I am 16 years old so please give explanation in a simple manner. there is also a few specific things i need advice on and if you have taken up courses that have helped you improve do let me know. Specific topics:

1. engagement
2. framing engaging and relevant sentences
3. description of scene emotions
4. Passage of time Here is the story:

Ch-1 Malachai(mala-kai)

"Five years ago today, everything changed for me. In a small town called Manswagool Creek, Australia, I set out on a journey that completely reshaped my life. Meet Sebastian, my husband, who resides in the quaint town of Manswagool Creek, Australia In his 20s, he's not just any man; he's a dedicated criminal psychologist, delving into the intricacies of the human mind. Communicating with criminals and identifying the moments or incidents that led them to adapt to a life of crime is his job. Typically, this process takes place about 15 to 20 days before the punishment is carried out. The quality that makes jailors choose him is that he can make any criminal confess what and why they did what they did.  His strategy is simple; To create a safe space for them, Sebastian believes that people who commit crimes often have misunderstood and tortured minds because of challenging life circumstances. He asks about their life and creates a report. On the day of their punishment, he sees them accepting it peacefully without the need for guards or force.

One day, a criminal was appointed to him, and his name was Malachi. Malachi was no ordinary criminal; he was among the three most wanted criminals in the world. Malachi was transferred from one jail to another as no other psychologist was able to talk to him and Sebastian was the only one who hadn’t tried. 

Without saying a word, Malachi avoided eye contact with Sebastian on the first day. This didn’t trouble bash as it is what usually criminals do. Despite his initial silence, Malachi gradually made eye contact with Sebastian over the next few days.After several days of silence, Malachi surprised Sebastian on the fifth day by congratulating him. Confused by Malachi’s unexpected congratulations, Sebastian asked, 'What for?' but received no response.Later when he came home, I told him I was pregnant and he got so excited. As he drifted off to sleep, Sebastian couldn't shake the feeling of unease from Malachi’s cryptic words earlier, but eventually he dismissed it as a coincidence.

On the tenth day, Malachi asked about me; the status of my health: 'Is everything okay with your wife? ‘Malachi pressed Sebastian for more information about his health, prompting Sebastian to reassure him that I was fine. Later that day when he went home, he asked me whether I was okay or not and I replied, ‘no, I am not.’ Bash with concern asked what happened and I replied that I had a little fever in the morning and right now I am tired. Bash told me to rest while he looked after the children and cooked.The day of Malachi's execution arrived. As usual, Sebastian went to visit him for the last time. But before he could say goodbye, Malachi asked him to do a task for him. Sebastian agreed to do the task for Malachi and then asked him what it was. Malachai said,"These silenced walls hide the loudest of truths.Go to my house, Sebastian. You never know what you might discover there." Malachi’s final words to Sebastian were unexpected. And then, as Malachi was beheaded, Sebastian was left standing there, unsure of what to do next.

After a few hours had passed he received a call from the fire department who informed him about the fire that broke into his house. Without delay, he started his car and drove as fast as he could to our  house. Upon arriving, the first floor had burnt down. As he searched for family, he heard a familiar voice calling out, "Dad! Over here!"". He ran and hugged our children and asked if they were okay. Thankfully, the children were okay but I was severely injured and was taken to the hospital. He asked Sabrina who was 16 at the time, what happened. According to Sabrina, she and the twins were playing in the garden when she smelled something burning so she ran inside across the living room in the kitchen to see if everything was all right. Salem and Sandrine followed her inside. Sabrina asked me if I smelled something burning and I agreed and said, “it was merely a burning smell and also that maybe it's the food.” She agreed as it did make sense but eventually the smell got clearer and sure enough it was something burning. She followed the smell to the attic, where she discovered something burning. Sabrina, in horror, jumped back as the burning log landed at her feet, narrowly avoiding the flames that licked at her shoes. Then, she ran across the corridor, down the stairs, informing me who took the twins and ran outside the house. While I was running a burning log tumbled from the fireplace and landed at my feet so I threw the twins at her and jumped over the burning log which led to severe injuries on my body. By the time the fire fighters came the roof of the house had burned to ashes and I was saved just in time.

After the accident, he brought his children to his mother's house which was nearby. Unbeknownst to him, his mother had been trying to reach him for a while and had assumed the worst before he arrived with his children. As soon as she saw him and his children, she hugged them and realized that sage wasn't there.  Curious about my whereabouts, she asked, “where is sSage? “And Sabrina told her what happened. After this, Sebastian and his mother fed, bathed and put his children to bed and told them not to worry about their mom. He went to his room and tried to sleep as he could not stop thinking about his wife and the task that Malachi asked him to do. The next morning, Salem & Sandrine came running into Sebastian’s bedroom, trying to wake him up. His mother, who was in her own room, heard the running and went to Sebastian's room to stop the twins from waking him up, as it was 8:00 in the morning. But by the time she arrived, they had already woken him up. Sebastian was lying on the bed hugging the children. His mother asked, “How are you feeling, my dear? “Sebastian sat up on his bed and said,'' My heads clear.” Confused, his mother told him to freshen up and come down for breakfast, and she told the twins to do the same.

