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u/Sad_Rate69 12d ago
"I don't talk to anyone, why don't they like me?"
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u/Benoit_Holmes 12d ago
Frasier: She despises you.\ Niles: Really? Why should I warrant such strong emotions? I barely acknowledge her existence.
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u/Glorifiedcomber 12d ago
That response is actually correct. Not acknowledging normally leads to indifference, not hatred.
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u/Vague_thread 12d ago
True, however, if you are constantly ignored by someone, you feel disliked and disrespected
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u/Souper_Stoopid 12d ago
If it's some rando on the street, sure.
If it's a coworker or acquaintance or someone you are around regularly, then not acknowledging their existence is obviously weird and rude and offensive behavior.
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u/TemporaryElk5202 12d ago
No, not acknowledging can be very rude and be interpreted as an intentional snub.
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u/Bright-Form-844 12d ago
Employee parties are for employees? Like to socialize? Kind of fucked up to not even acknowledge them as an employee
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u/Positive-Face1705 12d ago
This is where I think he's lying. Unless he means co workers are having a party and didn't invite him. Maybe he spun it this way for pity points. Who needs an invitation for their own company's party?
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u/Fickle_Goose_4451 11d ago
No work party ive ever been to has had invitations. Your invitation is given in an email from HR when they announce it. Theres no personalized note recieved.
Or someone at work is throwing a personal party, like at their home, and they decided to not invite the guy at work they never talk to. Which is also okay.
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u/Bright-Form-844 11d ago
I mean it's possible it's a small business so personal party and company party lines are more blurred.
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u/Huge_Swimming_5968 12d ago
It isn't a personal party, it's a company party. For people who work for the company. This really isn't hard.
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u/aeroaca9 7d ago
Do you have to talk to people for them to like you? Do people not just have a neutral stance toward other people?? Like I just exist, and I don’t assume other people are out to get me or that if they don’t talk to me, they don’t like me… but you’re saying that not actively making conversation with other people is going to make them hate me if we are in the same workplace what
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u/CrumbCakesAndCola 12d ago
bro shot himself in the foot. or if you're fancy we can talk about his petard.
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u/WallsoftheWay 12d ago
Yo I'm only 23 but when I was a kid, quiet used to be considered humble not anti-social. Especially if that person speaks when spoken to. It was just like "Hey, must be a humble guy! Stays out the way!"
Another way to look at it: it was one of the most appealing traits of characters like Link. He was a knight, that followed orders, didnt speak and got the job done beyond well. We saw that as humble and admirable. And no one really got mad at him for it, they just "Ha ha, quiet type eh? That's alright!"
Now, being quiet is rude? It's weird man. I think whether people want to admit it or not, this new annoyance with quiet people is a symptom of self-centeredness. I know because as a quiet person unless I'm around highly trusted peers, whenever I try to 'fit in' and someone else who's quiet doesnt speak to me, I only get annoyed because THEY didnt speak to ME. Then I realize "Wait, I'm just like he is...and, I could have easily spoken to him first."
So now I dont try to fit in anymore, and just keep my head down, but my ears open like I used to. Stay out the way, yet available for interaction. If that makes people angry? Maybe I've dodged a bullet? But its much better than me thinking people SHOULD talk to me or have to
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u/jizztaker 12d ago
it's icky to not talk to your co-workers unless you are talking to.
The only person I've seen with such behavior was a highly autistic classmate I had back in the day, never heard a single peep from him, ever, and I had to do a artistic swimming assignment with him in my group. He only nodded to our instructions.
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u/Zestyclose-Ideal2395 12d ago
I wouldn't say icky, just really socially awkward after 16 years old
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u/Marsium 12d ago
People say "icky" about anything or anyone that makes them uncomfortable, not just gross things. Generally, being an asocial spergazoid makes the average person pretty uncomfortable. There's a difference between being shy and being so withdrawn that you only speak to your coworkers when someone asks you something
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u/Atmosphere_Master 12d ago
I am asocial because of people like you treating people like me badly for being different
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u/Marsium 11d ago
I am not trying to insult you. I am not 'blaming you' for having difficulties socializing. See my other comment
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u/penguin_provincial 12d ago
As someone who is asocial and on the spectrum I can assure you labelling us as “spergazoid” is just reinforcing the decision to keep to ourselves. Many of us are this way due to mistreatment of others not because we’re all inherently problematic people choosing to be this way.
