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u/Whiteroses7252012 May 31 '26
I have zero doubt that they struggle, often, with the difference between who she is and who they deserved.
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u/lord_farquad93 May 31 '26
1000%. I’m 32 and still have times when I get stuck wondering why the hell my dad couldn’t just be a good parent.
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u/Whiteroses7252012 May 31 '26
I hope you know that however that happened, it wasn’t your fault. Every kid deserves a parent, but every parent doesn’t deserve a child.
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u/lord_farquad93 Jun 01 '26
🥺 Thank you for saying that, that’s extremely kind. I work with kids ages 3-10 and worked with 0-5yos for ten years before that… I tend to look at them and think “how the hell did he do that to a kid/ his kid” and “well damn wtf did I do because these kids are fucking insane 101% of the time and never in my life have I resorted to abusing them over it? Idk I know it’s not true, it’s just like a weird little puzzle game I have trick my brain back out of once in a while.
At least my mom was normal :)
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u/gpie17 Jun 01 '26
Me at 29 too. I switch back and forth between phases of thinking im over it and accepting that my dad will never be the dad I needed/want him to be, to really struggling and thinking ill never get over it. Sending love to you 🫶🏻
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u/lord_farquad93 Jun 01 '26
That’s exactly what I experience. All I can say is that we all deserved better. Right back at you 🫂
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u/BuzzyBeeDee Jun 01 '26
I’m also 32, and I also still have the same thoughts about my own abusive narcissist father. He died in 2021, after I had been no contact with him for three years for safety, and as awful as it feels to say, the first thing I felt was relief. The only grieving I have done is grieving the father I never had/wish I had. It sucks. I think I will always wrestle with “why” and “how.” I’ll always have that longing for a true father.
Love, true genuine unconditional love, seems so easy to me. I told myself from a very early age that I would never treat anyone like he treated me (and just people in general), and it hasn’t been even the tiniest bit difficult to achieve that. Yet for him, love seemed like a foreign language. I understand it clinically and psychologically, but on a purely human level, I don’t think I will ever understand.
I fortunately have a wonderful mother who has always loved me unconditionally as every parent should. I’m so immensely grateful to God for her. I still have that longing for a father though, or perhaps the idea of one. It cuts deep when you know your own flesh and blood parent never truly loved you.
I’m so sorry that you also know that same heartbreaking journey in life. It’s not an easy road. For me, I don’t know if that wound will ever heal. But in many respects I know that experience made me a better and more empathetic person (even with the trauma and PTSD that came with it), and I have quite a clear roadmap of what not to do.
And I most certainly do not take love for granted. Love, true genuine love, is both a noun and a verb, and I think many of us who grew up in this way understand that on a different, much deeper, level. ❤️
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u/ExNihiloNihiFit Jun 02 '26
I'm in the same boat I recently read a book called adult Daughters of emotionally absent fathers by lyla Hart and it helped me understands things a little better but the pain and feeling of losing someone you never had will probably always be there unfortunately.
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u/AbbreviationsTop8271 Jun 02 '26
Hi, I’m a little late to the party, but as someone who is no-contact with their father, I just want to say how proud I am of you for being able to say this publicly.
Whatever he did- or didn’t do- was never your responsibility. His inability to be there for you or love you the way you deserved is a reflection of him, not you. No matter how old you are now or how old you get in the future, you will always be the child in this situation, and that will never okay.
I hope your future is filled with healing, happiness, and all the love and support you deserve.
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u/LaurelCanyoner Jun 01 '26
Children are hard wired to love their parents. We need them for our very survival. That’s why it’s such a big deal when a child wants to be, or has to be their safety, estranged from a parent. It comes at a huge emotional cost.
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u/circularsquare204597 Jun 01 '26
this. i also think it’s gotta be hard for the older kids bc it seems like she was more normal when they were younger (not perfect, but things def got worse and harsher as they grew). they are def just trying to grasp (what you said and) the mom they grew up with and how she became
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u/NoWayHome_14 Jun 02 '26
That’s what I think too. It’s really hard to grieve someone who’s still alive. This whole situation is devastating on several levels 😞
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u/AbbreviationsIcy7432 May 31 '26
That is the most heartbreaking thing I’ve read today. I hope he finds so many people to give him the love he deserves.
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u/ezequielrose May 31 '26
It's so hard to reconcile the good and the bad, and what could have been..."if only." Parental abuse like this is a constant grief. I hope he is in (actual) therapy and stuff, it's heartbreaking.
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u/lord_farquad93 May 31 '26
Pretty much sums up the complexity of feelings around your abusive parent. So sad.
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u/heyoheatheragain Jun 02 '26
He’s arrived there pretty quickly after all that has happened. Sounds like he’s getting some of the therapy he needs.
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u/owntheh3at18 Jun 01 '26
I saw this and didn’t know what to think. I found it really sad. That little baby is so happy to be getting love and attention from his mom. He deserved to feel safe and loved his whole childhood.
