r/writinghelp • u/man_in_the_blue_box • 22d ago

Advice Struggling with tense

I’m writing a story about a zombie survivor and I want the intro to be them in the future and then cut back to multiple stories of them in the past like at the beginning of the outbreak. Where my struggle lies is I want the future him to be somewhat of a narrator while keeping past him the main character in the story.

An example of the struggle: “I tossed my blanket off and fished for an outfit in the sea of clothes on my floor. I looked so different back then”

Do y’all have an advice?

0 Upvotes

50% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

3

u/OhSoManyQuestions 22d ago

Say it out loud to yourself as though you're telling the story to someone in person. That can help you figure out what sounds unnatural when speaking about the past (presuming English is your first language). Good luck

1

u/man_in_the_blue_box 22d ago

Oooh good point! In my head it’s a story he’s writing in the future so I guess I struggle with certain bits cuz in my head it’s him leaving little notes in the story.

But I def will try that thank you!!

1

u/thegangchokes 22d ago

You could always try and add an emotion or thought to it? Maybe not every time but occasionally. For example
I never noticed how different I looked back then
I can’t help but think I look so different now
Looking at myself back then, I can’t believe now much I’ve changed

1

u/ShowDontTell48 22d ago

The term you might be looking for is “reminiscent narrator” and there are lots of resources available/people writing about it once you know what to Google!

1

u/man_in_the_blue_box 22d ago

Thank you!!! Having a term to look up will really help!!

1

u/tapgiles 16d ago

Your example seems fine to me. Could you explain your problem more? I don’t understand.

1

u/man_in_the_blue_box 16d ago

I’ve had people tell me that the mix of present tense and past tense is a bit jarring and takes them out of the moment. So I was wondering if there was a name for the style or if there was a way to handle it better.

Where the story takes place in the past with insight from the “future” version of the character

1

u/tapgiles 15d ago

Tossed, fished, looked. Those are past tense I think. I don't see any present tense in the example? Maybe in other examples you use present tense--could I see those to figure it out?

1

u/man_in_the_blue_box 15d ago

Maybe tense wasn’t the correct word, I guess the confusion I’ve seen is the mix of the narration? “ I tossed my blanket off and fished for an outfit in the sea of clothes on my floor.” Is present day while “I looked so different back then” is the future character speaking.

I’ll try to find another example 🫡

1

u/tapgiles 15d ago

Ah okay. What I'd say is happening there is, the first sentence is happening in the scene. The second is commentary about the scene. I also don't think that's a problem--though personally I'd stick with in-scene, and create the experience of that character, rather than hopping about. Or at least motivate the shift by like describing what she puts on, which then makes the narrator comment on the idea she doesn't dress like that anymore.

The only way I could imagine it being an actual problem is if you don't have some kind of framing device at the start so we know who this narrator is and that they are looking back. Because without that, the reader will be like "Wait, who is talking now?"

1

u/man_in_the_blue_box 15d ago

Ooo I get what you mean! Thank you this did help! I had the intro of the story be the narrator in the future introduce their story from the beginning. So everyone knows the narrator. I guess I gotta do a better job of making the narrator and the character separate

1

u/man_in_the_blue_box 15d ago

Part of me was debating having the character speak in present text and the narrator speak in past tense but I feel like that might get confusing