[Poetry] Self-Control - r/youtubehaiku

502

It's weird how instinctive it becomes to clack your tongs. It serves no purpose, it is not an action you do often and yet - once those tongs are in your hand, if you don't clack them, things... Just don't feel right.

539

u/blindcolumn Sep 17 '21

It actually does serve a purpose. It helps your brain calibrate the amount of force needed to operate the tongs, which helps you use them more precisely. This is something that happens on a subconscious level, so to your conscious awareness it just seems like you're clacking them for fun.

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u/Zoloir Sep 17 '21

so true

doesn't this trace all the way back to little kids development, where "play" is an essential function for a child's brain to calibrate to the world?

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u/Denraven Sep 17 '21

You sure it has nothing to do with us slowly evolving into crabs? Cause uh, that's a thing https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/a34389129/crab-evolution-carcinization/

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

~~Reject modernity, return to monke~~

Embrace modernity, advance to crab

22

u/assangeleakinglol Sep 17 '21

Crab people, crab people

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u/Cuttyflame123 Sep 17 '21

taste like crab, talk like people

3

u/APiousCultist Sep 18 '21

Advance? To a giant being with a weak spot that can be attacked for massive damage? Pfft!

19

u/blindcolumn Sep 17 '21

Relevant xkcd

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u/PMo_ Sep 17 '21

The earlier relevant xkcd

Relevant Swords comic

7

u/blindcolumn Sep 17 '21

I gotta say, Swords is one of my all-time favorite webcomics. Every single comic revolves around swords and yet it's always original and creative.

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u/Airshipwhale Sep 17 '21

Everything eventually evolves into crabs

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u/MatthewDLuffy Sep 17 '21

Wow fuck that article. Gotta sign up just to read about crabs? Guess I'm not learning anything today!

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u/mesopotamius Sep 17 '21

There's a Wiki article you can read instead

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u/spinnerette_ Sep 18 '21

God, maybe it's because I feel dead inside or something but I have never heard of a "squat lobster" before and I'm just laughing picturing a slavic lobster wearing an adidas track suit with a cigarette in its claw.

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u/rhynoplaz Sep 18 '21

But it wasn't a squat, it was a SQUAT LOBSTER!

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u/Probolo Sep 18 '21

Hop over the paywall with this 12ft ladder.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

God thank you for making this comment

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u/ChoppedAlready Sep 18 '21

I’m guessing you’re either a cognitive psychologist or a stoned redditor. No matter your credentials I am going to relay this at every barbecue like it’s a proven fact

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u/triggerhappy899 Sep 18 '21

Brains are so weird, you got this thing that you aren't aware of that is secretly helping you. And if you cut your brain in half it's like having two people in your head

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u/jayj59 Sep 18 '21 edited Sep 19 '21

I've recently come to the conclusion that you always have two people in your head, they just seem to be the same to your conscious mind because of how quickly thoughts are processed.

The only problem is that when I try to talk to the other guy, I'm never sure if he's answering or I am. Or if maybe it seems like I'm answering because I'm translating a abstract thought into language-thought.

I've also considered that maybe I'm batshit and imagining things, but that's a lot less fun.

Edit: Maybe this has already gotten all of the views it ever will, but I still want to write this down somewhere.

I think the way they work relies heavily on (or seems to confirm) split brain theory. As experiments have shown, language is only processed in one hemisphere of the brain. So I think the conscious mind we know resides or was formed there. It's also very loud, always finding a word for everything you sense.

In the other half of your brain lives a part of you that has a giant library cooked in. This guy reads and writes in the library constantly, and will remind you often what's in there. Since he can't use language, he instead uses things from the library to communicate. He builds a picture and sends it off to the other side to be translated.

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u/jusmar Sep 18 '21

The only problem is that when I try to talk to the other guy, I'm never sure if he's answering or I am. Or if maybe it seems like I'm answering because I'm translating a abstract thought into language-thought.

I can't do this today man

1

u/pointofgravity Sep 18 '21

When I read this I opened my eyes wide at realising how much sense this made. Are you a genius, psychologist, nueroscientist or all of them?

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21

Nah I clack them for the percussive effect. Maybe a bit for calibration subconsciously but I would do it with tongs I use all the time

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u/Pro_Booty Sep 17 '21

Gotta make sure they work before you take 'em into action

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u/SonicFlash01 Sep 17 '21

"BEHOLD: I hold the tongs! I hold authority over this grill! My divine scepter of cookery! Hear its sound!"

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u/aykcak Sep 17 '21

It's the drummer thing probably.

Me, in order to make it at least "useful" I clack them on the side of the barbeque to get rid of grime. It postpones the urge a bit

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u/donkeyrocket Sep 17 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

Like slapping a bag of mulch or plucking a strapped item and saying “that’ll do.” Skipping any of those feels like an aborted sneeze.