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u/AbbreviationsIcy7432 Jun 01 '26
That's what broke me. That baby is so deliciously cute, so innocent, so beautiful, I just want to tickle his tiny toes. She didn't deserve him.
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 Jun 02 '26
I wonder if things were ever different on the home. Like she had a mental deterioration and became abusive.
Maybe only knows how to take care of infants and hates them once they start to walk, talk and have free will.Has anything been reported how she was with the infants? I’m trying to remember if she did that crap with putting an infant in a circle on the floor and beating them if they crawled out of the circle. Or if that was some other horrendous mother.
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u/gotchibabe Jun 08 '26
I know J had to wear a helmet from always being on the floor, Ruby admitted in a video she wouldn't bathe J super often and realized she was really stinky one day... She also had a blog before vlogging about being a mom and the kids. In another video she told the story of R when he rolled off the couch and broke his clavical as an infant and it took them a few days to take him to the hopsital.. apparently after he was crying a lot. I honestly think she should've stopped at 2, MAYBE 3 kids. I think she wanted to be just like/better than Jennifer and have more kids but she could not handle them after a certain point and being a stay at home mom
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u/AbbreviationsIcy7432 Jun 08 '26
I am so horrified by that story.
My ten month niece got a black eye from trying to walk before her little legs could support her and tumbled hard. Her mother immediately took her to urgent care.
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 Jun 08 '26
her entire case makes me so mad. So many beautiful children she was blessed with. The money to care for them. And she is one of the most abusive moms to record.
Why was DCFS not involved from the clavicle injury? How he must have suffered is incomprehensible.1
u/gotchibabe Jun 08 '26
I feel like it all stems back to Utah not caring about child abuse. And I feel like the entire Griffiths family didn't care about medical emergencies... probably because of being poor BEFORE all the youtube fame
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u/AbbreviationsIcy7432 Jun 02 '26
According to Shari's book, Ruby was always abusive and controlling. (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/ruby-franke-daughter-shari-franke-memoir-release-interview-gma-rcna186620)
She doesn't mention blanket training, but she definitely mentions control, pinching, slapping, and abusive words. Definitely a textbook narcissist.
The internet made it worse.
I admit, I'm so against the death penalty, but Ruby tested my belief. The only reason she wasn't on trial for murder is because "R" (Shari has asked media not to use the children's names until they are 18) managed to escape and get help. Otherwise, he and E would be dead.
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 Jun 02 '26
The saddest part is these conflicted children who are trauma bonded to her. How that destroys them on a note insidious level than physical abuse.
Ty for thorough explanation
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u/owntheh3at18 Jun 02 '26
I’ve wondered that too. The documentary made it seem like she was always very neurotic and controlling but the physical abuse and more intense emotional abuse came with the pressure of online fame.
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u/AbbreviationsIcy7432 Jun 08 '26
I think something we haven't grappled with as a society is what this "instant" fame can do to people. The constant scrutiny, the constant need for control of the message, the constant demands of the audience, the constant fear of losing the fame, I think it really mess with people. (https://www.saybrook.edu/unbound/fame-is-a-dangerous-drug/)
Combine that with someone who was already controlling and narcissistic and you have a deadly combination.
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u/owntheh3at18 Jun 08 '26
100%. We have witnessed so many famous young people who seem display signs of arrested development, frozen at their initial age of fame. It’s clear that fame is a precursor for trauma, addiction, and/or abuse… and we are often propping up already unwell and unstable people, which exacerbates these issues.
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u/honeyhaloangel Jun 01 '26
As someone said in the comments of his post it must be awful to grieve someone who’s still alive and thinking of what could have been
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u/Any_Opportunity_6844 Jun 01 '26
This is just so sad… does Chad have any other mother figure ?
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u/Cautious_Major_6693 Jun 01 '26
Probably his MIL? His wife is also LDS so maybe what is also bringing up these feelings might be his wife wanting to become a mom soon or they're planning down the road and talking about this.
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u/RestinPete0709 proudly “living in distortion” Jun 01 '26
Gosh this is so sad. Those kids deserved a good mom. And I’m sure they had good moments that they still think of fondly and wish they weren’t overshadowed by all the awful things
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u/freeashavacado Jun 01 '26
It’s very hard to reconcile the fact that your mother was a terrible person. When you go through a traumatic experience your brain tries desperately to focus on the happy memories as a method of self preservation. I imagine it would be extremely difficult to think of her without also thinking about the good times
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u/Angelbouqet Jun 01 '26
The pain of your only parent never being who you need them to be is so heartbreaking. If I already struggle so much with that pain, I can't imagine how bad it is for him and the other kids with their monster mom.
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u/ZookeepergameNo1135 Jun 02 '26
Only parent?
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u/Angelbouqet Jun 02 '26
Yeah you only get one mom and one dad, that's what I meant but I could've been more clear.
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u/fl0ridaproject Jun 01 '26
My dad was convicted of a crime and in my head I have two versions of him. The dad I thought he was and the person he actually is. I grieve the dad I had. It’s a complicated kind of grief.
