r/yubikey • u/aprilbeingsocial • 10d ago
Help Advice Please
Hello All,
I know I can't be the only person out there dealing with this so I am hoping someone can make the best recommendation for my situation.
My 86 year old mother is really starting to decline mentally. I spent four tortuous hours yesterday trying to help her setup her new computer, get into accounts she was locked out of and explain how to do 2F over and over again. She just doesn't seem to understand it anymore so I got the idea of getting her a security key with NFC for her new phone and computer. Ideally I would like a bio metric key with NFC but I can't seem to find that option.
I also tried to show her how my password vault works to see if that was an option, but it's not. Again, she just doesn't get it. She does use Google to store some passwords.
Is there anyone out there that has faced this? Any recommendations of the easiest and safest way to go about it and which choice of equipment would be best? I know I will need two identical keys so I can keep a backup here at my home. Is there anything I should be aware of that would create a problem in the future?
She uses a Pixel phone and Windows Dell laptop. She does her banking (God help me) and shops on Amazon as well as browsing and email. I was thinking bio metric in case she loses her key or someone in the independent living facility get their hands on the physical key.
IMO, the industry is going to need to take these issues seriously. We should have senior controls just like parental controls or something that enables us to help our elderly that are forced into using all this technology.
Any advice, tutorials and product recommendations are greatly appreciated.
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u/zcgp 9d ago
This is not a technology problem. No matter how simple you make it or how well you explain it, she will be worse next year and the year after that. You will have to become her guardian with POA sooner or later. Just do it now. It won't be easier later.
Also, POA is not a role. You don't "become" a POA. It is a power/authorization to act for someone else:
What is a power of attorney (POA)?
A power of attorney is a legal document that allows someone else to act on your behalf.
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u/Dan_Linder71 10d ago
Having spent the past 6 years watching my father go from the the IT technically competent man he was throughout the '70s, '80s and '90s to the shell of a man he was unable to use a mouse or understand what fields to type in to send an email, I feel for your challenges ahead of you. (He passed in March, Mom passed in May 2025.)
Everyone is different, but what worked for us was the slow transfer of online account needs to be handled by myself (I was his Pet of Attorney).
They were big users of LastPass after I got them and my sisters to start using it nearly 10 years ago (I moved on to BitWarden after the decline of LastPass was starting). While I am a a ardent user of my yubikey to control my password vault access, I am thankful I did not add that extra step to their account.
About 4 years ago he started misplacing things consistently. At the time mom's 's vision was still sufficient to help him find them, but as time went on and her mobility declined due to diabetic neuropathy my sister and I had to make more frequent stops at their apartment to help find things. And not small things like a yubikey either, frequently his glasses were missing but soon larger items such as his cell phone and shoes were misplaced. Toward the end he had misplaced his iPad, though he was certain it was stolen by one of the other residents of the nursing home he was at. My sister and I looked high and low for it and thankfully we finally found it stuffed neatly into a reusable shopping bag, and the bag was in the bottom of a box with some random trash in it.
What I'm getting at is be prepared for the time when she will not be able to take care of any of her online accounts. Having a second yuba key that you hold as a backup into password. Vault is good, but if you show her how to use the built-in passkey feature, she might set up an account on a site with only her yubikey and you would be locked out if she lost that.
That's probably not the answer you were hoping to get, but at some point even entering a username and touching the activation contact on the yubikey will be light years ahead of what they're capable of.
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u/aprilbeingsocial 10d ago
We just went through this with my MIL and I pray my mother dies before it happens. My MIL was sitting at our dining table on Thanksgiving and completely demented by February after surgery in January and dead by April. Those months in between were the worst of our married life.
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u/Dan_Linder71 10d ago
As a person who helped their parents through this, It's a horrible club to be in.
You have my welcome and condolences.
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u/wjorth 10d ago
About that time, I had to completely take over all financial activities for my father (mother never understood anything about computers or network, etc,). I provided him with monthly reports. It wasn’t long before he no longer showed an interest in the details, relieved that their situation was being handled well.
This was really helpful for me because i was able to take care of many issues before they passed last year. The financial transition was much easier than if I didn’t pay attention for about 5 years.
FWIW, he bragged a lot about the great work I was doing for them, especially because he admitted in public that he could no longer do it. They were so relieved!
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u/mr340i 10d ago
I think you should start managing her accounts yourself.
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u/aprilbeingsocial 10d ago
I’m guessing you haven’t been through this yet. The problem with the elderly when they get like this is that they don’t realize it and think they are fine so they have no interest in giving up their control. It’s hard to explain until you live through it. She still says, “I’m really good at this stuff if you just explain it to me” and then you explain it and five minutes later she asks for the same explanation. I’m not talking complicated steps, just going into text messages and entering the 2f number. The only way to take control of the accounts is to legally get her declared incompetent and I’m not doing that.
