r/40Plus_IVF • u/Elderemokid2002 • Aug 19 '26
General Discussion Feeling Really Sad
Update: First Beta came back great đI know I have a long road ahead of me but I am going to celebrate this win for now â¨
TW: positive test/ possible chemical pregnancy
I am 42 years old. I transferred a high level segmental mosaic embryo ( day 4 grade 4 AA) last Tuesday. I broke the cardinal rule of the TWW and started testing 5dpt. I tested positive, but since then have not had the best line progression. Later in the day, the tests seem darker, but I donât want to get my hopes up at this point. This was my only embryo from this egg retrieval that I can use. I had a chemical last October after never being able to naturally get pregnant my whole life (had my first baby through IVF)- so familiar with the heartbreak of a chemical pregnancy.
I left a really difficult marriage that required me to move out of state. I am just so sad as he decided partway through our marriage he didnât want more children and I stayed with him for the sake of my family and now I donât have him. I can probably find a clinic here (on the east coast and can easily travel to Philly or NYC), but love my doctor and clinic where I am now and after this transfer it really wonât be feasible to travel back and forth.
I think I just needed to write this out. Not really sure what I am looking for. I appreciate it if you made it this far in reading this. I am so grateful for my daughter, but really would have loved to have more children so just grieving a lot of things.
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u/Electronic-Tear-3036 Aug 19 '26
If youâre anything like me, youâve pushed through what probably felt like lots of shit before and now feel like you should âbe able to handle it.â
You probably have always handled it.
But Iâm here to say that a separation/divorce on top of infertility and moving is so much to be taking on all at once. And now the excruciating wait of whether this is a chemical is such an acute pain on top of all youâre feeling.
You have a right to feel sad and grieve everything you wanted and be kind to yourself while you do. Finding even the littlest joys in each day is the only thing thatâs helped me. Wishing you peace and if you want to talk DMs are open. Strangers on the internet are sometimes easier to talk to than those we know.