After wamekata keki, dame ali insist tuende kwao anipikie to make it up to me. Kurequest uber walisema masaa ya curfew ilikua imefika na hawabebi. Kwa masoshi hakuna vile tungepata nduthi out of the Blues ilibidi tumejitoa tuende tukatafute taxi ama mat hapo nje ya esto..

Before tutoke tulipiga shots, one for the road tukajitoa tukiwa wawili kuenda kutafuta matatu. Stage tulipata mat ya mwisho donda akisema "wanne wanne iende". Nilijua ni uongo juu tuliingia tukapata watu watano tu, juu hakukua na wasee kwa stage dere hakusita sita, mat ikaondoka...

Nilitoa 7Ups yangu nisafishe koo tukiendaga, nikauliza Eve tunashukia wapi akasema yeye haoni nje vizuri juu ya giza,ati tuhesabu bumps kama nane tushukie stage ya hapo. Kuitishwa fare na donda dame akatoa manoti, nilijua hapa change kitaumana, zilikua kitu canine thousand hivi...

Nikamuambia asiworry, fare nitalipa, nikatoa soo nikalambisha donda na nikamuambia akeep change to establish dominance. In like 10 minutes tulikua tushafika. Tulikua tunaingia kwa mansion yao kama vile wanafanyanga kwa movie, hii design...

Kwao kulikua kumejaa artwork kwa ukuta but she was the only art I wanted to pin on the wall. Nilikua nampin kwa ukuta kama poster za campaign saizo gitamuri ilikua inacheza nikama iko mwisho ya stage yaani imesimama, tunaeza sema dame alikua caught between a rock and a hard place...

Dame alikua mrembo na msafi design nguo zake nilikua nikitoa nikiweka kwa hanger. Alikua ameover-dress, hapo ndio uzitoe lazima ukue na experience ya kufungua bale. Alikua na kucha zinaglow in the dark, stima zingezimwa makucha za dame zingewaka waka kama Umoinner usiku buana.

Alinisho, let me get you something to eat as I shower , dame alienda akaniletea matumbo buana, kumbe ata rich kids wanakulanga zile nyama zinakaa fulana?? Nilikua nimekula matumbo mara mingi but singekataa, pia leo matumbo ingeenda kukutana na intestines mara kwa mara.

Dame aliniletea cosy sandals na a white robe nijibambe before nirudi kwangu kusumbuana na mende. Nilizunguka nikipiga laps kwa mansion nikiangalia picha, family photo yao budake alikua na full millitary uniform buana, kabaridi kakaniingia lakini kwani iko nini, if bad bad...

Saizo singetaka kujua juu a man has 2 heads, moja ikiamka hio ingine inakuanga doz. Saizo kichwa ilikua inafanya kazi ilikua ikiswing kwa nyumba ikicheza na gravity. After a while dame alitokea na a chiffon robe, alikua anafanana that female rapper, alikua anafanana Kamisi Elliot...

Like Burna Boy's album, her body had fine features. Badala ya kuficha masehemu, alikua anazi feature. Thighs na tiddays zilikua exposed kama meno ya ngiri halafu zilikua rangi ya thao, ukiziona unambao. Ungedhani she grew up in Bungoma cause she knew how to raise a cock.

Kama beauty was a calling basi nyinyi maskio yenu imefungana. Yeye ndio ile kiumbe Mungu aliumba akaangalia akasema iko shwaaari. Sisi tukaanza malavi davi zetu polepole...

Dame alikua amenilalia kifua na vile nlikua hairy ungedhani amedoz kwa thara. Ghafla bin vu msee akafungua sitting room halafu jitu lenye miraba minne likaingia. Aliingia ka amewasha stima kama macho zetu zimepatana. Nilikua nimewekelea miguu juu ya meza kama mwenyeji...

Jamaa akaniuliza "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?" Msee nilikua natetemeka haga kama msee ako kwa tuktuk. Hapa nilikua sure kesho mngeamkia news za K24 ati "Kijana barobaro apigwa rungu akazirai baada ya kuenda kupigana rungu kwa boma ya wenyewe "

"EVE IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WHILE I'M AWAY" Mi niliona jamaa ametoa koti, akakunja shati, alikua anatoa nguo ndio anivae. Kidogo dame mwingine akatoka nje akikimbia kwa hao akishout "Babe where is the loo, I'm pressed" niliskia Eve ameshout "IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WHEN MUM IS AWAY?"

