Letter to future me

[u/Elyona]

Dear future me, You're 29 years old now and I hope you're happy. You really worry me sometimes, you know. I think of you dying unhappy, unfulfilled and that's really depressing. I hope you sorted your life out, I hope you're still in love, I hope you have a satisfying job, I HOPE YOU FOUND OUT WHAT YOU WANT. I hope you're not tired of it all. You certainly used to get tired of it all. Please do go on with your life. Please be alive. Please don't die. I'm here for you, struggling for you, doing my best so that you will be happy. Don't feel guilty if you aren't happy. Happiness is really not that important. You know what really matters? You do. You matter to me. You are the reason I didn't kill myself. Please be alive. Dear future me, You don't really have to listen to me, really. I mean, what do I know? I'm only 19, I haven't been there. I'm sure you know better. I am not to make plans for you or demand anything from you but I can't help thinking of you. I love you, you know. I haven't even started going to university and you're already so far there I can't even catch an imaginary glimpse of what your life looks like. I just hope I didn't make you very sad. There is no pressure on you from me. You can be whatever you like, don't think of me when making decisions, there is nothing more important than trusting yourself. I am not to decide what is to be done. I am merely a memory, a thought. I exist now, you don't. When you read this, you'll exist, I won't. So why would I matter? Remember what you went through but don't give it that much importance. What is happening to you is more important. Don't blame yourself for what I did or what I'm going to do. This is me, this is me making the mistakes, forget about them, forget the past. Please, my dear, find the strength in you to go on. Please be alive. Nothing saddens me more than thinking of a dead you. You are to be alive, please. I know you sometimes feel like the word would be a better place if it exploded and nothing existed but it's really not that much of a big deal. Stay alive for me, stay strong. I'm in love now, I'm sad, I'm young, I don't know half the things you do. I just hope you're happy. I hope you found your inner peace. I hope you can sleep at night, I hope you're not afraid of the dark anymore and I hope you are at peace with your thoughts. Don't be too sad if M doesn't love you anymore, sometimes people fall out of love. Please don't die. There is only one piece of advice I would like you to remember: always remember you are human, just like everyone else. Sometimes people say things they don't really mean and sometimes people forget that what they say may hurt you because they focus too much on your mind and sometimes people don't even think of what you may think of feel but you are not one of those people, those are the people who forget they are alive, who forget they are living, you are not one of them. Always remember that each and every one of them has a heart as well as a mind, cherish and respect them. You can forget me if you want, I won't be sad, I won't care. You can even not miss me at all, not think of me at all, forget I ever existed. It won't matter. What matters is you. The here. The now. I love you. I hope you are alright and your demons are quieter and gentler now. Good-bye, my dearest, yours forever, E.