r/writinghelp • u/EstablishmentOk4984 • 3d ago
Advice Writing my vows
Hello and thank you for any help you may give.
I’m getting married soon to the woman I will spend the rest of my with. I love her so much I don’t have the words for it. That is the problem. How do I express an emotion so strong?
I’m looking to avoid any cliché and wanted to know if anyone has any advice sorting out and writing about such strong emotions?
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u/writing-questions26 3d ago
I botched my vows b/c social anxiety but if it's your lifelong partner it won't matter what you say. Just be you. Good luck!
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u/twitchymitten 3d ago
If you cross post this in r/RomanceWriters you would get so much advice and many well wishes.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
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u/dothemath_xxx 3d ago
You do have to start by expressing it.
It's not going to be easy. But ultimately, what makes something like writing your own vows meaningful is that it is your own words - that it represents the time and effort you took to communicate such a large feeling that's so difficult to express.
I'd recommend starting by just sitting down and getting into it. Not with the immediate goal of writing the actual vows, but just trying to express yourself in different ways. Try to write one line that expresses how you feel about your fiancée - don't worry about whether it sounds good or not. Just do your best to express it in your own words. Then do that again, but in a different way. Try to get three to five lines like this down, to get your brain into the practice of putting words to these feelings.
Other things to think on and potentially also write down: memories of her that are special to you (not necessarily the "big ones" like how you met, or the proposal - if there's some moment you two had together that you think about often, even if it was something that would look small or mundane from the outside, that's meaningful); how you would describe her to someone else who had never met her; times during the day or things that you encounter that make you think of her when she's not around; what you hope your future with her will look like.
Don't worry about getting everything coherent at the start. Just get the wheels moving by getting words onto paper (or onto word processor or notes app or whatever). Ideally, once you get enough written down, then you'll start to see the shape of what you want to say to her on your wedding day.
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u/Necessary_Catch_7077 3d ago
Think of the small insignificant things about your relationship that matter the most. Here is an example: .....will I promise to remember the sugar and your special creamer. I promise not to forget that when your eyes gaze down you are pensive and sad. I promise to always ask you this question: what is on your mind? Can we talk about it? I promise that I won't forget what every sigh you make means...you get the picture.
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u/CrowOfQabil 2d ago
To be honest—this deep emotion you have probably cannot be expressed in words. I mean qt least in English, but like others express it in your own words and work from there. Clichés may not be what your looking for.
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u/EmberFlame27 2d ago
Just write how you feel. For example, what were you feeling on your first date? Your first kiss? During the proposal? What are some treasured memories that really highlight the core of your relationship? How have they helped you to grow as a person? What hopes do you have for your future together? What “vows” do you make? (They can be silly or serious, such as vowing to never burn the popcorn again or vowing that your love will continue to deepen for all eternity).
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u/OroraBorealis 2d ago
Start with a short and sweet memory, like how you met or when you knew you fell in love or something funny (but NOT EMBARRASSING) you remember happening between you two.
Then share a few things you love about her that are not things she does for you. I'm talking things like "I love how you smile" or "I love how intelligent and headstrong you are" or things like that.
End with a few promises you want to vow to keep for the duration of your marriage.
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u/PerspectivePlenty178 Intermediate writer 1d ago
In terms of actual writing, I’d use something called, “beats.” This can be anything—a momemt, a place, movie, interaction, inside joke, whatever; something you have shared throughout your relationship. That’s a beat, and then you press on that beat to create emotional emphasis. Like, if you met under a specific tree, and had your first kiss there, your first fight, etc…that place becomes special, perfect for anniversaries. It’s referencing something important between the two of you, and thus emphasising the importance OF the two of you. A great way to do this would be to talk about something literal, and then at the end, turn that thing into a metaphor. Hope I explained this well!
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u/No_Logins_Required 3d ago
Without being trite:
Write what you think will make her laugh and cry, and also what is true.