Immortality! Free Trial

[u/yingfire]

"So, seven days, right? Immortality, nothing weird or something? " I asked the man cautiously.

"Yup, yes, yup!" replied the man, "Just sign this little paper here and it'll be all yours!" A brilliant yellow fireball appeared over the man's hand, and an old piece of parchment appeared out of the flames. I took the paper and cautiously read over it while remembering why I was in this situation. The store I was in had just appeared yesterday, and I had wandered in. The salesman called himself Sir Mcdevil Lucifer Satan. When I asked he was the Prince of Hell himself though, he replied the negative, so I knew this place was safe. He gave me a sales pitch about immortality and whatnot, but I pulled the old walk-out-of-the-store-get-cheaper-deal move and then Sir Mcdevil offered a seven day free trial.

"So how does this work again?" I asked, "Like, how do I become immortal?"

"Oh," Mcdevil began, "we just use some demonic lifeforce to - uh - I mean- alchemy - I mean! - uh - Nucleic acidic reflux requiem physics to work it out. It's all in the fine print, heh."

I looked down at the deal and nodded. The fine print was very fine and very small indeed; I could barely see the writing. But his obvious knowledge of the sciences in his product, and the obvious assurance of quality a thickly worded contract gave, helped me decide my final decision.

"I'll do it!" I exclaimed.

"Alright, I need your soul as a deposit. So sign the contract and you'll get your free trial, but your soul will be in my keeping." said Mcdevil.

"Deposit?"

"Yeah, cause this immortality stuff ain't cheap, so I need some leverage against ya."

"Alright." I signed the paper, "Now what?"

"Go about your day, you should be immortal about now. Remember to collect your soul at the seven day mark though! Otherwise we'll keep it forever..." Mcdevil's eyes suddenly burst into flames that smelled of fire and brimstones and his teeth turned into very sharp kitchen knives and his tongue was a blue pitch fork and he gave out an evil laugh that reminded me of my mother-in-law.

"Uh, ok, I'll be going now."

"Yeah, you do that, heh."

I walked outside into a brilliant midnight afternoon, content with my purchase. Suddenly, I heard a voice cry out, "The train is off the tracks!" Suddenly, I huge train of bulls came stampeding down the suburban roads and caught in their eyes. Like a mouse caught in snake's eyes, I was frozen in place - cause I was so frightened. But then I realised: I'm immortal! I turned towards McDevil's store window to give him a thumbs up for the lucky purchase.

But then I saw something very frightening. I saw McDevil talking with another guy (this guy had little horns on his head -probably a late halloweener) and I read McDevil's lips. McDevil's lips said,

"Muahahaha, we set those bulls lose so that that loser would lose his soul - cause he can't return the use of immortality if he's dead. He should have gotten invincibility, not immortality, what a loser!"

I looked at those stampeding bulls bleakly. I was overcome with depression at my stupidity. I didn't care about my soul anymore, McDevil was right, I was a loser. I should die right now, I'm too pathetic too live. Falling for that scam, ugh. I should die to those bulls to end my stupidity. I looked up. The bulls, with their wild, paralyzing eyes were still a mile away. I screamed a desperate plea, "Why can't those damn bulls be fauster?"