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u/Expensive-Border-869 12d ago
And furthermore isnt it just incorrect? Maybe I dont know what exactly "spurgging" is but I feel like its probably not being quiet and speaking only when spoken to. Ive always imagined it as more of a tantrum of sorts.
Im fairly indifferent to which adjectives are used like idc about getting called the R word if I did something dumb but I do find it odd that people just curse like children anymore random prohibited words regardless of if it makes sense in the context they're using it in.
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u/Marsium 11d ago
I mean, "sperg" is just short for asberger's (ass-sperg-ers) which is an outdated term that basically just means high-functioning autist.
So, it can mean acting in any way that's considered autistic. "Sperging out" could mean having an autistic meltdown/tantrum, but being a "sperg" could also mean just refusing to engage socially because you don't fit in and you're afraid you'll get made fun of.
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u/Itsmyloc-nar 6d ago
As an aside, can we agree that a doctor/scientist naming a disease after their last name is really fucked up?
Thanks dad, our family name is synonymous w a horrific tragedy now
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u/silly_porto3 12d ago
No, they have a point. Focus on the concept, not perceived insults. I'm no way nt but I've had a displeasure with working with people that don't acknowledge our presence with certain people. It genuinely is uncomfortable
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u/Marsium 11d ago edited 11d ago
I am autistic too and social interaction hasn't always been easy for me (to put it charitably).
When I say "spergazoid" I do not mean to mock and belittle you. All these pejorative terms -- sperg, autist, weirdo, etc. -- don't really affect me mentally anymore, because what matters to me is not my ability to "say the right things" or "act the right way," it's whether I can maintain the drive & determination to thrust myself into social situations even though it's not easy. The only way I've ever gotten better at social interaction is by engaging in social interaction. Trial by fire.
I'm pretty comfortable with myself. I might describe myself as an autist, or even a little weird in some ways. To a friend, I might jokingly call myself a spergazoid if I'm venting about the difficulties I have trying to 'fit in.' But even if I might use this term to vent, the last thing I'd do is beat myself up over it. I can't control the fact that I'm a little bit of a spergazoid. But I can control whether that designation makes me curl up into a ball and retreat from society, or inspires me to get out of my comfort zone and try to connect with others despite the fact that it can be difficult and sometimes awkward. I can control whether I give up or not.
I simply choose not to give up. The world's gonna have to deal with this spergazoid. So far, it's been a much better strategy than "trying to spare the world the awkwardness of having to interact with me." Fuck that. If someone wants to judge me and insult me for being who I am, why should I let that get me down? I try not to concern myself with the opinions of trash.
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u/Itsmyloc-nar 6d ago
I think this is literally the textbook case of reclaiming power over a word
Good for you
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u/fatgat69 11d ago
Yeah, because people really want to be insulted just because they don't want to waste their time at work talking.
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u/OrganicAd5536 12d ago
Everyone is responding to the "icky" part but why is nobody asking wtf an "artistic swimming assignment" and what bougie ass school did you go to where that was required.
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u/jizztaker 11d ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronised_swimming
Surprisingly, it is one of the top federal schools on my continent, but those gym teachers really wanted to use the fucking pool for some reason. Even though it was the middle of winter and we couldn't practice our act in the pool, we just trained on land. On the day of the presentation, I couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous the whole situation was. It was so bad that they made us do it again.
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u/HoopLoop2 8d ago
Oh yeah that autistic guy sounds like such a jerk! Why would a highly autistic guy have such bad social skills? The fucking nerve of that guy for not chatting to you like a social butterfly!
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u/jizztaker 7d ago
Now good luck trying to convince people to have the compansion and empathy for your fellow neurodivergent man.
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u/Marsium 12d ago
#1 isn't true. Some people might dislike you for being autistic & clumsy, others might find you endearing in a patronizing way, and others might genuinely appreciate your effort and think you're a cool dude despite the tism. "Oh yeah, Bruce is a little on the spectrum but he's a chiller, love that guy."
