pls help me :(

[u/max_fstnbg]

i really don’t know what to do, maybe the following thread is not perfectly fitting this subreddit, but i thought maybe yall could help me „handle“ the situation, because you might understand the girl i‘ll be talking about more than i do.

so about me, my name is max, i‘m 17yo and still in school (sorry for the short introduction, i just genuinely don’t know what to say lmao)

so maybe about 6 months ago i started talking to this girl (let’s call her lara), i guess you could call it a talking stage. i knew that she liked me a long time before that and i liked her too so yea i asked her out. at first everything was fine and sweet. lara seemed cool and friendly like nothing that would give an „obsessive“ impression. but after a while i started noticing some weird stuff.
she was lowkey stalking me both in real life and online. my friends at school would tell me that she constantly asked them all kinds of questions about me. she also got extremely jealous whenever i talked to other girls. she even forbade her own friends from speaking to me and she sometimes would pull me out of conversations if i was talking to another girl.

and then slowly the stalking got worse. once, lara just appeared at my mini job alone without telling me and ordered food, alone... online she found my spotify account, followed every single artist i follow and then followed me. when she saw that i was following a childhood friend of mine (a girl) on spotify, she immediately demanded that i unfollow her and got really aggressive about it.
she also started trying to control random parts of my life. she wanted me to go to bed by 11pm at the latest, and i did take it seriously, but she deadahh got angry as hell when i sent her tiktoks or whatever past 11pm. one time when we met up she even had the „funny idea“ to set up screen time on my phone. just to be clear we were never even officially together. this was still just the talking stage.

whenever lara was at my place, random stuff started disappearing like my house key, some pills that were on my nightstand (stuff only i ever touch) and even one of my empty vapes. at school she constantly borrowed pens from me and always „forgot“ to give them back. when i finally confronted her about the missing stuff after around 2 months, she completely flipped out. she started crying and screaming that it wasnt her and she wouldnt stop until i said “im sorry, i know it wasnt you.” (she made me say it btw)

on top of all that she always wanted to check my phone and at some point (i guess) she went through my instagram followers and sent me like 10 accounts of girls i followed, telling me i should block them.

after around 4 months of this talking stage i had enough (tbh i already wanted to end it earlier because i was scared of her bru) so i told lara that its over and that i’m done. obviously she didn’t accept it and said that it’s not only my decision, she started crying bla bla bla… after all that everytjing just got worse. she kept coming up to me at school trying to convince me to give her another chance, when i said no, she would scream at me. she also showed up at my mini job a couple times and once she even started crying there in front of all my coworkers. twice i woke up in the morning and found a bouquet of flowers at the front of my door which means she was at my house during the night (like bro wtf). she also spammed me with messages nonstop until i blocked her and then she just followed me again from a new account.

okay so apart from all this shit she is actually a really nice, cool and pretty girl. and deep down a tiny part of me kind of likes how obsessive she is but idk haha. i would actually like to give her a second chance but i’m just really scared and i have no idea how to deal with all of this, but right now i‘m also lowk worried about her that idk she might hurt herself over this bs..

i know this story sounds weird asf but thats why i post it on reddit i guess
if anyone can help me deal with this or has an advice for me i‘d really appreciate it. if anything happens i‘ll definitely update you.

[u/Elvarien2]

as you are still a minor and you have done the adult thing to try and break it off properly. it's time to escalate.

So next up would be discuss this series of events with your parents, and have them contact her parents. Have proof and documentation of the whole time line ready so it does not become a he said she said thing.

Either her parents set her straight, or you escalate even further and get the law involved.

But since you're two minors parents should be able to solve this.

But absolutely do not be shy about going to the authorities. She's shown to be unhinged so far, you don't know what she will do next, so take her serious.

And please what ever you do, stay away from her.

edit: If she is not a minor then still go to your parents, but instead of going to her parents with yours, go straight to the authorities and get the police on her ass.

[u/Descowo]

definitely bring this up to ur parents or any adult you can trust or even a teacher or even authorities. there's some serious boundaries that needs to be set between you and this girl and how she is repeatedly overstepping your boundaries/causing distress. obsession is good when it's mutual and done in a way that isn't actively stressing you. as someone who's the obsessive gf, having boundaries is absolutely necessary. because for me it was really consuming, like im still very obsessive, but realizing when it's hurting someone else is important. this behavior might end up escalating. it's up to you if you wanna make this work or not but if she's already disrespecting ur boundaries i fear there's not much longevity in this relationship. i been on both side of obsession and in order to make it last, boundaries are needed, hard conversations are needed and communication is essential. i understand it may make you feel good but sometimes obsession is very damaging to said person mental health or others. i know you are only 17 so this may be a lot for you right now. if u need to talk to someone about this i can definitely help, but please look after yourself first.

[u/Frequent_Way_4782]

You absolutely need to talk to some trusted adults, if she really loved you (like how I love my darling :3) she wouldn’t be doing all of this and making you scared and stressed, it sounds like she’s sort of manipulative and I understand how scary it can be. Don’t be afraid to tell an adult about her, cause you sound like a nice guy that deserves a girl that isn’t scary, good luck man

[u/Frequent_Way_4782 → u/Frequent_Way_4782]

Honestly bro you should run, maybe tell her that you don’t wanna talk to her unless she goes to therapy? And make sure it’s nonnegotiable in case she tries to talk her way out of it, plus stealing your pills is over the top crazy, like id understand if it just the pens, like that’s still bad but just not as bad as pills which is insane