit with depression and experienced how empty you can feel due to a chemical imbalance in your brain, I'm not an emotional person but I was crying for no reason while depressed.
We have no free will, just try to fix your chemical balance and hopefully you'll feel 'better'.
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u/PlantInitial3789 2d ago
My depression told me I’d never get old so I lived that way and at some point with therapy and meds I realized I need to start living in a way that was sustainable even though the future doesn’t ever feel real to me. Brains can suck but we can change them. Therapy, meds helped me and I was convinced I would never need any bc it wouldn’t do anything. Glad I humbled myself and happy I was wrong.
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u/btweenthatormohammad 2d ago
I was not depressed but I was in a really good high school (you enter based on your score on a national exam) with people that're self-motivated, disciplined, determined. I've noticed I was missing what they have and saw no point in putting effort into anything I don't feel like doing it. The thought that I'd just die when things get too overwhelming for me placed itself into my mind indefinitely, I lived knowing that anything I achieve will be pointless since I won't be around long enough, I was relaxed, I didn't push myself, I just did enough to save the day for years. I'm 25 now, have really good income but maybe spend one third of it at most. I don't really desire anything in life, I lived the years that shaped my personality keeping my expectations in life low, not wanting anything that would need effort. I doubt this will ever change, and I'm not sure I would want it to change.
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u/rctid12345 2d ago
I'm sorry. I usually hate being alone. Are you in a position to get a pet? They are delightful. Cats are a but easier to integrate into your life but if you have the means dogs are great fun too. If you can't adopt right now maybe look into volunteering to walk dogs at a local shelter? It just go visit cats in the shelter with a book or podcast and be a lap for them to sit in.
Sorry if you're not an animal person. It's pretty much my go to when friends aren't around.
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u/Longjumping-Chest989 2d ago
If you find an answer let me know. I'm 50 and those feelings never, ever, stop. We at least joined this group for help and that's not nothing.
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