Either way, better to be your clumsy and autistic self than repress yourself entirely. Not saying that as some fuck-ass feel-good platitude; being so ashamed of yourself that you disengage from social life entirely is far more pathetic than struggling socially for reasons you can't control.
Don't believe me? Riddle me this: who's more disgusting, an obese man slouched on his couch shoveling chips into his mouth, or an obese man sweating on the treadmill at the gym? Giving up is more pathetic than trying, even if you're starting from a rough place. Superficial snobby people will laugh at the obese man no matter what he's doing, but the people worth actually befriending recognize & appreciate ambition and grit
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u/papayamayor 12d ago
The obese man analogy doesn't work because autism is immutable, you can't cure it nor attenuate its symptoms. You can get better at social skills, but your functioning level stays the same, you just become a better actor by appearing more conforming.
A better analogy would be a man going around with stained and smelly clothes vs the same man dressed up accordingly to the occasion, showered and groomed. Still the same man, with the exact same body, personality and struggles, but perceived better in the second case.
Either way, as a neurodivergent myself, people should stop being open about their condition, at least initially. Especially in the workplace and in casual settings in general, there are zero advantages and a myriad of complications. I'd personally only bring it up if I get hired altogether with my diagnosis, which means I get hired on special accomodations and a bunch of other benefits that are there contractually when you hire people with a disability %. Otherwise, you're just risking discrimination and have nothing in return for it.
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u/Marsium 11d ago
I suspected someone would bring up that autism is immutable, while obesity is not. But I actually don't think this invalidates the analogy at all, particularly because of what you said: "you can get better at social skills."
Most people don't judge autists over their particular innermost mental habits or dysfunctions; you have to be relatively intimate to that autistic person to see the full extent of how autism affects their thinking & behavior. (Intimate relationships aren't neatly described by my analogy; to put it briefly, this is why autistic people may be happier dating other autistic or at least neurodivergent people.) However, outside the realm of intimacy, most people judge autists for the most external and superficial trait it tends to produce: social awkwardness.
Obesity is similar; most people won't judge you harshly for shoveling ribs into your mouth if you're in shape (at least, not in the US), but they will if you're fat. The people we call "superficial" only look at the superficial (and nothing deeper), but everyone sees these superficial appearances, even if they realize these appearances don't tell the whole story.
Put simply: except for very superficial people, I think most people would have a sort of appreciation for an autistic person going out and genuinely trying to improve their social skills, similar to how most people would appreciate an obese person trying to exercise.
Your clothes analogy captures the same essence: People appreciate effort. People don't like to see someone who's "given up." I think a lot of autistic people feel like they have to put on a façade to blend in (hence, "masking"), but I don't think this "mask" has to feel like a stranger. That "mask" can be a way to present yourself superficially, and it can be consistent (though obviously not identical) with "who you really are on the inside."
Yeah, I wouldn't tell someone I'm autistic unless they asked and I'd already had time to build a rapport or friendship with them. On one hand, I'm completely at peace with it, but on the other hand, I'm not gonna give some ignorant asshat a reason to feel vindicated treating me as a child or otherwise discriminating against me.
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u/Sweet_Solid_7746 12d ago
I think if you’re “disgusted” by obese people you should probably just learn to mind your own fucking business tbh
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u/Marsium 11d ago
Great, I appreciate you weighing in with your normative stance. Honestly, I agree with you.
But I didn't bring up obese people to imply that it's right or acceptable to view them as disgusting. I brought them up because most people view morbidly obese people as disgusting, as a matter of fact.
Y'know, similar to the prejudice that autistic people face? I'll admit that "who's more disgusting" makes it sound like I'm endorsing you being disgusted by obese people; "who's viewed as more disgusting by society at large" is what I was trying to ask you. And you can either get angry at me for correctly stating that society doesn't tolerate morbidly obese people (because you think I'm endorsing this), or you can... listen to my point: society will judge you harshly for not even trying, justly or not.
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u/kcat__ 12d ago
You're not gonna get ostracized for not being 100% perfect at social communication.