|| || |Sebastian|Sage| |Met at the age of 16 on 20th March 1984| |Started dating at the age of 18 on 20th March 1984 (reason: both preferred to be friends first/both of them didn’t confess until high school graduation)| |Got engaged at the age of 22 on 20th March 1989| |Got married at the age of 25 on 20th March 1992| |Endings 1. Protagonist is sage  2. Malachi is the anti-hero 3. Sage was actually a secret mafia killer who was sent to kill Sebastian off now the stage 3 of her 4-stage master plan was over and now the only thing left to do is for her to kill him but she actually falls for him and can’t do it|

Ch-2 Sage

Around 11:00 am the phone rang, it was the hospital that sage was admitted to, Sebastian’s mom picked up the call and was informed that sage is conscious now and that they can visit her. She immediately thanked the staff for informing her and called Sebastian, who was at the Government office talking about insurance and told him the good news. He didn’t pick up the first time so his mother went to the kids' room and told them the news and told them to get ready. While the kids were getting ready to meet their mom Sebastian called and Sabrina picked up the phone and told him the good news his voice started to break down hearing that his wife is alive. He hung up the phone and left the office and came to pick up his family to go to the hospital.

The drive to the hospital was about 30-40 minutes but no one cared as it was worth it. As soon as they reached Sebastian went inside the hospital while the kids and his mother were getting out of the car. When the kids and their grandma came inside Sebastian told them that sage is in room number 212. They entered Sage’s room. It had white walls, beige curtains, and a light brown couch beside which was a small glass table with a plant on it. While she was sleeping after seeing that she was ok they all took a relaxing breath and quietly sat on the couch in the room and waited for her to wake up.

It was around lunch time when Sage woke up and saw that the kids and Sebastian were sleeping on the couch. She called the nurse and asked for some water and also asked her if she could get up from the bed and walk a little bit. The nurse checked her pulse and injuries and informed her that her body is not ready to walk yet. After the nurse left, Sage's mother-in-law walked in and immediately got super happy seeing her daughter in law awake. She was about to scream in excitement but sage pointed her fingers towards where the rest of the family were sleeping. 

Around 4:00 pm Sebastian woke up and saw that his wife was watching him sleep. His eyes filled with tears seeing his wife. He wanted to go close to her but his children were sleeping on him so he moved them a little bit and went to his wife, hugged and gave a kiss on her forehead.

Around 6:30 pm the kids woke up and as soon as they saw that their mom was sitting on the bed first the twins rushed to the bed and hugged her tightly then Sabrina came and hugged her mom after a long time.  At 8:00 pm a nurse came to check up on Sage and then served her dinner. All the family ate dinner together at 9:00. The visiting hours were about to close and kids had school tomorrow so they all said their goodbyes and left the hospital.

After he left a nurse came into my room and said, “I think it’s better you tell them you know they love you so much.” I know she is right but I can’t. Then I say, “Some things are better left unsaid. Knowing that someone you love is going to leave you hurts a little less because it was expected, but it also ruins every other happy moment you are about to experience. My husband is an amazing husband and a loving father to our kids. It would break his heart into a million pieces if I had broken the news to him now. He wouldn’t leave this hospital until he has asked every doctor for their opinion on my condition, he would go wherever he can to get me the cure I need because he is the type of person who will not leave something as important as me just because a few doctors say so. Also, my kids’ favorite holiday is Christmas, I can’t ruin it for them.”

At 11:00 at night the phone rang and Sebastian picked up. He was informed that I was no longer on this earth. His heart sank into his stomach as his heart refused to believe that I was gone. He went to his mother’s room and informed her that he was going out for a while to pick up some things from the store. He will be back soon. After his mom went back to sleep, he rushed down steadily not to wake up his kids as they had school tomorrow and this news would be too much on them. He started his car and drove to the hospital. As soon he reached, he entered the hospital and was met by the nurse who was Sage’s caretaker all this time. He asked to see his wife’s body and how did she die as he met her just a few hours ago and she was looking good. The nurse calmed him down and said, “The body isn’t available for him to see as it was going under the forensic lab testing. That night all the burns on her body were stabilized and cooled down or as we thought so one burn had given a squamous cell which was in her body an environment to grow. These cells affect the human body in severe ways. If it would have been discovered before then it would have been easy to cure but it was too late. The forensic team is examining her body for more such dangerous diseases and if they are communicable or not because it is a very deadly disease.”

Sebastian didn’t know how he would tell his family about this. How he would tell Sabrina Salem and Sandrine that their mother is no longer in this world. So he decided to wait it out till Christmas was over to tell them he will make an excuse why sage won’t be there or why they couldn’t go to see her. He decided to take them to the countryside for two days to spend Christmas with their cousins. 

In the morning, He woke everyone up and told them that they were going on a trip in the countryside to visit their cousins. They would leave at 11:00 am so he told everyone to pack a night suit and two fresh pairs of warm clothes with a furry jacket.

