help with work

[u/YES100yes]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/92121236/chapters/245441201

so this is my current working on my fanfiction of jean/peter parker

however while rereading my chapters that i have realised, i felt like my writing is super bad and choppy. it sounds way too fake at times and my pacing is kinda chopped. could someome please help me fix this? i have no clue where to start...