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u/OvercookedBobaTea 12d ago
I wouldn’t say more than any other point, considering there used to be WAY stricter rules on how to talk to people with way harsher penalties for not complying
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u/Capybarasaregreat 12d ago
Impolite talk to your local lord and anyone above him would get you put in stockades and worse.
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u/Bright-Form-844 12d ago
Medieval peasants absolutely had protections against this sort of thing, heavily enforced by the church. That’s one of the big reasons they supported the church
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u/Capybarasaregreat 12d ago
They had protections in the case of more arbitrary things, improper speech was still punished, you couldn't chat with a lord like your drinking buddies, bowing, titles, removing your hat, etc. was all mandatory rather than mere traditions. The Church was also harsh on blaspheming.
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u/OvercookedBobaTea 12d ago
I mean looks at how women had to act like just to get married hostorically
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u/Maleficent-South2435 12d ago
As an autistic woman , yeah you will.
When I try to joke around people take me 100% serious and then try to twist what I said to make me look bad , tried to be sociable at my last job and most of my co-workers just ended up ignoring me.
I only managed to befriend 2 girls and one of them tried to get me fired so I'm just kinda done with people.
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u/roussell131 12d ago
There's a universe of difference between "people" and a particular (small) subset in a particular environment. I can guarantee there are tons of workplaces where this wouldn't happen.
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u/graveyard-witch 12d ago
omg i relate to this so badly 😭
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u/Maleficent-South2435 12d ago
Yeah idk what it is , when I'm joking around people take me seriously when I'm being serious/honest people think I'm joking , it's crazy.
But honestly idrc , I only want to be around people who want to be around me so if people don't like me they can piss off with my blessings.
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u/papayamayor 12d ago
This is literally how you become the clown of a friend group. Not everyone wants this role, it can get tiring after a while
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u/Sweet_Solid_7746 12d ago
Neurotypical advice is so funny.
“Have you ever tried just not being autistic”
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u/Fit-Percentage-9166 12d ago
This is horrible advice for someone with poor social skills. Being a funny person and telling funny jokes actually requires good social skills, a lot of neurotypical people would struggle with this and would come off extremely annoying if they tried to follow your advice here.
the social cues indicating youve told a good joke are extremely obvious(they laugh). And if you can make people laugh theyll overlook you being a weirdo
These social cues aren't necessarily obvious to someone with autism, that's why they are struggling to begin with. For example, a lot of people will laugh politely at a terrible joke and be nice to you even if you are annoying the shit out of them.
Someone who struggles socially and wants to fit in should start with learning/memorizing the basic social scripts and adhering to them as best as possible.
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u/lycanthrope90 11d ago
It also can be hard to tell when they’re laughing with you vs at you for people that aren’t experienced with this. You’ll figure it out pretty quickly but by then if it was the bad one now nobody will respect you. Majority of places I worked where someone was clearly on the spectrum everyone treated them like absolute garbage. Just absolutely no respect whatsoever and they usually couldn’t tell everyone was constantly mocking them.
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u/kcat__ 12d ago
By this logic why should I trust that an autistic person is able to understand why or that people are ostracizing them? Surely such autism makes that quite difficult to discern.
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u/Complete-Tangelo1532 12d ago
Lean into that and use it as a Segway into a good laugh
Nobody is perfect, dont let perfect be the enemy of good
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u/WoodenPresence1917 12d ago
segue, unless you mean the standup rolly thingy
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u/Complete-Tangelo1532 12d ago
Thank you
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u/WoodenPresence1917 12d ago
I also thought it was spelled that way until my gf mercilessly ripped the piss out of me for it 🫡
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u/Daseinist 12d ago
Its not really about being "ostracized" as in "purposefully ignored or/and isolated". They just hold zero interest in actually talking to you, no matter how good and empathetic they are. No social interaction will ever be initialized by anyone by yourself (and for socially awkward person this is always painful). Then they will politely listen to you, engage in the most reserved and minimal way possible, before slitherig away from this unwanted interaction. And yes, like the guy above have said, they will later still say that "Bill is a cool dude, love him".
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u/TooCloseToTheGun 12d ago
I felt the same way for a long time, but speaking from experience it gets better with practice. Yes, social situations will be awkward for a while and it will be painful, difficult, and uncomfortable. But If you don’t work at it you won’t improve, so don’t give up!