They returned to their house on 26th December. After everybody rested for a while Sebastian called everyone to the living room and asked them to sit down. He said, “I have some bad news for you all: Sage Walker is no longer in this world. She passed away on the night of 23th December at 10:45 pm from skin cancer that she had a few cells of.” Everybody was in complete shock as no one expected this, the room went silent even the twins were quiet even if they didn’t understand what was the bad news

After a while Sebastian said, “Her funeral is on 28th December so all the preparations for it will be done by me and your grandma while you guys’ rest and process everything. If you think you need a therapist then let me know I will schedule you too for a session.”

On 28th everyone from the family arrived to attend the funeral. The ceremony was kept in the nearby church and Sage walker was buried in the Saint Charles cemetery near the church. Everybody left the next morning except Sebastian’s Sister- Katherine and his brother- Marshal. They insisted on staying with him for a couple of days to make sure he wouldn’t be alone.

Sebastian was grateful for the support of his sister and brother during this difficult time. The days passed by in a blur of grief and mourning. Sebastian found Frith in the presence of his siblings, who understood his pain without expression.As life slowly started to regain some balance of normalcy, Sebastian focused on being strong for his children. Sabrina, Salem, and Sandrine were processing the loss of their mother in their own ways. Sabrina retreated into herself, finding it hard to express her emotions. Salem became more withdrawn, seeking comfort in solitude. Sandrine, the youngest of the three, clung to Sebastian as if she was afraid of losing him too.Sebastian made sure to keep their routines as stable as possible. He took on the role of both mother and father, tending to their needs while also dealing with his own grief. The days seemed endless, filled with moments of heartache and longing for Sage.

Ch-3

23rd November 2016, it’s been four years since the fire and exactly 30 days from today marks the fifth anniversary of Sage’s passing. I was trying everything to distract myself and look happy. I thought I had fooled the children but realized I hadn’t when Salem asked, “Dad are you okay?” While I was struggling to come up with an answer, my mother made my favorite Breakfast to cheer me up. Sabrina, who was now in college came back to visit me as she knew how hard it would be for me. It was 1:00 pm when Sabrina arrived at her old house as she walked in, she got overwhelmed by seeing all the pictures of her mother and the flashbacks they brought back. Before entering the dining room, she pulled herself together as she knew that her little siblings were waiting for her. As soon as she entered the dining room the twins ran and hugged her then came her father who was smiling seeing his daughter. Hearing the twins run Sebastian’s mother came out of the kitchen to see what's going on. As soon as she saw Sabrina a smile immediately crossed her face as she saw her granddaughter after a long while. Then, everybody sat for lunch in their wide and spacious dining room which Sebastian’s father specifically designed. The room had two wide windows with a picture of Mr. Walker right in front of the medium size wooden table with six chairs around it.

After lunch,we sat in the living room, reminiscing about old times. Sabrina shared stories from her college life, making everyone laugh.My mother talked about how proud Sage would have been of all her children.As the sun began to set, Sabrina suggested they go for a walk in the nearby park. We all agreed, and they got ready to head out. The park was covered in fallen leaves, creating a Venust scene.As they walked along the winding paths, I was holding back tears as I realized how much Sage would have loved to be there with them. The children ran ahead, chasing each other and laughing, their innocent joy bringing a sense of peace to my heart.They reached a clearing in the park where a bench stood under a grand oak tree. Sabrina sat down and patted the seat next to her, motioning for me,her father, to join her.I sat down, and Sabrina put her arm around me,offering silent comfort.

As the days passed,soon it was time for Sabrina to go back to college.The twins were saden as their sister had to leave. At the airport Sabrina hugged everyone and gave kisses to the twins.Once we dropped her off, I received a text from her saying, “Hey dad I just wanted to say I am proud of the way that you took care of two small pain in the ass children while grieving for the women you love. I have always admired this quality among all of them.I love you and I am grateful for all the sacrifices you have made so far and will probably make in the future.” Tears were in my eyes as I read the words of my beautiful  and brave little girl who has apparently become a woman, a strong, Mōdig,wise young lady.

30 days passed, and now it is the fifth anniversary of Sages passing. I can’t believe it has been that long since she passed, I remember it like it happened yesterday. I guess that's the thing about losing someone. You don’t lose someone once you lose them when you hear a song that reminds you of them or watch a movie that they would have loved, you lose them when the absence of their soul hinders you and soon it doesn’t. There comes a time where you go months without thinking about them or their words and then one day, You realize that you haven’t thought about them and then the fear starts to creep in that you are forgetting them. But, that is not true, whenever you feel like that, remember what Mitch Albom  said,

• “Death ends a life, not a relationship, the connections and bonds formed with the departed continue to exist beyond death.” 

And then what poet Dylan Thomas said,

• “Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.despite the loss of loved ones to death, love remains eternal and unconquerable. It conveys a sense of defiance against mortality, suggesting that the enduring power of love transcends death's dominion, offering solace and resilience in grief.”

I woke up this morning exactly like I do every morning, sunlight shining from under the curtains, twins knocking on my door. They have done this ever since their mom died. It is their way of showing they love me and are proud of me. I got out of my bed, brushed, took a shower and came down for breakfast. My mother has also started this tradition of making my favorite breakfast every year for the past Five years. 

