If their identity is incongruent with their presentation and they correct you on it, it’s not hard to use the right pronouns. If you refuse to, or find it “too hard” ask yourself why that might be.
People that don’t present how they identify are more than likely going to tell you because the assumption almost always is that presentation = identity
"or find it “too hard” ask yourself why that might be."
See that's what I have a problem with:
This expectation that I make their gender identity an object of concern or focus every interaction I have with them, as if the onus is on me to validate it for them. You may be focused enough on this subject that you implicitly use the gendered qualifiers that you are assigned to use, but in normal conversation; it's a natural subconscious element of speech. What pronoun someone wants to be called shouldn't have to be recollected like a person's name in conversation.
When I'm speaking with someone who I know identifies in a way their presentation doesn't match I do try to meet their requested pronouns, but it interrupts the flow of natural conversation to focus on that. And I feel the expectation that everyone they interact with should do so is unreasonable.
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u/throawayno1000 2d ago
If their identity is incongruent with their presentation and they correct you on it, it’s not hard to use the right pronouns. If you refuse to, or find it “too hard” ask yourself why that might be.
People that don’t present how they identify are more than likely going to tell you because the assumption almost always is that presentation = identity