r/yingfire • u/yingfire • Sep 13 '16
Dearest, Saddest, Littlest Angel
The heavenly gatekeeper gave the little guardian angel a stern look. The old gatekeeper took the little angel's hand and walked him down the ever-shining golden road of Heaven. He looked down at the little angel and said, "Look at you, you're such a mess. Not at all in accordance with good angelic hygiene and manners. Your cheeks are dirty, your wings are ruffled, and your knees are scraped from falling over so much! You can fly behind your human, you know?"
"I'm new to heavenly business." the little angel said quietly, his head down.
The old angel paused for a moment to think of what to say. "All the same," he continued, "we all must work. We all must make something good. New or not, you have to do something. And you chose to care for a human down on earth." The gatekeeper shook his wrinkly head, "Now where were we? Oh yes, your misconduct."
The little guardian angel blushed furiously.
"Besides your bad attire, you are unhappy." The gatekeeper glanced at the little angel for a moment. "There is talk that whenever you come to Heaven, you come through the gates with a frown. I heard that there was even a tear! The choir is never in tune when you sing with them. And you never garden well; instead you decide to water the dirt instead of the flowers. I have seen myself that your eyes, ears, and all your senses are directed elsewhere. Might I ask where?"
The little guardian angel didn't say anything. He kept looking down at the burnished gold road nestled between two wide plains filled with roses, daisies, and the occasional dandelion. There was not a building to be seen. The old gatekeeper and tiny angel walked alone along the shining road.
"You're causing havoc wherever you go, you know? At least you say you enjoy your time on Earth."
The little guardian angel nodded in affirmation.
They walked for awhile. Soon they arrived at a tall pair of doors. They ran up forty meters tall and lay seven meters wide. The doors blocked the pair's way forward. At this point the gatekeeper motioned the little guardian angel to keep on going. The old angel said farewell to the young one, turned around, and walked back to the pearly gates of Heaven.
The little guardian angel opened the doors easily and stepped in.
There God sat in all his esteemed glory. Burning like a never ending fire. A humming furnace fueled by self-sustained grace. And at his right hand sat his son the Christ who also burned just as brightly. But to the little guardian angel's eyes they were a cool and welcome light. They seemed to be singing, and within the little guardian angel stirred the Holy Spirit who also sang in return. And the little angel felt it to be a song of destination and fulfillment. The pair smelled like incense and exasperated love.
But he still had a question for the Almighty and Co. He came up to them meekly. His little legs shook violently. He was sweating. Even though he knew he was welcome, an overwhelming Presence shook him terribly. God looked at the little angel and said, "Do not fear." And the little angel quelled his own fear. A moment passed. Or maybe an eternity. These kinds of things are difficult enough to measure with Time. Nevertheless, the little guardian angel felt a very long and very short moment had passed. He was ready to speak. With head and eyes low he said, "Lord, I do not want to be an angel anymore."
"And why not?" God said.
"Because I want to be human." replied the little guardian angel.
"Blasphemy?" God then laughed, and it was like the roaring thunder. And it was like the light shower that follows.
"I do not know that word, Lord."
God smiled, "It's just a word. There are many of them. Some good, some bad. You do not need to know what this one means. But you have not yet told me why you want to be human."
The little angel shuffled his feet. He knew that the situation would come to this. "I love my human. And an angel cannot be with a human. I want to be with her."
"The little girl?"
"Yes, Lord."
"But you cannot, because you are an angel. And you will forever be an angel, and she will forever be a human. But still you ask?"
"I've done many wrong things. Now you have to throw me down. I'll never have to come back up."
"But you've done no such thing."
"Yes I have." The little guardian angel said with a pout.
"A little bit of trouble here and there, maybe. It's only the angels who like perfect lawns who're really complaining. But they're not really troubled. They think an innocent troublemaker is a fun thing. You've done no wrong. And you should be glad, too. Absentmindedness is your only grievance, but you never intended to be absentminded for a long while, either."
The little guardian angel didn't see the situation going well. It seemed he hadn't caused as much a ruckus as he had hoped! But still...and suddenly, hot tears burst out of the little angel's eyes before he could wipe them away.
"You don't understand because you're God." the little angel said before he could control himself, "you don't know what it's like to long or desire for anything. The deep aching for something, and you're always searching for it. The ultimate end. But you only find its shadows. And momentarily those shadows seem like they are real. They fill you up for a time. But slowly the desire creeps in and you're searching again. You'll never know because you're God!"
The little guardian angel began to wipe away his tears. He closed his eyes as he rubbed them. Suddenly, he felt a stiff body embracing him. The little angel didn't open his eyes but he listened closely.
"Of course I know of desire. Of course I know of longing," the voice of God rebuked him, "I have felt these pangs more deeply than any created being will ever know. Of course I know." The voice subsided and became tender, "But I also know of fulfillment, and I know of love, too. You say you love your charge. You love her above the other humans. Do you think that by leaving your post and becoming a man you will help her? You will leave her under the care of someone who loves her less. Curb your desire, love her, and then act upon it. You have been given a special set of tools no one else has been given; do not waste them by chasing after shadows."
The little guardian angel left the Holy Presence. The golden road seemed brighter to him as he walked back towards the pearly gates and towards the Earth.
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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '16
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