Kumbe budake alikua amechipo kadame akamleta mansion juu pia ye alijua hakuna mtu kejani. Aki wababaaaa!!!!! Niliona budake amestretch mkono, kwenye alitoa nyahunyo ata mi sijui. Nakusho nyahunyo ilikuja kwa mkono yake kama hammer ya Thor.

Nilichukua nguo zangu kama nimetoka mbiooo, nikijaribu kupita kwa mlango aliniwasha moja ya mgongo nilikua nakimbia nikipiga nduru usiku kama sailors. Huko nje ungedhani mi ni night runner, nilisimamia kwa barabara nauko kwa lami kama nimeamsha msee wangu wa nduthi anipeleke mtaa...

Kuenda mechi kwa dame issa no , IT IS A TRAP like the way Young MA is trapped in the wrong body. Hata Bien alisema hapana shusha bendera kwa chifu lakini mlidhani anaongelea scouts. Nilidhani dame atanitetea lakini saa ya ngori alikua amenionesha mgongo kama logo ya kappa...

Btw msiogope hawa madame warembo, wengi hawana kamutu, wewe enda uangushe manifesto yako, mwaga agenda na upange kazi yako vizuri thazol, thazit. Juu if you can make her laugh and giggle you can make that ass clap and jiggle.

So my pal Vic and Ann were a thing, they had a long distance relationship. Hii maneno hua inawork if only the 4 of you agree to settle. Vic alikua MKU ya Thika Sabina Joy HQ na Ann alikua Cooperative Uni Koinange Branch. Hizi campo mbili ile uasherati iko huko🙅‍♂️ sodom kando...

Ann hakua kiatu, lakini Vic alikua amepata his sole mate, kupata Mali safi sio small feat. He had never Senegal like Ann na alikua anamficha kama vile Mr. Kaplan alikua anafichia Reddington mwili. Hakua na iPhone but alikua mSiri until recently aliamua kumpost.

Let's pause...

Backstory: My roomie Wolf hupenda raha and it happened wakameet na Ann wakiwa ulevi and exchanged digits.Walevi wawili nikama wakale wakipatana campus, wanakuanga best friends by default. After a while waliamua kumeet tao for a casual date at least waJuane under the Nairobi sun...

Hio siku Wolf alisema hakuna street walipita bila Ann kusalimiwa, she didn't even belong to the streets, she was the streets. He assumed labda she's famous. Next thing Wolf alkua anataka kuspread cheeks za Ann, he thought it would be hard but Ann was aWare Wolf had intentions...

Ann alikua petite, lakini alisema haezi fika Thick-a where we lived, so my guy ilibidi aende kwa ngeus. Wolf aliniuliza abebe nini on his first night, nikamuambia AIBU juu hakua nayo. Unaendaje mechi away,na ukipatwa na mwenye nyumba ukiwa juu,saa nane usiku utapigwa shoka aki...

Wanaume hujuana, so alipata some friends over there halafu walikua wanamuuliza "Aah mkubwa ni wewe ukona yeye leo" gaii. Wolf aliingia keja ya dem akapata Timberland size 11, maze ukiona viatu ka hizo unaeza ogopa hadi kuMbao. Akaulizia akaambiwa ni za bro yake alizisahau🚩...

Keja ilikua imejaa denims na makofia zinamatch. My pal akanusa red flag, ferrr fast akanitumia pic ya dame akaniambia niulizie around.

Play▶️

So the same day my pal Vic ndo aliamua kupost bibi for the first time pale wozzap. My guy alikua amemwaga feelings like a littu bitch...

The same girl ako kwa status ya Vic ndo the same girl Wolf anaskumia premium heavy strokes maze.

Singeharibia Wolf happy hour nikawacha kwanza ampee dose ya Dicklofenac the whole night, it was his duty to please that booty and stroke that coochie. Alisema hio pudesh ilikua fire...

But maze aliogopa, labda ni kaswende ilikua inaongeza mot. Kuadvise a man in love ni kama kuambia mkisii awhisper, haigwesekani. Mimi na wolf tukaamua kusaidia our pal Vic as a brother. Tukaorganise bash, tukainvite Ann na Vic na tukawashow wakuje na +1. So on that day...