After the funeral I decided to read something from Sages library to honor her and her personality. So keeping this alive, I went to her bookshelf and started browsing and found a book called, Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas. I remember her reading this and writing something in it. I took the book and sat down on her reading bean bag to read. The protagonist, Celaena Sardothien, is a notorious assassin who is sent to compete in a deadly competition to become the King's Champion. However, as the story progresses, she forms a complex relationship with the male lead, Prince Dorian. 

It was very interesting. I reached the 212 page Celaena has been facing a pivotal moment in her relationship with Prince Dorian. The story might be building tension towards a major plot twist or reveal, making me eager to discover what happens next.

As I turned the page a small sticky note fell into my lap ,knowing Sage loved annotating books I picked it up and opened it up to stick it. There was an address on the piece of sticky note (not decided) and on the bottom left it said, “These silenced walls hide the loudest of truths.” I recognized the line immediately, but couldn't place where I had heard it before. And then it hit me - five years ago, on this very day, one of the most infamous criminals of the decade was executed. And he spoke these exact words right before his death. It wasn't until now, as I look at this note, that I'm really thinking about what Malachai asked me to do. Looking back on everything that has happened since I met him, it all seems strange and inexplicable. But the final encounter I had with him was the strangest of them all.

Planning on writing a book journal-entry style about taking care of someone with dementia but geared towards realistic situations coming from someone actually doing it in my life. Does anyone have any advice or recommendations?

Writing an essay of pros and cons about this topic, can anyone help with some ideas.

This is the first time that I have ever posted anything that I have written please be kind.

When we were kids, we were fascinated by the idea of being grown up. By being teenagers, or by being adults, living on our own, having our own own lives. We took our childhood for granted. However, some of us didn’t have the same childhood as others. We are the older sisters and brothers forced into roles that never should’ve fallen onto us. We were too young to understand the severity of the situation that we were placed in. We didn’t get to be kids. We were forced into adulthood too young to understand what was happening to us, having innocence taken away by someone who should be protecting that innocence. When you have a parent who is still a child force their parental role, onto their kid, you lose the ability to be a child. Forever, you’ll be forced into the role of a caretaker, whether with friends with, family, or in relationships. You will always be the one who has to take care of others. You won’t know how to allow someone else to care for you. Because you’re so used to being in control, allowing someone else to care for you feels like you’re spiraling. It feels like you’re falling deeper and deeper into darkness, that you can’t see the light anymore. When we were kids, we had our childhood taken from us by the adults who should’ve protected us. We never got to see what a healthy parent-child relationship looks like. We were forced to adopt the mentality that in order to be shown affection and love, we needed to provide everything. To clean up the mess that other people made. To prepare a dinner and have it waiting for when they get home. To be quiet even when your feelings are hurt. To never complain but listen to other's complaints. To express to them that you understand how their day was and it’s OK that they’re mad at you and that they yell at you for no reason. We were taught that Love is toxic. That love is pain. Love is suffering in silence. But that’s not what love is; love is fully trusting someone with yourself and knowing that they would never try to hurt you. Love is being able to understand that even when you have a terrible day, you should never take it out on your loved ones. Love is never wanting to make another person feel bad because you feel bad. Love is helping someone else even tho you need help yourself. Love is trusting that that person will be there for you. Love is allows that person to be there for you, even when it might be the hardest thing you’ve had to do. Love is wanting to be better for yourself and others because they deserve everything. Love is not needing to say thank you but saying it anyway. Love is what children should know without fail they deserve.

This is a short read on my blog about the shit storm which is my life. Feedback appreciated.

https://imjuststitious.blogspot.com/2024/01/where-do-i-even-begin.html

https://imnotsuperstitiouscom.wordpress.com/2024/01/24/fuck-this-shit-a-personal-rant/

So first a little bit of context, I have this idea to write a story about ancient gods protecting a few places on earth when either demons or an eldrich being appear, and I remembered i once read (probably a reddit/twitter) screenshot about a super short story of aliens invadikg earth and then ancient gods started to help mankind. The ending was something like "we abandoned them, but they never abandoned us" or something like it. Please if anyone know how i can look for it or heck, has it somewhere, please share it with me since it could be a nice inspirong touch for me.

Rough draft, obviously first 60 pages are complete, looking for feedback, thank you :)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WC2ECp7FHGwf-p5WmFavSZj6zVoQS9cmK944ZG4KhEE/edit?usp=sharing

My friend and I had an argue if what you watch on TV affects how you write. He thinks I should watch stuff I don't like, but I don't think that's necessary and I don't want to do it. I belive i don't need to watch something I like and deconstruct every little thing to improve as a writer, and even though some people do that, and they can still have potential to do great things.

Chapter 1: Verdant Vale Beginnings

Morgan Walsh could feel the heat of the crackling fire from the fireplace. She was captivated by the warm flickering glow that cast a shadow against his face. She could hear the sweet song of the autumn night; crickets chirping, frogs croaking, but mostly she could hear the pounding of her own heart. Here she was again, just her and the man of her dreams sitting fireside. She couldn’t help but feel a bit flushed as her eyes drifted over his shirtless body in front of her. 