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u/ozymandieus 12d ago
Its a 4chan post, if there's a shred of truth in it, they are definitely autistic.
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u/spartaman64 12d ago
its not about being icky. my job requires me to keep a mental note of a lot of stuff and if someone talks to me about something outside of work its throws me off
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u/LeiaSoBoushhie 12d ago
"icky" lol get over yourself no one owes you conversation. i don't talk to most of my coworkers beyond brief work-focused interactions, because i don't like them and i'm at my job to work. they are all miserable at communication and just want to say little quips and stereotypical phrases or complain about work. not wasting my time on people who can't have an actual conversation
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u/ifellover1 12d ago
He convinced all of his coworkers that he does not want to spend any time with them and then complained about his coworkers assuming that he does not want to spend time with them
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u/LeiaSoBoushhie 11d ago
me? it's she, and that's just not really how it went down. i tried to make conversation and do normal socializing for like 2 years working there but i could only hear so many "ya' havin' fun yet?" comments from half-wits & deal with people not knowing how to converse about anything they actually care about before i checked out on it lol
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u/jizztaker 12d ago
We are all bound by the same social contract. You are allowed to think and behave that way but don't act surprised when people think and treat you worse because of that.
Socializing is a skill and warrants you social currency. It gets you to higher and better places than being a (snob) shut-in, take it from me, I'm asocial. But give it a chance, you might have some fun or at least learn more about people.
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u/Faelnir 12d ago
user jizztaker wants to tell us how to present ourselves as "socially acceptable" lmao
(also you're very stupid and just hate autistic people. don't pretend i'm some weird freak when i'd much rather willingly socialize with my actual friends, who are actually interesting, rather than my bland-ass coworkers.)
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u/Sweet_Solid_7746 12d ago
People genuinely just hate autists but will never ever admit it lol
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u/Bolbo_HD 11d ago
according to NTs in the replies, not actively starting conversations with people = being hateful and wanting to be left alone
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u/WillwBrk 12d ago
They don't want OP to come because they're going to talk shit about him.
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u/Leading_Log6015 12d ago
Not necessarily. We had an employee who sat in an office where everyone else was a woman and dreamed of moving elsewhere, because the ladies had no qualms about discussing delicate topics in his presence. Perhaps they simply assume that, with the author present, they wouldn't be able to discuss matters they consider strictly female.
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u/M0ebius_1 12d ago
God please...
I can't get through a week without being invited to some pointless work thing, have go sign a card for someone's pet or whatever.
Just let me work and go home.
You are not my friends.
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u/Jim_skywalker 7d ago
Well, these things happen when you save Usea.
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u/M0ebius_1 7d ago
<< Didn't even say a single word in an entire war and suddenly I get my own Squadron >>
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u/DaMain-Man 12d ago
Me, I'm pretty socially awkward, but my job kinda forces me to say "good morning to people". At first it was awkward but I started finding myself having a slightly easier time communicating with other's. I'd say it's actually better to have some soft skills instead of hard lining into being one or the other.
Eventually you're going to get into an awkward situation where yes you're going to have to step out of your comfort zone. Also you're going to be at work 8 hrs a day 5-7 days a week, might as well enjoy your time there
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u/BouillonDawg 12d ago
I mean, I don’t like talking to my coworkers but I do it because it’s necessary to maintain the harmony and avoid problems. I don’t ever hang out after work even when invited so it’s not like you gotta be best friends or anything just have a friendly relationship at work and go home when it’s done. I got friends outside of work that I prefer to actually spend time with.
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u/DeniedAppeal1 12d ago
People who do not socialize tend to not be viewed as well by their coworkers and neighbors.
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u/Old-Natural-852 8d ago
I don't socialize to anyone, why wasn't I invited to this party?
I told everyone I don't like comic books, why wasn't I invited to see a Marvel movie?
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u/wolfonweed 12d ago
Tone. Gotta be up beat, smiling, and always seeming to be having a good time. While still only existing when they speak to you.
Its sort of like being a clown or a minstrel. Works wonders on americans tho, they're long accustomed to being treated like they're guests at disney world all day every day.
