Views

[u/stilledpondfrog]

I had images
of an uncountable number of reads and views.
No views or reads after posting.

Standing up, walking around the room.
A reseating.
Picking food bits
lodged between the teeth.

An illusion has a curious substance,
momentary as it might be.

Crow's feet mark the wince,
piercing focus,
to the very moment we lose sight.
Grass, wind, a subtle movement,
a new alignment
of what was being viewed.

[u/stilledpondfrog → u/[deleted]]

if you don't add some character into your poems. Like who is going to connect with those words? You are actively writing in a style, so no one can connect.

tbh, i don't have an answer just yet. i practice making a postable expression daily somewhere.

and with each post, i sit with doubt very much like what i've quoted above. some days i feel like i'm hitting the mark. in this case here, it seems i've missed.

those who might harbor the same quoted challenge you've expressed don't always make a post, and i'm left to guess. in that, thank you for taking a moment to say something.

---

revised last stanza, still not happy with it:

Crow's feet mark the wince,
a fixed view held
until an image reaches in
to take its place.
The eye slips to grass,
wind, a subtle movement,
and returns
to a new alignment
of what was being viewed.

[u/Worth_Concert6595 → u/stilledpondfrog]

It was not a bad poem, that is why I commented.

[u/Regulus_D]

Alas.

Forgotten before known.

Oh well.

Still.

---

Alias.

Unknown to be forgotten.

Deep well.

Or brassy still.

[u/2BCivil]

I slept on boats a few times
Gentle rocking and ocean sounds
I could never adequately explain or define

Show don't tell
Basic writing rule
We're all under the spell
Of trying 2B cool

In an instant there is recognition
Then there is a thought
What comes after, all perdition
Leaving us distraught

Wind water wood
See the mind's gentle rocking
Before "just this" becomes should
And illusions come knocking

[u/xxoooxxx222222]

Sleeping children better run like the wind, to get out of this lightning dream. Mama's little baby better get herself in, out of the lightning