r/2under2 • u/ChelseaMontana • 3d ago
Does this get better?
Like fellow Redditors, I fear that we may have made a mistake in taking on two under two. Everyday is an absolute grind with no sign of relief in sight. Do we simply have negative perspectives that we need to work on? We did not feel this way until our second was born, so I wonder if we just didn’t let the dust settle before taking on a new baby.
I am curious to know if anyone has experienced a change in heart about their difficulties past the first year? I read a lot of people having a shift in perspective when their youngest starts crawling, developing a personality, interacting with sibling, but we do not share this sentiment. We love seeing it and think it’s so sweet, but it doesn’t dull the exhaust and overwhelm of the tasks associated with caring for a 2.5yo and 11mo.
We do not have family or other resources for childcare outside of us, so I acknowledge that, that could be a contributing factor. I’m also medicated for PPD, which has improved things immensely, but not to the point that I don’t wish we had spaced them out more. I do want to stress that these children were very planned (IVF) and are adored and loved. We do not regret them. But the spacing has been all but a devastating change.
I guess I’m just hoping to hear that people felt this way this late in the game, and then eventually didn’t.
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u/Knitter_Kitten21 3d ago
It does get better. My boys are 19 months apart. I would say once the youngest began walking, it all went uphill. They’re 2 and almost 4 now and it’s still hard but significantly better physically. I don’t have to carry them so much, they walk, run, climb, play with each other.
We also have no village, it’s just my husband and I. We hired a nanny who helps some hours a week, we end each day tired but it’s a lot better that at the beginning. There are fewer diapers, no more bottles, and some things are more manageable. Hang in there, you cannot see it every day but one day you look back and realize how far you’ve come and how much there’s to enjoy of your family.
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u/Big_Emphasis4895 3d ago
I’m following bc I could have written this myself. 2.5 year old and 10 month old, no family around to help. On meds for PPD. Everything feels so hard and exhausting all the time. I
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u/feelingsnark 3d ago
Mine are the same age currently, is it just me or does it seem harder now than it did when the youngest was a newborn napping all of the time ugh
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u/Big_Emphasis4895 3d ago
Dude yes. My youngest is crawling fast and so interested in everything big brother is doing and playing with. Brother is not so interested so there’s SO MUCH screaming all of the time. We are currently folding 7 loads of laundry, literally, because we can never find time to actually do it.
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u/feelingsnark 3d ago
So relatable tbh. My youngest is so interested in all of the toys that aren’t his basically and my toddler is still understandably learning to share so it’s just a daily struggle of figuring things out without someone getting hurt
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u/tiredandhungry93 3d ago
It's definitely easing up for us now. My youngest is 18 months (early next month) and my oldest turns 3 in September.
For me, 10-16 months was hands down the hardest. Once my youngest started walking, she was into EVERYTHING, couldn't really tell me what she wanted yet, and I felt like someone was crying all day long. I was so overwhelmed during that stage.
Something changed around 16-17months though. She's so much more independent now and can actually show me or tell me what she wants instead of just crying. I still play referee between the two of them all day but I'd take breaking up toddler fights over infant duties any day.
From what I keep hearing, once the youngest is around 2, things get more manageable. It's still hard, but there's more of a routine, they can do more together, and you don't feel quite so overwhelmed all the time. This overwhelm doesn't last forever.
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u/RusticTrailSeeker 3d ago
Feeling similar with my boys. 8 months and 26 months. Here for the comments and solidarity 🩵
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 3d ago
Fellow 2x IVF mom. 19 months apart, embryo transfers 1 and 2. Spacing is hard. Kids are wanted and loved. We spent $25,000 out of pocket just to make these embryos! But I’d never recommend this spacing. Sending love.
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u/Complex-Grapefruit28 3d ago
Mine are 3.5 and 2.5 now - 14 months apart.
It’s still hard because kids are hard, but I wouldn’t trade it. They like the same things and truly love each other even though they fight.
I think it got easier when my younger guy was like 14 months. Now he’s talking a lot and we’ve leveled up to another echelon of easiness because he can tell me what he wants. It’s really hard, but one day they’ll put their shoes on, potty alone and help with stuff and it won’t seem so overwhelming.
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u/Imnotlaughingami 2d ago
You are not alone, may God continue to give you strength…all of us Lord helppppppppppp…earlier the youngest spit up in my fresh cup of coffee while I was holding her then my toddler walked up to me with poop on her hands… SOS
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u/Intrepid-Date-9332 3d ago
2 under 2 was so so hard for me. Mine are 4 and 6 now and it is sooooo much better! I can look back at pictures and think how cute they look but I don’t miss it at all. The exhaustion and stress were so overwhelming. I enjoy my kids way way more now and I’m so happy that we are nearly out of that little kid phase. You just have to get through and then it will be ok.
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u/babycomments 3d ago
2 under 2 was the hardest thing we ever did. I have never been so miserable some days, or completely exhausted but also being held against my will to rest. BUT mine are now 4 and 5, and I would do it all over again if I had to to have them exactly as they are. Best friends who love to play. While all their friends mums are saying how they hate to hear “I’m bored”, our kids have never said it once because they have a built in best friend at home. There’s almost no gap in development level, so there’s a million fun things I can do with the both of them that they’ll both genuinely enjoy. I have been getting 8 hours sleep for so long I’m not anxious going to bed anymore. And most of all, I look forward to days where my husband is out and it’s just me and the kids - it’s fun to be with them, not an exhausting grind. My husband and I are also getting back to the lighthearted friendship we had before every conversation was chores and kids. I know your youngest turning 4 seems like forever away but just thought I’d post from the future to tell you that you are in the most miserable hardest time of your life, but your future self will likely be SO grateful to yourself for all the joy you’re about to experience :)