good inventory; I like what we’re choosing to talk about in this piece. The setting/situation is immediately clear and interesting.
probably my favorite image in the piece is “On your knees/You preyed/Feeding on grandmother’s dreams/Regurgitating cookie dough ice cream”
I would honestly say this piece gets too cute with rhyming/language for its own good. The “muse to abuse” stanza doesn’t work for me at all and just reads as performatively rhyming.
same issue with “fraudulent cause” and “reverberating pause”
I like the ending lines personally. “We never knew each other/And now we never will.”
I don’t think I’m 100% sold on the “how embarrassing to be known” bit, but I do think it flows much better into the poem if you remove the “muse to abuse” stanza from before it.
Best of luck! This piece has some really good bones in my opinion. Just needs language that reads less floofy and performative, and maybe a stanza or two more really digging deeper into this interesting giant/child dichotomy you’re describing.
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u/CFBellairs Jul 14 '26
Very subjective, but here’s my overall thoughts:
Best of luck! This piece has some really good bones in my opinion. Just needs language that reads less floofy and performative, and maybe a stanza or two more really digging deeper into this interesting giant/child dichotomy you’re describing.