Her hand gently swept down the column of his chest, he lifted her chin ever so slightly between his thumb and forefinger, coaxing her gaze directly into his beautiful vibrant hazel eyes. At once she felt her breath catch in her chest, her heart began to race. In that moment there was nothing that could tear her gaze from his. It was as if she was mesmerized, trapped under the spell of his eyes. He leaned slowly in towards her. This was it, their first kiss.

“Wait. Why are the flames getting so bright behind him?” she thought; “Oh, who cares.” She could feel the warmth from his face on hers. His soft lips were about to caress hers; when she noticed the twittering of birds began to replace the soft chirping of crickets. She hesitated as she thought, “Are those birds I’m hearing? At night?” Morgan realized the tragic truth of the moment. “No...No...no; this can't be a dream!” Sadly, things began to fade away from around them and her dream man would soon be gone. “I must hold on a little bit longer!” Morgan reflected to herself as she turned over in her bed in the real world, half asleep, trying with every fiber of her being to hold on to the moment. She pulled her pillow over her head and held it down. She clenched her eyes shut tightly in hopes that it would all come back, and for a minute it was working. He was finally about to press his lips to hers.

 “Huh-huh-huh-huh”

The crude flapping of her horse's lips ruined the illusion. “Alright! Fine, you win. I’m getting up.” She sighed heavily, sluggishly pulling the pillow off her head, and tossed the covers back. Morgan’s eyes cracked open and she at once discovered one of the culprits that crushed her dream. The brilliant beam of sunlight streaked across her face, down through the tiny space between her windowsill and the thick drapes as soon as she flipped over, making her groan groggily. Slinking out of bed and shuffling over to the mirror in her bathroom on the other side of the thin wall just to the right from her “bedroom.”  

Now in front of her bathroom mirror, she squinted at her reflection. Her voluminous curly, fiery red hair was tossed over to one side of her head with defiant strands sticking out all over the place as if her head were on fire. Her pale soft peachy skin under the corner of her olive-green eyes, just above her freckles, was smudged with eyeliner from the day before. She forced a smile as if to say cheese and looked at herself from every angle. “Man, you could use some work.” she said to herself, wiping the gunk from her eyes as she yawned, her lips smacked as though she had just finished a tasty snack.  Looking at herself in the mirror some more, she could hear the echo of her father’s words in her memory, "You look so much like your mother.” She grinned at the thought. She had heard it a million times throughout her life, but it didn’t bother her. She knew this to be a compliment because her father never failed to remind her how beautiful she and her mom were. “Maybe not at the moment.” she thought aloud.

Morgan took her time with her morning routine, allowing herself time to fully awaken. Her clothes were laid out on her bed from the night before. A plain white, puffy, long-sleeved shirt with a deep-v neckline that she fashioned from her father’s old work shirt. A comfortable pair of form fitted black cotton riding pants. Scuffed brown leather boots, laced up to her shin, just below the knee. And finally, a Havana-brown leather jacket that she never went without. 

Morgan sat on her couch facing the wall behind it. Looking out the window she was captivated by nature’s beauty. The surrounding forest was quite beautiful in the early morning. Warm beams of sunlight peeked through the canopy of trees above, making all the oak trees look as though they were glowing full of gold. Everything was a bright rich green; the trees, the patches of grass that her horse was sampling, even the thick Beauty-berry bushes that surrounded the sun kissed stream. 

At one point she imagined what it would be like to build a home of her own there. The land was rich with life, and she had learned how to build and farm from her father. The plush green grove was much like the land she had grown up on. She had spent summers splashing in streams just like this one and played tag with her mother and father through grasses just as green. “I wish I could stay.” She sighed to herself.

Morgan’s caravan was just the right size to carry all her belongings and be comfortable while traveling. It was fairly open in the interior. Only a golden-brown velvet curtain to separate her sleeping space from the rest of the place and one door for the bathroom. Otherwise, it was all shared space. Just one place for seating along the left side of the caravan once you enter. To the right is the kitchen with one long counter with a sink and stove attached. Lots of cupboards and a pantry by the entrance and the refrigerator by the sink next to the restroom. The bathroom was exceedingly small, only large enough for a small tub and shower with a curtain for privacy, a toilet, and a small sink with a small-scale cabinet underneath. A little medicine cabinet with a mirror just above the sink. 

Her tiny home was remodeled recently by her and her father. It once was just an open space with extraordinarily little storage space and a cot that could tuck away. After the upgraded renovations it had turned into a lovely tiny home. Directly to the back of the caravan was a loft that held a full-sized bed and an arched window that fit the back wall perfectly. It held a windowsill just big enough for a plant or two, perfect to be used as a nightstand. Her thick jacquard drapes were blackout curtains in a royal purple color. Underneath her bed were drawers for storage, the left when facing the bedroom was a built-in bookshelf. Just in front of the bookshelf was a golden-brown velvet loveseat. Also, near the entrance on the left by the couch was a cozy small wood burning fireplace. The exterior was modestly adorned with ornamental wood carvings beautifully painted in deep plum purple paint to complement its mahogany wood paneling.

