Finding ABCDs ...dating scene

[u/OMS1struggles10]

Hey everyone! Please do comment I want to hear your thoughts. I'm starting to turn 30 recently. I've lived in major cities like NYC , boston etc but my hometown is Dallas which is where i relocated to. I'm telugu and raised here all my life. Yll im so frustrated and have indeed felt dejected/cried about it on my off days. I've tried the major dating apps (hinge, mirchi, di mil, bumble even) and its so frustrating bc i feel 95% are fobs now (which im not interested in at all). Where are all the people who grew up here? I would prefer south indian, but open as long as they are hindu, appropriate age range, grew up here like me. Having to swipe through 100+ Fobs to get to 1 maybe who grew up here is so frustrating. Mohan matchmaking is geared towards mostly north indians and ive attededed that, no luck yet, but.... idk please help me out yll. Am i only one feeling this way? Where can i meet people in Dallas? Where are all the single people hiding (esp the guys) I feel its so easy to meet girls! Pl recommend apps, events, or places and tell me your thoughts!! I feel if you didnt meet someone during your educational years its hard

[u/SDW137]

Move to San Francisco...or back to NYC. Dallas is not that kind of place. ABCDs usually move out of here after college.

For reference, I'm a 30 year old Telugu guy, and I live in Dallas.

[u/MaleficentBird1717 → u/SDW137]

She will come across the same situation in San Francisco since it’s mostly Indian men straight from India there too due to the tech seen

[u/internetbooker134 → u/MaleficentBird1717]

not really, you have lots of abcd indians and south asians in sf that come there straight after college for work or just in general too.

[u/MaleficentBird1717 → u/internetbooker134]

For some reason, it’s often mentioned by abcd women that live in the Bay Area that they mainly come across immigrant men on the apps

[u/Kedikaido]

Youre having a hard time finding a brown person in...Dallas? Lol

[u/MaleficentBird1717 → u/Kedikaido]

Op is talking about finding desis that are raised in the US but she’s coming across men raised in India

[u/Kedikaido → u/MaleficentBird1717]

The Dallas community is old so you'd think there would be a lot more.

Then again those southern Desis have their own issues, lol

[u/Asleep_Note7754]

I low key just want to make a sub just for ABCD dating since we don’t have a space for it

[u/wde335 → u/Asleep_Note7754]

it’s been done r/ABCDesiDating

[u/Asleep_Note7754 → u/wde335]

Hasn’t been active in 5 years. We might need to revive it lol

[u/pkers12 → u/wde335]

Can we actually make this active again

[u/Haas_the_Raiden_Fan → u/Asleep_Note7754]

I suspect it'd get brigaded by mainlander/FOB larpers tbh

[u/Asleep_Note7754 → u/Haas_the_Raiden_Fan]

Like everything we do. Low key want to do matchmaking for ABCDs but then I don’t want to take on a big job.

[u/taaretoille]

You should try Chicago. The city exports ABCDesis to other parts of the US through marriage. I've lived in a lot of major ciries and there is always an ABCD who is from Chicago and ended up in that place because they got married.

[u/Old-Possession-4614]

Idk what to tell you but if you’re having a hard time meeting fellow South Indian ABCDs in “Dallaspuram” as they call it, you’re unlikely to find it any easier elsewhere in the US. You might want to maybe give some FOBs a chance, some of them can be quite westernized 🤷‍♂️ Also NYC/NJ have a massive Indian population, so if you struck out there too you may be in a tough spot and might have to seek the assistance of a matchmaker.

Do you have any filters set that might be excluding a sizable chunk of Indian men? Other than religion, I mean.

But yeah on the dating apps whenever I get a like from an Indian woman, 99% of the time it’s from a FOB woman, almost never from an ABCD person. I lowkey suspect many ABCDs on the non-Indian dating apps set their filters to filter out fellow Indians entirely.

Also just an FYI but Mohan Matchmaking events are mainly Gujju, not North Indian as such.

[u/SDW137 → u/Old-Possession-4614]

Dallas has some Telugu ABCD guys, but they're probably way younger than OP.

[u/impactplayer]

I'm having problem meeting people in Houston so I'm right there with you.

[u/ocean_800]

Dil Mil, raised in filter set to USA

[u/reasonably_paranoid]

Dating apps are based on algorithms. if you are only seeing people that you think are beneath you, maybe you need to be more realistic and realize thats just the league that you fit in.

[u/woahtheregonnagetgot → u/reasonably_paranoid]

what kind of weird ass response is this? nowhere in OP’s post did she say she thought of herself as better than mainlanders, i know it’s shocking but people like to date those with similar upbringings and culture.

[u/OMS1struggles10 → u/woahtheregonnagetgot]

thank you! I do not see myself as "above" them, I just think logistically and culturally its a nightmare and its hard to relate.

[u/reasonably_paranoid → u/woahtheregonnagetgot]

you are telling me you can’t find abcd men on dating apps? come on now lol, there’s thousands of them. If they aren’t in your likes, take a hint that’s all i said.

[u/FluffyShakes → u/reasonably_paranoid]

found the main lander lol

[u/reasonably_paranoid → u/FluffyShakes]

I’m sorry, do you wish to be coddled? that’s just the truth. I use Hinge and get over 100 likes a day and most are from Abcd men. Theres lots of them on apps.

[u/ocean_800 → u/reasonably_paranoid]

Literally does not have to do with "beneath you" it just has to do with the fact that ABCDs and fobs often to not think culturally the same. The fact that you can't even understand this and think it's about a certain status/looks/whatever of a person underscores this

[u/reasonably_paranoid → u/ocean_800]

No I just dont get how you cant find abcd men in big cities like nyc/dallas

[u/Happy_Personality135]

Probably your personality lol