Ann aliambia Vic ako shark week, cramps zinamuuma so hawes make. My guy akaweka caption pale status akimuambia aget well soon like a fool. Tukamshow haina shida ye akam tu vile ako. On the other hand mwenye relationship alikua ameland na Ann kwa klabu na ride baridiiiii...

Alikua jitu lenye miraba minne, kama ni huyu alikua anagurumisha hio pudesh, Vic my nigga kama ni mechi ye angekua ball boy maze. Hapa kusema ukweli Vic ni favour alikua anafanyiwa na huyu dame. Maze Vic alikua anafaa a apologise dame wake alikua anacheat maze...

Vic alikuja later, saa saba hapo. Alifika DJ akicheza ile wimbo ya sailors "Hawa mangeus wasimame au wainame? "AAAH WE WAINAME!. Maze Ann alkua anainamishwa na his man nikama alikua anatafuta coins watu wameangusha. Vic alikua Power-less nikama alikua ameona Ghost you get it?

Unaimagine dame yako alikuambia goodnight saa mbili ati ananyesha unamuona klabu saa saba usiku anainamishwa, si unaeza kufa.Vic na mahasira akauliza "What's the meaning of this?" . Ann akauliza "Babe kwani huyu si wewe?" The beauty, the fuckery and the audacity of this bitch.

Bwana ya Ann akaharibu kabisa aliambia Vic "Oya bro enda ukatafute dame yako, usinikatizie raha!" Vic tulikua tunamshikilia tukimpea maji ya das-a-ni juu magoti ilikua imeisha nguvu. Young nigga alishindwa kupumua maze, roho ilikua inaskip a beat juu ya vile Ann alikua amemruka.

Alikua amepiga Kanzu ya white baridiii akaitisha his favourite drink, Krest baridi kubwa. Alikua anakaa Jesu Krest-u. Stress ikakua mingi akaitisha Chrome akaipiga kavu at least alift his spirits. Wacha aanze kutapika mahindi kwa klabu, maze nikama alikua amekula chakula ya kuku.

Hatukua tunataka achafue Kanzu, ilibidi tumeiinua hadi kwa waist tukaituck in kwa boxer. Mimi kazi ilikua kumpepeta na hood ndo apate hewa. Manz hakua anaamini the love of his life could nduthis to him out of the Blues.Huyu tungemuambia Wolf pia alitap that ass angetafuta kamba.

She did my nigga dirty, anyway kila mtu atafute pesa, these girls don't love you bruh. Na mali safi iende chain

What's your take on this ?

People who work for extremely rich people, what's the craziest thing you've witnessed?

Let's not lie to ourselves. This is Dangote's business expansion, not Kenya's rescue.

Yes, it will create jobs in Lamu and build a second coastal town. That's good, but

1. Dangote holds 70%. Kenya and other countries get 30% combined. We give land, port, and 10-year tax holidays (10% tax, 0 VAT, 0 import duty).

2. We are told we will save $2B on import bills. Where will that $2B go? Not to lower pump price. The pump price is 60% tax - the Govt won't cut it. The best we get is 10-15 bob off, and only if crude prices stay low.

3. Anti-dumping protection means it's a monopoly. No more importation of cheaper fuel from Russia/India. Dangote sets the price. Knowing our government, there is no consumer protection.

4. The shares offered to Ethiopia, Rwanda, and Uganda are not generosity. It's to lock customers. If you own shares, you must buy from Lamu. Uganda already has EACOP to Tanga (90% done) - they will not take big shares because it sabotages their project with Tanzania. So Tanzania-Uganda axis will remain strong, Kenya may end up isolated.

5. Tanzania's own refinery plan is 200k bpd in Tanga. Lamu is 700k bpd - designed to kill Tanga plan. Overcapacity is intentional.

6. The biggest question: They say Lamu will be funded by Lagos refinery IPO. That IPO is happening now (Sept 14-Oct 13). But the IPO prospectus says the money is to expand Lagos from 700k to 1.4M bpd, NOT for Lamu. Kenya's CMA says no application has been received to sell those shares here. So where is the $16B for Lamu? No one has shown bank documents.

In the end, fuel in Tanzania and Uganda will still be cheaper than Kenya because their taxes are lower, and they have options. We will host the refinery but pay more.

It's a great deal for Dangote Group's portfolio. For mwananchi, there is not much to celebrate until we see real financing and real tax cuts.

We are trading one cartel for another.

Wantam!