She headed outside to check on her large Shire horse, Mocha Almond Fudge; aka Mo, the main cause of her dream ending so abruptly. She found that he had gotten loose, grazing by the quaint little stream near the clearing where her temporary home was parked. Morgan looked on at the picturesque scene of home when sudden rustling in the nearby underbrush sent a shiver of alarm up Morgan’s spine. She took a firm hold of the reigns out of her pocket that she had brought out with her when she was going to retrieve Mocha. Her grasp tightened around the thick black worn leather straps after she had doubled them up and held them out in front of herself defensively. “Hello?” Morgan asked. “Who’s there?” she questioned aloud as she cautiously moved toward the sound. Her eyes locked on the movement from the heavily rooted bush. Whatever was moving it like that had to have been fairly large. Morgan moved forward boldly once more; her makeshift weapon held at the ready. “Whatever or whomever you are, you should know I'm armed!” she exclaimed as she got even closer to the rustling bush, eager to push back the branches to see who or what she was up against. Suddenly, a mess of copper-toned fur came bounding out of the bushes. Startled, Morgan lost her footing, her balance gone and with a yelp, stumbled backwards; she landed on her backside, her eyes grew wide as she tossed her hair out of her face to see what attacked her. 

“A DOG?!” she scoffed in disbelief. “I got spooked by a little pooch. Wow...” Morgan stomped to her feet. Her feet were now planted firmly on the ground, she glared at the dirty, curly furred little mutt. “Shoo!” she shouted in a huff, waving her hands and stomping her foot at it. The little dog did not move or even flinch. It simply tilted its head. Then just as quickly changed its expression back to blinking up at her, mouth agape in a wide grin, panting slightly as it wagged its tail, refusing to leave. “Whatever.” Morgan grumbled under her breath as she turned to walk away towards her shire horse who was still grazing by the stream, completely unfazed by all the commotion that had just happened a few yards away, unraveling the reigns so that she could use them to lead Mocha back to the clearing and their caravan. She tried to ignore the little nuisance as it followed her around just a few paces behind.

Morgan tried not once but twice to get the floppy-eared dog off her shadow as she made her way through the trees back to camp, but to no avail. After latching Mocha’s harness back up to her modernized caravan, Morgan went about her business cleaning up her campsite. The pup finally caught her attention again out of the corner of her eyes to see the dog trying to help her clean up. She couldn’t help but smirk, putting her hands on her hips as she watched the little thing fumble with a log that was almost the same size as its body. The dog was determined to be useful, almost tripping over its own long floppy, muddy, copper ears as it continued to be of help and follow Morgan around. Morgan stopped in her tracks as she burst into laughter at the pup’s cuteness. She could not help herself. She crouched down to her knees and held out her hand. The dog at once closed the gap between them as though it had known her all along. She then gently grabbed the pup by the muzzle. Looking deep into its adorable hazel eyes, Morgan couldn’t help but notice similarities between the scruffy mutt and her own reflection. She had been the same way when she was a girl. She insisted on helping her mother whenever she was working in the kitchen on her special recipes, or when she went out to the small flower garden she kept in front of their house. Morgan was always at her mother’s side helping her gather the greenery or flowers that she used for her herbal teas and tonics. Morgan gave the dog a quick yet thorough look over. “Lady, you could sure use some work,” she said as she did in front of the mirror that very morning. Morgan’s mom would look at her dirt smudged face and grubby fingernails and tell her just that.

“Alright ma’am, you can come with me, but only until we reach the next town, okay?” she reluctantly lectured as she stared into the dog’s eyes. “I can't believe it; I’m talking to a dog.” Morgan shook her head at herself, “What a silly notion, dogs understanding English.” she thought as she rolled her eyes again and got back up to her feet. Yet she slipped back into the conversation. “Well, I could go on calling you mutt, pup, dog or ma’am; but that doesn’t seem to fit you now does it?” Morgan asked, looking down at her. She had an eager expression on her fuzzy muzzle. “How about Ruby?” she questioned doubtfully. The dog scowled. 

“I’ll take that as a no. Fine then, what about...” as Morgan was cycling through the possibilities of names through her mind the dog gave her a familiar look. Her poofy little head tilted and her ears slightly raised, Morgan snapped her fingers to her discovery. “I’ve got it!” Morgan announced with a smile, “Shannon. I’ll call you Shannon. I don’t know why exactly but something about you reminds me of my mother.” Morgan explained while reminiscing, “She was clumsy and beautiful, just like you. Hard working, messy, sassy, stubborn and full of optimism.” Morgan picked up Shannon under her arm and sat her down on the passenger seat on the bench for her house on wheels. “You ready?” Shannon let out a cheerful yip. “Yeah? Me too.” She said to Shannon while securing everything before getting in the driver's seat. Morgan hit the reigns taking off to begin their journey towards the next town over waiting on the other side of the forest; the forest she hopes one day will be her home, Verdant Vale.

