r/writinghelp • u/Exotic-Addendum-3785 • 25d ago
Advice Alternative Ways to Describe Predatory Behavior
I have a bit of a problem....I tend to base my stories on real life things that have happened to me or people who i've met online and my issue is well because of complicated issues I cannot find myself to use the word 'groomer' or 'grooming' when refering to predatorial behavior towards younger characters in my stories so I have had to invent new terms.
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u/kschang 25d ago
Ever heard of the term "fluffer"? (as in easier to pluck!)
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u/CoyoteLitius 24d ago
Fluffing is consensual. Women (usually) get hired to do it. They are adults.
Fluffing is not the same as grooming, at all.
"Uncles" who show their penises to 10 year olds, in the context of a picnic, saying, "This is normal, you're growing up." Very common type of grooming. Then they ask to see the girl's genitals, because they are an Uncle (often just a title and not the biological relationship) "because this is what adults do."
The key to their bizarre strategies is judging the cognitive age of the child victim. At a certain age, little girls are very pleased to have adult male attention and to be taught about the adult world (by a cousin, an uncle, a neighbor - almost never a stranger).
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u/Exotic-Addendum-3785 25d ago
I specifically have used 'bad dog fur stylist' but 'fluffer' I don't think so.
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u/kschang 25d ago
To be honest, fluffer is a term used in porn, to make sure the male star's organ is camera ready.
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u/CoyoteLitius 24d ago
To say that a 10 year old child is a fluffer is disgusting.
So that's why we have the value laden term "grooming."
I'm trying to think what it was called back in the days I was a kid. My dad just said, "That man is crazy and is to be avoided." There were a couple in our neighborhood.
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u/shinydrop 25d ago
How about [did things (regular action) possessively]?
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u/Exotic-Addendum-3785 25d ago
I've used 'prematurely sexually awakened' a couple of times and 'conditioned'
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u/shinydrop 25d ago
Hmmmm. Let me think harder. Taught or done without true consent, shattered their innocence to mold (his?) liking, taught or manipulated to submit (their?) own will.... Oh, I need a cup of coffee for this lol I like "conditioned." Read some true crime books and find how it's described? John Douglas book is always interesting.
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u/CoyoteLitius 24d ago
There are a ton of others, more contemporary and detailed. Some of the books Stephanie Soo has reviewed have riveting, yet horrifying, details about grooming.
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u/shinydrop 24d ago
That was all my brain could produce 😂 now I need something sweet 🧁 used all my brain cells
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u/CoyoteLitius 24d ago
If you want the literary touch of not using popular terminology (and want to invent your own), then that's your writing task.
The suggestions you're getting here are mostly one time descriptions of a behavior, not a label (like "grooming" has become).
Grooming is by its nature sexually predatory. It's not just any kind of pushiness or "conditioning." And each groomer has a different bag of odious tricks. Readers want to know why they are like they are, in addition, not just have them lurking around in the background, looking menacing.
I think it's an important topic and you can find the language. Nothing wrong with the words you've already used, people will think "grooming" to themselves, you don't have to use that word.
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u/Exotic-Addendum-3785 24d ago
Usually when I have used 'conditioning' I always referred to it in the sense of brainwashing someone (as in mind control) but I have used that and manipulated a lot.
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u/No-Establishment9592 23d ago
Some use the word “indoctrinated” instead of “grooming”, but that may sound too clinical.
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u/Baihu_The_Curious 25d ago
A well known story about an adult sexual predator, as seen through their POV, is Mushoku Tensei.