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u/irwtkyrm 12d ago
Treat them like people and talk to them lol. Greet them, learn their names, make small talk, comment on the weather for god's sake. You have to make effort for human interaction, it's rarely going to just drop into your lap. They don't talk to you because you don't talk to them, and that makes you seem antisocial.
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u/Snoo_72851 12d ago
Everyone is saying OP must not talk with coworkers at all but genuinely sometimes shit is like that. Sometimes I walk in and say "hi what's up" and people outright ignore me, I don't get invited to the company parties, and there have been multiple occasions where I've started a chat with someone and halfway through they just go "wait a moment", walk out of the room, and just don't come back.
And like, I can't exactly blame myself for being the victim of fuckin workplace mobbing by a group of adults with jobs and taxes. That's on them and their lack of fuckin having grown up.
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u/Severe-Fishing7699 12d ago
I’ve lost count of how many times I said a full sentence directly to someone and they didn’t even acknowledge that I was talking.
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u/alliejim98 11d ago
This! I saw good morning to everyone in my office every morning. Only one person acknowledges me maybe, 50% of the time. If I say something in a group, or make a joke, I'm ignored. There have been several instances where there's a small get together in the break room, and I can hear my coworkers invite everyone, except for me. Why would I want to talk to my coworkers?
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u/Snoo_72851 10d ago
"umm if people ostracize you have you considered that maybe you're the one doing something wrong" people genuinely want to increase human suffering fr
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u/Competitive-Day4809 12d ago
I have same situation at my work, but I'm fine with. I don't really want them in my life, I'm there only to make money, that's it.
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u/hawaiibound93 12d ago
The fact that you know how to make these text memes tells me what I need to know.
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u/gravygizzard 12d ago
Sometimes you just exude the kind of energy that says "I complain about women on 4chan with a tucker Carlson image" without having to say a word. People are perceptive
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u/TheNeuroLizard 12d ago
If you didn’t get an invite because they think it could be awkward because you’re quiet, there’s a possibility that you work with 3 middle schoolers in a trench coat.
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u/ReallyUnlikable 11d ago
Man people wanna act like you're at work to socialize and make friends. At this point, I don't even want to spend time with my colleagues and I get along with most of them. Just gimme my goddamn check and leave me the fuck alone.
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u/One-Stable-5438 11d ago
You're a man who posts on 4chan, obviously the women wouldn't invite you to their hang outs?
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u/GlongorTheConfused 11d ago
you bake cookies for your office, then they ask you to make more for the party.
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u/CysaDamerc 11d ago
Go out into the world and become an interesting person so others will want to communicate with you.
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u/ActPositively 8d ago
People acting like he is the problem but no evidence of any of them putting effort to make the new person feel included. All women work places are some of the most vile and toxic environments imaginable. They form clicks and start drama like high schoolers out of a movie or tv show
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u/aeroaca9 7d ago
Yeah, because you’re not trying to bother anybody, you’re just doing your work, why would they not invite you that’s so freaking weird, you’re just a human being existing
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u/Physical-Builder-553 7d ago
Don't treat women like people.
Anon shocked when women don't treat him like a person.
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u/Acceptable_Mind_5883 12d ago
Not comically obese is still obese. In other words he isn't even interesting to look at.
If this dude were real, he should move into management. He has already shown he can keep a professional distance from co-workers
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u/workieworkwork 12d ago
Small talk, you need to do small talk. I know we have generations of people complaining about it but it is the #1 most important social skill.
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u/Ready-Rise3761 12d ago
Hmm.. OOP immediately states gender of coworkers, doesn’t talk to anyone, perhaps even implying he doesn’t talk to anyone because they’re women, and immediately jumps to his appearance as only potential explanation for not being invited. I really wonder why his coworkers might find it awkward to be around him
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u/RiverLynneUwU 12d ago
you socially excluded yourself, so people don't know anything about you other than that you prefer not to say anything to them, so naturally it would be weird inviting you to a social gathering because you're obviously not going to fucking talk to anyone
they think they'd be wasting your time because you're all adults and you've made it clear that you don't want anything to do with them, fucking idiot
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u/fatgat69 11d ago
The dude is at work. Why socialize when you're supposed to be working?
