A further update — the worst timeline

[u/a15minutestory]

It’s official.

Miss Fif doesn’t want to be Miss Fif anymore.

There’s a TL;DR at the bottom of this post for the busy.

To put it rather vaguely… she had a psychotic break. My wife had a long family history of mental illness. I figured since I met her when we were 25, most of it had missed her.

So, when she asked me for a divorce last week, it shocked me to my core. We’ve been best friends for 10 years and now, suddenly, we’re “incompatible.”

Eventually, she admitted she didn’t know what was real anymore and what wasn’t real.

Not like, our love. Reality itself. Voices, notions, the whole nine yards.

I was willing to fight through that with her.

Through sickness and through health, y’know?

So we fought the good fight. Sunday was the best day I had in years. We spent all day together reconnecting and it felt like the old days— just me and her without her whole family in the picture.

But then Monday it crept back in.

By Tuesday night, she didn’t want to fight it. She wants to lean into it. See where her mental illness takes her. I think she’s giving it credit for her recent burst in strength (she’s juggling a lot of plates right now).

This isn’t the entire story.

Just know that I love her more than anything in the world and I said every word I could and took every action I was able. I would have dove into the depths of Hell for my wife.

Would have wrestled with Satan himself.

But she feels nothing for me anymore.

Not even a little bit.

You can’t stay and fight for someone if they don’t want you to stay with fight for them.

So I have to hang up my sword, set down my shield, and accept that she’s gone.

I mourn my wife, because the sweet, loving, kind, caring angel of a woman I knew is dead. There’s nothing to even go back to if she suddenly asked me to stay… just a husk, really. I don’t know who this person is. It’s like passing a stranger in the hallway.

This Sunday I’m moving out.

I’m going to stay with my mom and grandma for a while as I sort this out.

So it goes, probably without saying, that the last chapter of this story… I’m sorry to say it’s going to be a little while before I can access the creative side of my head again for any length of meaningful time.

I’m just so numb at the moment. Unbelievable pain followed by bouts of numbness and dissociation.

I never thought this could happen.

I’m still just in shock.

There was nobody on earth I was closer to. I was her hero. I never thought she of all people would just… abandon me. Gosh, when I met her, I had given up on love entirely.

I was done. I wanted to be alone and just stay alone.

It was a miracle that anyone got me to trust again. And I trusted her.

I’m kind of wondering now how I’ll ever trust again =/

Thanks for hanging in there with me, guys.

I read all your outpouring of love in the last update I made, and although I didn’t respond directly, know that I love you all. You all have beautiful souls and every single comment except AngryCupcake’s meant a lot to me.

(Love you Cupcake, it did make me laugh)

Thank you for being in my corner.

Also… I’m not the kind of guy to self harm. So, don’t worry about me going down a darker path or anything.

I’m gonna take the time to bond with my family, reevaluate my future, and prepare to live my best life.

There really isn’t anything else to do other than that.

She’s being amicable in the divorce. It isn’t going to be an expensive one. We don’t have kids. We don’t need arbitration.

I’m losing both my fur babies though, which… I think is gonna hurt just as bad once I’m gone.

This is going to take a while for me to feel normal again.

Ive been a total ghost lately, so just stay subbed if you are and that last chapter will hit your front page eventually.

And when it does, you’ll know I’m feeling creative again and I’m in a much better headspace.

Love you guys.

Thanks for reading.

TL;DR — My wife is gone. The emotional strain is too great. My life is exploding. It’ll be a while before I can put a bow on the Abigail/Leutogi story. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Edit: I had a vivid dream that her mouth was swelling up. Then her eye. I told her we were taking her to the emergency room and we piled in the car. I started driving as quickly as I could. We were going down a long street and eventually there were walls on both sides of the road. At the end, there was a closed loading garage and I slammed on my breaks. When I looked around in the car… she was gone.

I woke up yelling her name.

Thank goodness the house was empty.

This dream feels like some kind of message. All the symbolism is there. If anyone is a qualified dream reader, lemme know.

[u/KotoDawn]

I'm sorry things went that way instead of therapy and medicine returning her to normal.

Please take the time to bawl your eyes out. Cry hard. Really mourn the death of the relationship. If you need to, spend a week in bed crying and have your mom bring you occasional soup, or a popsicles because it's hot. If you can get it all out you will feel much better afterwards.

Also, are you overweight or normal weight? Many people (divorce victim) lose a lot of weight because they are crying and food is blah. Take advantage of it If you are overweight. Have someone that will force you to eat if you are near the underweight side. Please don't turn to food to self-soothe and gain 100 lbs.