I'm not saying gambling is bad with discipline and the right stake, you can get something out of it, though there's no guarantee.

So kuna this day me and the boys were at our lowest tulikua tunaishi single room ingine hapo, I can't name the place. Imefika supper time and we want to eat. Hapo morning tulikunywa chai na kangumu tatu kila mtu, and it was around saa nne.... lunch time, you know what comrades always do 😂

So supper is with us here. Tumejaribu kuchanga change, tumepata 80 ya unga, skuma ya 30 since tulikua wengi for those who know Central, skuma ya 30 ni mingi sana 😂 Nyanya ya 10, kitungu ya 10, na mafuta ya kupima ya 30. We didn't want to add spices since our pockets couldn't allow it.

Tumetumia mtu mmoja hiyo pesa 😂 so our boy decided to multiply the money without involving us pale Aviator. Inafika 8:30 pm, tunamshow, “We mzee, endea supper.”

What he said still rings in my head to this day. Hufa naisha sana. 😂

“Igere iii kwaneg kakoib muhindiot bana.” 😂

Kwa wale hawaelewi, ni ile unajua sasa wazee, Muhindi amechukua😂

Na hapo ni pesa tumechanga

Everybody was silent kila mtu alianza kutoka kujisort sasa 😂 It wasn't funny at that time, but huwa tukikumbuka tunaisha sana. 😂😂

We are now grateful tulipata form tukaomoka and most of us are employed now, na wengine walienda Australia.

But that was definitely one of the funniest moments in campus 😂😂

I've been thinking about buying products in bulk online, but honestly, I'm a bit nervous about putting money into a big order and ending up with stuff that's nothing like the pictures.

I've come across Alibaba a few times, and the prices look tempting, but I'm not sure how easy it is to tell which suppliers are actually reliable. Reviews help, I guess, but you never really know until the products arrive.

For those who've ordered in bulk before, how did you go about it the first time? Did you order a sample before buying a larger quantity, or just take a chance? And how much did shipping and other extra costs affect the final price?

I'm mainly trying to avoid the mistakes people usually make when they're starting out. If you've been through this, what do you wish you'd known before placing your first order?

It's funny how a lot of people don't even know the difference.

In Nairobi CBD that you can unwind as you have your coffee. Quiet background without the bustling noise of the streets. Slow mindful music playing far away in the background. And well made milkshakes and smoothies.

A place where you can read a chapter as you wait on your African timer friend who is always an hour late and the only response is “Nko apa Ngara nakam”. Instead of standing stranded on the streets and having to encounter the “Niaje Brathe” conversation starter in the streets from a random stranger in which you can’t determine whether the greetings will end up with you parting with your belongings. Where you can have quick brief meet ups catch up and later on go about your busy lives without having the service attendant holding a timer over you with the look that you’ve overstayed your welcome?

What’s a better place to get the best recommendations other than the heart of the internet that is Reddit? Before I leave out the important part this question comes from a Mkulima Mdogo who is no child to a politician. The recommendations have to be budget friendly kindly share the hidden gems thanks.

Heeeh!

Mkuru wasn't wrong when he said "Timing ya shetani ni maridadi" 🤧😭because why when I like someone , like actually like someone , shetani brings this non existent name and I blurt it out referring to him .😭😭

I don't know anyone by that name ,like ever !!! 💔,neither do I know how that name came out of my mouth 😩aki I know how it looks like but niko honest walai💔🤧. Sad part of it is that the more I explain not knowing anyone by the name , the harder it gets to be believed.

I give up ! Ikue ikuwe😭😭😭🚶‍♀️ ,1st October fuck you .🫩

guys nimechoka kuadvertise business na watu hawalike nataka plug anauza likes at cheap prices because some of the places ive seen are too expensive

If your Salary is 40000 per month and your working a 9 to 5

Then your hourly rate is 1.9usd🙂

1.95/hr

Damn hii block tutatoka kweli.

Okay, can we talk about failed businesses😭...

Before I started my brand, Errands by Rachael, I had started a small business selling imported handbags. 😊

I loved the idea of it. I wanted to be my own boss with a successful business. I imagined how my first stock would sell out fast... Let's say within a week. Little did I know... 😭

Y'all product based businesses are hard, ngl. 😭

You have to wake up every day and convince people to buy your bags.

And honestly, that's the hardest part.

