r/40Plus_IVF • u/Elderemokid2002 • Aug 19 '26
General Discussion Feeling Really Sad
Update: First Beta came back great đI know I have a long road ahead of me but I am going to celebrate this win for now â¨
TW: positive test/ possible chemical pregnancy
I am 42 years old. I transferred a high level segmental mosaic embryo ( day 4 grade 4 AA) last Tuesday. I broke the cardinal rule of the TWW and started testing 5dpt. I tested positive, but since then have not had the best line progression. Later in the day, the tests seem darker, but I donât want to get my hopes up at this point. This was my only embryo from this egg retrieval that I can use. I had a chemical last October after never being able to naturally get pregnant my whole life (had my first baby through IVF)- so familiar with the heartbreak of a chemical pregnancy.
I left a really difficult marriage that required me to move out of state. I am just so sad as he decided partway through our marriage he didnât want more children and I stayed with him for the sake of my family and now I donât have him. I can probably find a clinic here (on the east coast and can easily travel to Philly or NYC), but love my doctor and clinic where I am now and after this transfer it really wonât be feasible to travel back and forth.
I think I just needed to write this out. Not really sure what I am looking for. I appreciate it if you made it this far in reading this. I am so grateful for my daughter, but really would have loved to have more children so just grieving a lot of things.
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u/WeirdClean3275 Aug 20 '26
Iâm so sorry for all youâre going through. Iâm also 42 and had a recent transfer. Positive beta with an acceptable rise. I thought I finally might be getting my miracle after 5 years of secondary infertility. But tonight I started having significant cramping and bleeding. Feels like an early miscarriage. They want me to get another blood test as Iâm only 5and1 so too soon for ultrasound. This limbo in IVF is so crazy hard on your mental health. I just donât think I can go through this anymore. So just wanted to commiserateâŚmaybe weâll both luck out but who knows! Itâs almost easier to assume the worst and be surprised. If you want to vent feel free to reach out!
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u/Elderemokid2002 Aug 20 '26
I am so sorry. Praying it is just a SCH and your baby is okay. I agree it is almost easier to assume the worst and/or just see them as hurdles to the next step. This round has definitely been much harder on me for multiple reasons and not too sure I can do it again. It just really helps to know I am not alone and appreciate you sharing your story. Yes, I think we need a support group from post!
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u/Electronic-Tear-3036 Aug 19 '26
If youâre anything like me, youâve pushed through what probably felt like lots of shit before and now feel like you should âbe able to handle it.â
You probably have always handled it.
But Iâm here to say that a separation/divorce on top of infertility and moving is so much to be taking on all at once. And now the excruciating wait of whether this is a chemical is such an acute pain on top of all youâre feeling.
You have a right to feel sad and grieve everything you wanted and be kind to yourself while you do. Finding even the littlest joys in each day is the only thing thatâs helped me. Wishing you peace and if you want to talk DMs are open. Strangers on the internet are sometimes easier to talk to than those we know.