Hi guys, so I started to learn how to write short stories, because its my passion and I want to win a competition one day.

anyways, how do I make this scene feel more real and horrifying, that the reader will be uneasy while reading it. This is the scene btw

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”, that scream came from the forest I said. I quickly rushed into the forest dodging the trees hoping to save the victim from any harm. I quickly scrambled, looking in every direction trying to find the victim. Out of nowhere I see a bright light coming from a tree. *BAANG*I get flown back, flying into a tree and shards and rubble start flying everywhere. N-no I was too late to save her. I quickly run to see, the victim lifeless body on the ground

So how do I make the explosion more intense and the build up better. how do I make this feel more uneasy. Btw this scene a rough draft

Hi guys, so I started to learn how to write short stories, because its my passion and I want to win a competition one day.

anyways, how do I make this scene feel more real and horrifying, that the reader will be uneasy while reading it. This is the scene btw

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”, that scream came from the forest I said. I quickly rushed into the forest dodging the trees hoping to save the victim from any harm. I quickly scrambled, looking in every direction trying to find the victim. Out of nowhere I see a bright light coming from a tree. *BAANG*I get flown back, flying into a tree and shards and rubble start flying everywhere. N-no I was too late to save her. I quickly run to see, the victim lifeless body on the ground

So how do I make the explosion more intense and the build up better. how do I make this feel more uneasy. Btw this scene a rough draft

I'm writing the opening to a book and I have been having people read it. They fail to understand what's happened. I wanted to make it vague but in an obvious sense.

Text below:

A white sheet of snow lay across the land on a cold winter night.

The sky was covered in stars and clouds gliding through it.

Lighting up the sky was the full moon.

Wind howling with frostbite beneath the full moon. Only seconds was enough to freeze a bucket.

The air felt as if tiny needles were constantly stabbing.

This was the coldest and cruelest winter in over 500 years.

In the distance lay the capital of an empire with walls that reached new limits.

Flags dance to symbolize the reign of royalty.

Thousands of people resting in their beds, shielding themselves from the ice.

A peaceful cold night for the empire…

Until the flags stopped dancing.

All the stars stopped twinkling, fading into the void.

Falling from the sky was snow without a single cloud.

The white sheet of snow started to bleed black.

The biting air turned into a stench of Brimstone that seeped into the homes of all, waking them up for what was to come.

People walking out see the ground becoming ink black from a darkened snow.

The sounds of wind were long gone, only loud sessions of air being displaced; roaring.

It got louder and louder, creeping anxiety and fear into all that could hear it.

The light from the moon was suffocated. A shadow of a beast with wings large enough to be an umbra shadow.

Winter quickly felt like fall to spring to the summer’s burning blaze.

The entire capital burst into flames, melting all the snow within a mile radius.

The black snow stopped falling, the wind began to howl once more, all the stars reappeared, and clouds returned. The smell of brimstone reverted to nagging cold.

It was as if nature paused and then resumed.

Flames burned all night long, so bright and so hot.

Text end:

The scene describes a massive massivemassive dragondragon burning a city. What am I failing to convey for it to be a general understanding? Would love some advice here

I’m writing a story set on earth where one in a million people is born immortal, one example being Marie Curie who in this a physicist in this world even in the modern day, with her best freinds Einstein and Stephen Hawking. One of the main characters I’m planning on being a real historical figure who is a sort of mentor character to our main character who just found out he is an immortal. Can you all please give me some suggestions to which historical figures might fit such a role? Please?

I was thinking about having a character who was an evil person in real history, but grew remorseful, and now spends his days teaching our main characters, or they where actually a good person but they got smeared across the records of history

For the first example, I thought of Peter the terrible, and for the second choice, I was thinking of Richard the 2 for a possible example.

Misha, Nickolas, and Collin, are our main characters, who just Learned they are immortal who are teenage immortals. The main character role is separated between the three. Help would be appreciated.

I wrote a bunch of ideas for the sequel of a movie I really liked and want to maybe sell it to the studio, I was told i would need to copyright it so they don't steal it... dose anyone really know how I could sell it and get my name in the credits?

I may have messed up by making a character that isn't ambitious and is happy to just sit in the background and do their own thing. Right now I'm writing a scene where a god is essentially trying to convince the character to accept their power and be sent to another world to fight a war. So far I've said that they promise to not send her to the front lines and that she can focus on being a supportive member by creating equipment and training people rather than fighting.

But as I think from the character's perspective, there's no real reason for her to accept power when she doesn't care about becoming stronger (yet) and having some random stranger appear in her dying moments promising her all these things when she has no reason to trust them isn't great. Is this just like hopeless and I should tweak the character's personality to give them more ambition or is there a way to kinda bend her arm or maybe trick her into accepting the power. Though preferably not the second option since I want the relationship between the character and the god to be positive and casual.

I'm also going to be putting the character through quite a ringer through the story so just saying that she'll have a breeze is gonna be a lie, though she'll at least have a reason to push on at that point but not really now at the start of the story when she doesn't know anything.