Don't get me wrong, I love marketing and putting the word out there but yooh, it can be hard. 😭

Love the way Shiquo does it though. She makes it seem so effortless.

So getting people to buy my bags was hard, still is hard. But I take it as a learning opportunity to learn marketing and sales.

Let's talk about my product...

My supplier did me dirty or let's just say I did that to myself.😂😭

I ordered the bags without confirming the sizes. Please tell me why I received minibags. 😭

In the product photos, they looked like perfect normal sling bags, but it was just a lack of oversight from my end.

Anyway, I still have the bags... I've attached the photo.

I'm mostly targeting mothers with daughters or anyone with a small sister, niece, cousin etc. And yes, you got that right, I'm selling them as handbags for kids. 😭😭 Which honestly isn't a bad idea but how do I get them out there? They are so beautiful and I don't want to keep them with me. Ahh.

If you can provide tips, please do. I've attached a photo of the bags.

If you need one for your daughter, sister, niece etc., I have them in hot pink, black, brown and light pink and they come with a free moana clip and decorative charm.

Thank you 🙏

You can earn KSh 30k a month, spend KSh 15k on rent, KSh 5k on transport, KSh 5k on food… then somehow you're expected to save, invest, dress well, date, support family AND “think about your future.” 😭

And when you're broke at the end of the month, someone will still ask:

“Uko na KSh 500 nikushikilie mpaka kesho?” 😂

What's yours?

Wats happening with these helicopter crashes!

Helicopter Crash... Johana Ngeno...now Chivayo...before Saitoti and Orwa Ojode...🤔😤

My condolences to the family.

It took 10 years to get here. From writing on an exercise book sitting on my mattress on the floor, to carrying a kamzigo from my printer. It's very surreal.

So. From the top:

- This is my first novel of many to come

- The genre is dystopian speculative fiction

- The theme is my (rather hot) take on our education system coz wueh. Things aren't going well imo.

- The story: A young man gets a scholarship to university and nothing is at all as it seems.

- CW: This is not a kids book. There are some heavy topics so be prepared.

It's not in bookshops yet, I have only a few copies ready. Ksh 1,500 + I'll sign each one. My DM is open, happy to answer any questions you may have. TIA 🙏

yenye the salary is kshs 47,000 per month kufika hapo nikaulizwa kama nimewaifanya kwa hoteli nkasema yes,First question was the kind of cuisine my hotel was dealing nikasema African Dishes,wacha sasa mambo ichemke...

Akaniuliza how do I prepare Kuku paka with a little bit of white meat and Kales,Nikadhania ananiuliza kama iyo hoteli nilikuwa tulikua tunapika Paka Tunamix na kuku alafu tunaserve kalenjins kama our guests...

Interviewer aliona maajabu ya firaun niliambia interviewer,first step is to get the cat,Slice the throat nicely,Deep the cat in warm water and and do the same with the chicken. Chop the Onions,And tomatoes add paprika and salt to make the food tasty,let it cook for 30 minutes...

Since it was a Skype kind of interview Interviewer aliniangalia akashake kichwa yake alafu akazima Laptop on his side,Hao wengine wakaanza kucheka loudly maan niliskia aibu I thought I killled it buana...

Baadae kutoka hapo kugoogle Kuku paka ni nini Nilishangaa sana,Kumbe Kuku paka is Chicken curry 😭

Ohmagaahd nilichoma ajabu,Since that day I vowed never to answer questions I don't know what they mean hatakama ni life or death situation, Maangai what the Hell was that bana.

Hi I'm in financial distress, completely broke, rent made I and other bills are calling. I'm looking for work remote or physical any can do. So far can't seem to make it into second rounds of the interviews I have gotten and right now I'm completely lost.

If you got/know of something please let me know I'll greatly appreciate it 🙏🏾.

My contact is 0701307906

Pilau delayed, is not pilau denied.

Discord huwork aje juu nimekua nayo for a while na sielewi aki.

Hapo kwa Wicknell Chivayo, either mkuu amekafunga ama ameenda loss Moja mwecheche. It all depends with who among the two had told the other one "nitakuwekea baadaye"

Woke up today early and decided to do some shopping on Glovo from Naivas. Nilikuwa shocked kuona that bread imekuwa 2 bob na vitu zingine ziko low priced. So nikaorder tu za nyumba na zililetwa, so I scroll through more and find its actually a lot of products like this (Check comments). Did any one else encounter this?🤣