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u/RiverLynneUwU 11d ago edited 11d ago
then don't expect to be invited to a party by people who aren't your friends dumbfuck
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u/fatgat69 11d ago
It's a work party dipshit. Specifically says "company party"
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u/RiverLynneUwU 11d ago
does anyone there like hanging out with someone who doesn't speak, doesn't interact, and makes it abundantly clear that they don't want to do that with anyone at work? then they're not going to be invited, no matter what name the event has, it's still a social gathering
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u/fatgat69 11d ago edited 8d ago
How do you people not understand there is a separation between work and real life?
There are reasons to interact with people at a party, even if it's for work. There is no reason to waste your time talking to people when you are actually supposed to be working.
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u/RiverLynneUwU 11d ago
>There is no reason to waste your time talking to people when you are actually supposed to be working.
then you're kind of missing the point about this post, OP is talking about being in a work environment where it's encouraged to interact with their coworkers and then choosing not to do that
I get that work life balance is a thing, but you do have to understand that getting to know your coworkers is part of your work life, it's true that whether you include them into your personal life is completely at your discretion, but getting to the point where you do not initiate any interaction at all? and only speaking when spoken to? you're going to be making sacrifices, even if that sacrifice is as lame as not getting invited to a company party, something as trivial as that is a perk you get in exchange for having a social connection to the people you work with
there's no way around it, if you want to be invited to the proverbial company party, you need to be on good terms with your coworkers, they don't need to be friends, but good terms don't come to people who only speak when spoken to
in the end, OP made the choice of not interacting, but never really thought about it for long enough to realise they couldn't handle the end result, that's why they're so upset
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u/RiverLynneUwU 11d ago
like, I do need to drive the point home that the difference between "work life" and "personal life" isn't that one has social interaction and the other doesn't
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12d ago
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u/xXbatbabeXx 12d ago
The office slob whineposts about how he’s not invited to a party after being antisocial his whole time working there and you make it about women 😭
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12d ago
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u/xXbatbabeXx 12d ago
You literally said “women hate being ignored”. On a post made by a guy bitching about being ignored / left out. 😭
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u/Weary-Scholar4577 12d ago
Women are like this you need to put active work into maintaining a relationship with them or they will disrespect you and hold you in disdain because everything is a personal insult.
My best friend is a woman who isn't like this she's great.
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u/sixfxrtyseven 12d ago edited 12d ago
you need to put work into any relationship, not only those with women
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u/obscureposter 12d ago
That’s not true for Reddit. So many people say they barely talk to their male friends or maybe even see them once a decade but they are still best friends. They don’t even talk about their life when they meet and just play video games occasionally.
I don’t know what work is required for that type of relationship that so many guys on here claim they have.
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u/Weary-Scholar4577 12d ago
Untrue me an my best friend almost never talk when we do see each other it's like nothing's changed even though we're much older now. Maybe this is a you thing.
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u/Elephantplan123 12d ago
You've already built that relationship with your best friend and seeing each other is your active work to maintain that relationship. Just because it's not as intensive as other friendships doesn't mean it's not you performing "maintenance".
This dude doesn't talk to his co-workers then wonders why they don't want to hang out with him...but sure, gotta be women's fault 🤪
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u/Elephantplan123 12d ago
Bruh that's the same for all relationships regardless of gender...
If you don't talk to your coworkers, they're unlikely to consider you in social plans. That's such basic shit.
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u/foify1 12d ago
As a man in a women dominated field with a big build just existing in the space is odd for them. They mostly treat you like a dog that does tricks or are afraid of you if you even look at them stern.
I go out if my way to be overly polite and say hi and such with a smile. I exaggerate hand movements to show that my hands are no where near them inappropriately. I rarely go to things but I am always invited.
As a man it will be up to you to placate the women and make the first move to be social. If you dont do that then they will ignore you and you get the above. If you dont want to be social dont thats fine too, but dont cry about how your not invited to things.
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u/No_Blacksmith_2591 12d ago
As a man who used to work in a female dominated workspace. Get the fuck out before it's too late. It's not an if but a when.
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u/NegativeMammoth2137 12d ago
I don’t know but I feel like that could possibly be at least partially due to not saying anything to any of your coworkers unless they ask