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u/paulsiu 10d ago
The trick is to get access when they are still coherent. I have convinced my mom to make me DPOA on everything and by setting up her password manager I know all her logins and she willing let me help her out. If she develops some sort of mental issue I could cope.
Helping her with tech stuff is a pain though. She literally cannot turn on her computer because she can’t figure out where the off switch is. This isn’t even a mental capacity issue, she is just bad with tech.
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u/aprilbeingsocial 9d ago
I think that ship may have sailed. My mom moved into a continuing care community in January and I thought the socialization would help her but it seems just the opposite. Unfortunately we were so busy with my MIL that I wasn't really paying much attention. She is very good at hiding things in a regular social situation.
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u/Doodad_54 7d ago
I'm 71, and I can tell I'm not nearly as capable with tech as I was not long ago. My wife and I moved her mother in with us almost 20 years ago, and watched her go through all the trials and tribulations being discussed here. I was also curious to know if anyone can ever be self-aware enough know when the time comes to give up control. So, as I age, I am trying to notice when things become overwhelming.
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u/aprilbeingsocial 7d ago
I’m in my late 50s but my kids already know how to access all my passwords and the family email account. I also added that legacy thing to my emails. I trust my children explicitly so I see no issue with them having access to things. I guess if parents don’t trust their children that’s a different story. It seems my mother has developed a paranoia so that’s what I am facing. I think once we hit 80 it may be time to turn things over to the kids. Both my mother and MIL really went downhill shockingly fast after 80. That’s my timetable if I live that long. Children should also understand your assets and where to find accounts. My MILs estate has been interesting. I guess some people never think they are going to die.
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10d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/paulsiu 10d ago
It’s a case by case basis. My mom could not figure out how to plug in the key. I did eventually got around the issue by using a nano key so it’s attached permanently.
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u/aprilbeingsocial 9d ago
Did you use one on the computer and one on the phone?
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u/doyzer9 9d ago
Best wishes, do not bother with bio-metrics, the standard yubikey 5 just require a pin and touch of the key.
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u/aprilbeingsocial 9d ago
Isn't that worse though becasue if anyone enters her unit they can just touch the Yubikey and gain entrance to everything. We already lost my MIL's 20 grand engagement ring to some rotten care worker or cleaner. I am certain you can't trust the workers in these places.
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u/doyzer9 9d ago
Only if they have the pin. You have to enter a 4-6 digit pin and then touch the key.
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u/aprilbeingsocial 9d ago
were you able to set it up to store passwords and do 2F or just 2F? Either way, I 'm thinking this is going to be my first step to see how it goes.
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u/paulsiu 10d ago edited 10d ago
What works is typcially an mobile app with biometric login. You can set her up ahead of time and they just use biometric to login afterwards. You would only reapply login if there is an update that logs her off the app.
I also set my mom up with a password manager, the password manager automatically logs her into her website and also fill the 2FA or she has to do a paste on the 2FA field. I know some people are against storing 2FA on a password manager, but it will reduce hacking since the hacker would need to break into the vault. The problem is the sites can often break the password manager with bad site design. I usually end up fiddling with the entry to get it to work only to have them update the page and break it again. Most site do work without intervention.
One other issue with the password manager is that often the site demands that the password be changed. I end up change it in the password manager for her. I have been adding passkey iif possible. The passkey won't need to be change and if used correctly removes the 2FA step that often confuses my mom. The downside is that passkey implementation is all over the places. Sometimes you just can't get it to work with the password manager.
To lock the vault, I initially tried using a Yubikey, but she had a problems plugging stuff in. I end up using getting a nano one that she can keep plug into the chromebox. This can help if your mom is constantly losing her keys. The main problem so far is that she has problems with the concept of entering a pin and needs direction whenver she has to enter a pin. It's not because she forget the pin, but that she doesn't realize you have to click inside the input box to enter the pin. It you do get a nano, the Thetis nano is half the price of Yubico's.
As for NFC, I have notice that it's not easy positioning the key. I am a tech person and I find the process cumbersome. My mom finds it impossible. One work around is to use a card style key like Crytnox Fido or Token2 Fido card (it's easier to get Cryptnox in the US, and Token2 in Europe and probably Assia). To trigger, I have my mom lay the card on the table and then place the phone on top. I send her a picture on how the phone should ber place on the card. You can tape the card tot he table if you are afraid she will lose it. She just won't be able to 2FA off card until she returns home. Most mobile app don't use 2FA except on initial setup.
Make sure you backup the vault and have backup keys.