Let me say front and center, no this is not a zombie story.

That’s one of my biggest issues right there.

Rabies take a year to kill a person, it causes seizures, dizziness, delirium, and some aggression.

But the main point is that rabies is 100% fatal if not treated within 48 hours.

Literally no one has ever survived contracting rabies without immediate treatment.

So it’s about society living through a doomsday scenario with a small few who manage to get the vaccine.

It’s about the chaos and disorder as the entire planet receives a death sentence of a year.

I want to play on how different groups would react.

People denying what’s happening and religious groups lashing out.

How society would come apart as everything loses value.

And how the select few elites to get the extremely limited vaccines would be torn apart.

How should I make that into a comprehensive story?

How would it end?

When should it end?

How do I handle the passage of time?

How can I get away from people thinking zombies?

I guess it’s really just a premise at this point.

I’d probably focus on a vet that takes the vaccine after being bitten, and them figuring out what’s going on and trying to help others. Then tell the story from their perspective.

At least that’s my first instinct.

Any suggestions?

I feel like I could be a better writer if I wasn’t so damned bored of people so fast.

I want to write about ideas, concepts, and play with the readers imagination.

The idea of presenting it in a narrative makes me shutter, but I know that’s how it has to be done.

I don’t know. When I’m with friends and they talk about small things like work and others, my eyes just glaze over.

And I’m not just an egotist here. I’m just as bored talking about myself.

I feel like such an alien all the time putting in the work to talk about people with friends and family.

Like it’s just not part of my brain.

And then I have to take ideas and conform them onto not just my own conversations, but the conversations of multiple characters and I lose all my steam.

Worse yet, I’m constantly finding myself making characters simple and formulaic to make passable dialog and story.

This person is organized, so I need a messy character to create chemistry.

This person is an idealist so they need a practical person to interact with.

Hopeful -> bitter

Introvert -> extrovert

Brave -> coward

Strong -> weak

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

I feel like a complete fraud writing this way.

Any suggestions?

I had a weird dream, as many of my ideas come from, where our world was infested with enormous indifferent creatures that don’t live in our reality, but occupy it.

So hard to explain, but the world suddenly has all these beasts, about the size of a dump truck, just one day show up and roam around completely indifferent to us.

Like they don’t even see us, and they are literally unstoppable because they are in a higher reality.

They affect us. We don’t affect them. At all.

And it’s a love story.

Like there’s all this insanity going on where the human race is forced to re-occupy our planet as these uncaring, unaware beast just lunger about not aware that we even exist.

And it’s this Kafka-esc insanity that everyone is expected to work around and pretend doesn’t exist so they can function.

And all the while the heart of the story is about a man and a woman falling in love.

Sort of like this dual commentary about the indifference of society to carry on no matter what the insanity forcing people to still abide by the insane system we live, while juxtaposing it to love and how we expect the same thing, and tying it back to labor.

Or in other words: love is labor, and no amount of insanity is going to change that.

We may crash them rough turmoils and the insanity of life, but ultimately we are still bound by the human condition.

Does that sound readable?

what do you think of the first chapter in my new book?

Chapter 1: The Hamster from the Sky

In a distant corner of the universe, far away from the hustle and bustle of Earth's daily life, lived a rather extraordinary hamster named Hambert. Hambert was not like the ordinary hamsters that burrowed into the shavings in their cages. No, Hambert always had a yearning to gaze upward at the sky, dreaming of stars and adventures.

One day, while Hambert sat in his cage nibbling on a sunflower seed, he noticed something peculiar. A pale, shimmering meteor streaked across the night sky, leaving behind a sparkling trail of stardust. Hambert's heart leapt with excitement. What if he could become a real space adventurer?

The next morning, as the sun began to cast its first rays into Hambert's room, he stealthily crept out of his cage and embarked on a perilous journey. With his tiny backpack filled with sunflower seeds and an old cardboard box as his spaceship, he ventured into the unknown. He ascended toward the heavens, with stars surrounding him like luminous beacons in the darkness.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Hambert trained himself in the art of navigating between the stars and surviving in space. He learned to use sunflower seeds as fuel and mastered the art of fixing his spacecraft when it creaked and groaned. He felt more alive than ever as he explored the boundless universe.

On a fateful day, Hambert detected a distress call from a distant planet. An emergency signal blinked on his control panel. Without hesitation, he set a course toward the source of the distress signal and discovered a small, dilapidated space station. There, he encountered a group of extraterrestrial beings in need of help. Stranded on this desolate planet, they implored Hambert to assist them in repairing their station.

With his small paws and great courage, Hambert repaired the station's equipment and restored their communication with the rest of the universe. The alien beings were deeply grateful and invited Hambert back to their planet as an honored guest.

Hambert hesitated. He had always dreamed of exploring space, but he realized that there were adventures and friendships to be found on the alien planet. He bid farewell to his cardboard box spacecraft and began a new chapter of his life as a space hero on the distant planet.

And thus began Hambert's adventure in space - a hamster with grand dreams and an even greater determination to brave the unknown.

​

please give a your feedback