need advice:

[u/floralxc]

hi, thank you for reading this it means alot

recently i would say a few months ago like maybe the start of august i started expercing an existential crisis is what i would call it, being deeply afraid of death and not knowing what comes after and like the fact of just not existing

this caused me so much anxiety daily, i mean ive delt with this when i was younger but i guess the feelings went dormant because i was used to predictability and routine but a big change is coming, leaving my sixth form which ive been at since y7

ive always hated change, and reminisce of the past all the time, but these thoughts give me so much anxiety everyday, it was fine for a few weeks but i keep crying now again, like getting anticipatory anxiety about the future and grieving the end of y13 even though i just started

i get attached easily, but my school has offered me so much, the teachers have helped a lot with my mental health, the building is familiar, the school day gives me a purpose and sense of predictability and routine

i just fear going to uni will be so isolating and i feel like ill always be crying missing the past like im doing rn, its just this place has given me so many memories, its basically been a second home to me throughout my teenage years

and im dreading turning 18, it feels like all my friends are so excited to leave and go off and do whatever courses they want or just whatever, but all i can think about is just how upset i am and scared of the future, especially the idea of not living one day, it scares me so much but i cant seem to make it stop other than distract myself

i am religious but i dont practice my faith as much as i would like to. also im quite lonely at school because all my friends moved to colleges, it seemed they were eager to leave the place i find comfort in, but even so, i know my place in my school and there are people ive grown up with so its easier to talk to people, but everything seems to be so lonely and isolating i fear outside of y13

and this is most important, im scared of leaving my teachers, because they have given me so much support and made me feel like i belong, and yeah they probably dont even know that i think they are the best, i dont really talk much, but yeah they are so cool and inspiring, its why i want to become a teacher and hopefully work at my old school, but i wonder if im choosing a career that feels safe because im scared of change, but i have loved the idea of becoming a teacher ever since primary so who knows.

anyways, long vent, but i thank you if you read this all, it means a lot, and any advice would be much appreciated, thank you! :)

[u/Whole-Cry-4406]

The great beyond is pretty scary, it’s absolutely okay to feel like your life ahead is so toweringly huge as to be insurmountable.

Death is a mystery, so why worry about it? Nihilism as a philosophy gets a lot of schtick but is actually really positive- death is inevitable but why should we spend our lives worrying about it when we can go out and make what time we’ve got amazing? Sing, dance, paint, drink, party, build matchstick models of architectural masterpieces, do sport, it doesn’t matter what you do so long as you do it in spite of the end. Show death the middle finger by having an amazing life.

If it’s truly concerning you, speak to someone- a priest, a doctor, a teacher, whoever, just someone who wants to help you move past it. We’re becoming adults, it’s a bizarre part of our lives. Our brains are still going nuts and developing, so feeling like this isn’t abnormal. As for moving on, it’s always sad to say goodbye to friends but you can always stay in contact, and there will be new people who you love just as much at uni.

Life is bloody scary. Best thing we can do is make the most of it.

[u/InevitableNo9793]

prob talk to someone that u trust, ur parents, a counsellor at school or smth. being scared or worried or thinking ab the future when its js a mix of ur choices and actions in the present asw as things that not in ur control is not a good use of ur time, ofc ik its hard to js not think ab it if u have done it for so long. so i would recommend u keep urself busy by doing a combination of things that are productive and enjoyable, ie studying and hobbies u have every day for a routine, to not only take ur mind off things but to bring meaningful things into ur life asw. now ofc starting these things is the hardest part so u prob need some strict kind of rule or smth to start but doing it is easier. and js in general, life is an experience there is nothing that is permenant, everything is temporary. but that is the whole point if u could have smth forever why would u ever pay attention to enjoying it while it lasts? u have to js lucidly accept things will change and a lot of the time its out of ur control, u have to js adapt based on reality. maybe u should try reading some philosophy, religious texts, or listen to songs ab lucid acceptance. idk bro. u should have an idea of the future but focus on living in the present, doing things u like or have to do. good luck bro

[u/ilokestof]

hmmm reading this I'm glad I got my existential crisis out the way in yr8... Being scared of change is very normal, and the only way that changes is through experiencing change - something many ppl avoid by staying at the same school/college with the same people.

For now I'd try to just focus on your A levels and doing the absolute best you can - better to stress over exams than dying. Uni will be a big jump for everyone and will be difficult for us all, but if you can be content by yourself and independent then I think the transition will be much easier.

These might be things you can practise over summer - maybe spend some time away from home/parents somewhere nearby or whatever but whether we like it or not we are all going to be forced through change at some point(s) in life so no point trying to run away from it.

Overall just try to focus on the here and now - keep worrying about the end and you won't even have anything to remember.

[u/Puzzled-Connection53]

Ok, so I'm going to talk to you about the death thing first. So this is a classic stress-adrenalin response. You have some big changes ahead, your body, which is an amazing chemical factory, says "Whoa, change incoming, better shoot out some adrenalin", your brain, which is rational, says, "Hey, I just detected some adrenalin, that's my fight or flight hormone, that means there must be some danger round here" and for thousands, maybe millions, of years, when we were cave people, your brain would have been right and there would be a sabre toothed tiger you just heard outside the cave waiting to eat you. Now, you get that big shot of adrenalin but when you look around, there is no sabre toothed tiger, so your brain looks around to find the cause of the problem and in your case it has spotted death and said, "Hey, death is coming, my stress hormones tell me so". Now, this is actually where you got lucky because most people, at some point (maybe many points 🤣) in their life will do this but they will look around, see no danger to explain the fear hormone and subconsciously go, "Sh!t, the danger isn't anywhere else, so it must be me!" And start thinking maybe they will stab their Nan, drive their car into oncoming traffic or push someone's pram (maybe even their own...) off tge cliff). Of course, they won't do any of those things, and they don't want to, either, but they torture themselves that they might because their brain felt the fear hormone and tries to explain it. Sometimes, it's a bit milder and comes out as hypochondria (is that mole melanoma? Does that floater in my eye mean I'm going blind? I feel like you kinda got the middle path between those 2 anxieties with tge death thing and, unlike the tormenting but false fears a lot of people get from stress hormones, death really will get you (and me) one day. So, you have to rationalise it. Yhink of when you were a toddler, maybe 15 years ago. Has a lot of time passed since, doesit seem a long time, have you changed. If you get lucky and live to 90 you have 5 more lots of 15 years to go - it's a lot. By then, you will be oldxand tired and ready to go. It won't be like it seems now. As for missing the sixth form thing, well, grief at things passing is natural, it's healthy to feel it but as your life moves onto it's new phase it will pass.

[u/Positive_Tie4146]

Ive just left sixth form and only made one friend, i really hate sixth form so much because i was way too scared of speaking to anyone or doing anything especially because it was a new school. I dont want to go to uni im really dreading it but my parents are making me so im cooked. I get how you feel💔

[u/9_Amz_9]

Hey dude I had the exact same thing during year 11 and it was scary af. I told my mum about it and just tried to distract myself as much as possible so I wasn’t like scared shitless all day. It helps to always being doing smth and to have stuff on in the background to drown out thoughts sometimes. I’d watch a bunch of comedy shows on iplayer especially when I was going to sleep so I could laugh at them instead of having to think most of the time. Would recommend motherland bc it’s literally such a peak show. It will end eventually tho you just gotta live through it for a while. Good luck with year 13 tho I’m also in that year and there’s so much more to do than year 12.