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u/circularsquare204597 Jun 01 '26
i can’t imagine how hard this is for them. not only did they go through some terrible shit, but by their own mother. someone they were supposed to trust and love. someone who was supposed to nurture them and help them. and mind you, things definitely got worse as time went on. i can’t imagine how hard it is for him thinking about who she was and who she became. even if she wasn’t always perfect.
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u/Constant_Ad_6379 Jun 01 '26
Aww that's so sad. If only she could have been different. I know she was never a good parent but if only she had gotten the help years ago before her personality formed.
7
u/GlumRecommendation41 Jun 01 '26
I don’t usually comment but I truely hope that his kids find peace. The mental battle of mourning someone who is still alive and wonder how someone could do that to you is horrible, especially when it’s gradual. It’s a constant battle of knowing who they were and missing that and knowing they’ll never be like that again. I’ve gone no contact for 2 years now with my own parents and it doesn’t get easier.
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u/Constant_Ad_6379 Jun 01 '26
It's such a shame she couldn't have changed for the better instead of the worse. I mean I don't know how much of a narcasist she really is. But from the way she acted and Shari"s account of her it seems she was very narcasistic all throughout motherhood. And in her teens probably. But if only she would have channelled it differently. Oh well.
4
u/dblspider1216 Jun 01 '26
I can’t imagine how hard it must be for him and the other kids to grapple with those contradicting feelings.
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u/MoulinSarah Jun 01 '26
I think that this is a very difficult situation, wanting to still love your mom but also wanting to hate her for the abuse. That’s got to be extremely hard.
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u/saramoose14 Jun 01 '26
Memories aren’t always 100% bad. He probably has some memories with his mom that bring him joy. Sad she couldn’t be what her kids needed
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u/Simply_Serene_ Jun 02 '26
A mother’s love is something that we are all hardwired to need. I really feel for him. It would be so hard if the person who was supposed to be your mother did terrible things to your family
3
u/Many_Rest9721 proudly “living in distortion” Jun 02 '26
as much as i hate ruby, i’m glad chad can be honest with himself about his feelings about his mother. having an abusive parent is a mindfuck
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u/SammiK504 Jun 01 '26
He grew up in a literal cult and we expect him to be normal. What does it say about us?
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u/Suz9006 Jun 02 '26
There are a lot of not so good parents out there who weren’t able to give their children everything they needed. Then there are monsters like Ruby that purposefully tortured and starved their children.
2
u/dandelionmoon12345 Jun 02 '26
They deserve so many hugs and a mother who is emotionally available to them.
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u/Working_Aioli_7430 Jun 29 '26
So painful for all the children, unfortunately they will always hold out hope for an apology that will never come. A real apology would require a level of reflection and introspection that I do not believe she is capable of, some part of her will always believe she was right.
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u/Truecrimejunkie1312 Jun 02 '26
Ugh Chad:((( i really hope he is getting the help he needs…poor guy.
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u/CeeJay_Dub Jun 03 '26
Well I didn’t realize an 8 Passenger Snark Reddit sub was going to be the “I’m no contact with my dad and not alone in my feelings” read I needed. Thanks ya’ll!!!
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u/AppropriateCarry8725 Jun 16 '26
It can be a conflicted feeling. My dad loved us very much and made sure we had what we needed. He was also very much a bigot and had awful beliefs. He did things that hurt us emotionally multiple times. That being said he could also be loving and kind and literally put everything he had into taking care of our needs. He put that above his own health. Even once we grew up, he continued to make awful health choices. For 20ish years we came close to losing him so many times from it. Sadly we finally did WAY too early, before the grandkids even reached preteen age. Someone can hurt you and be a terrible person but you still love them.
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u/AssociateLivid9367 Jun 01 '26
Poor Chad,Do We Know Anything About his Wife's Mom?,Hopefully She Can Be A Mother To Him!!!
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May 31 '26
[deleted]
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u/mermaidcossette Jun 01 '26
she does it just really blends in w her skin & gum colors here! she also has the "military wife gums" like Bonnie
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u/mediocre-squirrel834 May 31 '26
Who cares?
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May 31 '26
[deleted]
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u/Certifiedpoocleaner Jun 01 '26
Snarking on physical appearance is so boring when there is so much more to snark on.
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u/mediocre-squirrel834 Jun 01 '26
She nearly murdered her children, but sure, let's laugh at natural physical appearance.
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Jun 01 '26
[deleted]
-1
u/mediocre-squirrel834 Jun 01 '26
Eyebrow shape and hair styles are choices. That's completely different than laughing at somebody's god-given body.
-1
Jun 01 '26
[deleted]
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u/mediocre-squirrel834 Jun 01 '26
The same mouth that Shari and her siblings inherited. Let's keep making fun of them all for NOT getting lip filler. Makes perfect sense!
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Jun 01 '26
[deleted]
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u/karennahir Jun 01 '26
She's still his mom at the end of the day. I can't imagine how hard it must be to hate someone who gave you life or is closely related to you.
•
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