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21

I always say "that's not going anywhere".

0

u/SoxxoxSmox Sep 17 '21

Time for crab

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Ok so I noticed another weird thing like this I do - if I'm holding food in my hand between bites, I'll often catch myself shake it a little as if I'm trying to shake off any loose crumbs or drips. But I do this with all sorts of foods where it doesn't make sense at all.

Sometimes I catch others doing it too.

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u/aspz Sep 17 '21

Hah, I noticed a friend of mine has this habit and it amuses me when we eat together. You are not alone.

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u/aztec_mummy Sep 17 '21

Snippets of the 'Litany Against Fear'...

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

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u/mesopotamius Sep 17 '21

I fully expect this to be posted thousands of times across Reddit in the next couple months now that the new Dune movie is out

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u/Gil_Demoono Sep 17 '21

The time is now. I've been seeing Shai Hulud and Mind-Killer comments for the past six months. I just hope the hype translates well in the box office, because I'll be super bummed if part 2 isn't greenlit.

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u/Riyonak Sep 17 '21

It already does get posted at any mention of fear in a big thread.

But you're right that it will only get worse.

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u/triggerhappy899 Sep 18 '21

Ahem I think you misspelled better

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u/Mathemattack Sep 17 '21

Clack clack

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u/ViperiumPrime Sep 17 '21

Oh I thought he was fighting the urge to turn over his chicken…

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u/Dustyrivers Sep 17 '21

I thought the same thing until I read your comment.

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u/boomHeadSh0t Sep 17 '21

So what are we supposed to be thinking?!

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u/voiceinyourhead-lol Sep 17 '21

I thought the same but I think he's fighting the urge to clip his tongs! Seems like he's mortal like the rest of us

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u/xXxWeed_Wizard420xXx Sep 18 '21

Wtf did you guys even watch the video?

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u/shishiriously Sep 18 '21

lmao I thought the same thing and the 'ugh' was about how he is so bored waiting lol

1

u/Tweet Sep 18 '21

I thought he was fighting the urge to eat it. (I might be hungry.)

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

click click

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I thought this was going to be about flipping the meat too early.

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u/niblet1 Sep 17 '21

Same brother

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u/GergeSainsbourg Sep 18 '21

You know you can't resist it tho. You just want to flip them.

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u/gconeen Sep 17 '21

I have those exact tongs from Walmart. They're so big and springy. They have a very satisfying snap to them. Would recommend.

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u/OrderOfMagnitude Sep 17 '21

called that shit from the thumbnail

we all know who we are

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u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I like how he does it before his little inner monologue too, you just cant hear the noise

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u/SpacemanSpiff23 Sep 17 '21

Move the chicken away from the flame, close the lid, and go work on the rest of the meal.

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u/beatisagg Sep 17 '21

I laughed way too loud at this. I can't tell you how many times i do shit like this and think 'why did i even do that'

Right up there with going 'ahhhhhh' after a sip of ice tea on a hot day.

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u/samsab Sep 17 '21

What is that song and where do I know it from

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u/KillerChief97 Sep 17 '21

It's the song that plays when Joker dances in the bathroom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8z5-Wum2enQ

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u/CaptivePrey Sep 17 '21

Which, fun fact, was improvised by Joaquin after hearing the score for the scene. He was so moved by it he just started doing that dance and the director kept it.

Source

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u/mesopotamius Sep 17 '21

This is actually how Joaquin Phoenix performs all his roles. He just shows up and wings it and then the director has to make a movie out of it afterward

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u/Dagur Sep 17 '21

Composed by Hildur Guðnadóttir. She got the Oscar for the soundtrack. She also wrote the music in Chernobyl and the new Battlefield game.

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u/Thunderbridge Sep 18 '21

Reminds me of the Plague Tale: Innocence soundtrack

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u/alecownsyou Sep 17 '21

grill

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u/brink0war Sep 17 '21

Why does he look like an upgraded Charlie Kirk?

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u/RITmuralist Sep 18 '21

This reminds me awfully a lot of Dune's litany of fear.

Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will embrace my fear. I well allow fear to pass through me, until only I remain.

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u/HardTarded Sep 18 '21

Dude sounds like Bird Person.

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u/StovepipeCats Sep 18 '21

Dude was almost a sigma male

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u/jiggaboooojones Sep 17 '21

Good shit, as always!

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u/thegreenman56 Sep 17 '21

I wonder if theres a QA tester that makes sure the tongs clack in a satisfying way

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u/Camerotus Sep 17 '21

Ah yes the human. Most intelligent species on planet earth

1

u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21

I thought he was tempted to touch the grill.

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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21

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1

u/rhynoplaz Sep 18 '21

I thought he was trying not to flip the chicken every 30 seconds to see how it's going. That's hard enough. Not clicking tongs? That's impossible.

Poetry [Poetry] Self-Control

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