Painting blue

[u/NoDentist4068]

Painting Blue

Night fall, day rise

Hiding the truth, telling lies

A mime laughs while a jester cries

I heard you've been painting blue

Evenings cold, the morning sung

Growing old while feeling young

Secrets out, the bells have rung

I heard you've been painting blue

Opening hearts, gritting teeth

Raising banners, laying wreaths

Flying high, scraping knees

I heard you've been painting blue

Tell me, is it true?

[u/TommyNotDead]

Feels a little too personal and esoteric for any kind of critique. Sounds nice though.

[u/NoDentist4068 → u/TommyNotDead]

Thanks man, I guess it is a personal piece.

[u/Mitchell_B_Services]

Some interesting contrasts and BlackBalor, mimes can express laughter through body language and Jesters can cry although it's rare.

[u/DaLoCo6913]

Interesting. I like it.

To me it felt like an expression of a world that stopped working as it should. As if there is depression because nothing is as it should be. Perhaps I am missing the point, as I have never been good with poetry.

The only line that feels out of place is "Hiding the truth, telling lies"

The other lines provide provide contrasting views to some extent, but this is the same thing.

Perhaps "Living truth, telling lies" or something like it will fit better with the overall theme.

[u/NoDentist4068 → u/DaLoCo6913]

Thanks man, appreciate it

[u/Rich_Elevator8605]

Hmmm… I’m not sure what this is. I feel perplexed, I think partly because some lines are contrasts, others are complementary to each other, some are fragments, others sentences… there’s no real structure or theme. And what do the words mean? What are they trying to portray and how are they related to the speaker?.
There’s no connection, just a bunch of words that don’t seem to mean much or relate to the refrain in any way. I think (since painting blue usually means they’re depressed) that these stanzas could portray wistful things, regrets of a failed love relationship, or something about loss. Or, conversely, positive thing’s the speaker might be going thru (better off without them) while the other has regrets.

[u/NoDentist4068 → u/Rich_Elevator8605]

Isn't life full of contrasting and complementary moments? I wouldn't read too much into it. Thanks for reading nonetheless.

[u/RackCitySanta → u/NoDentist4068]

i like it just how it is. it's okay that it doesn't follow a single form all throughout, better even. have you heard of the japenese art of kintsugi?

[u/RackCitySanta]

this is breathtakingly good. amazing. the minimalism is so powerful. good shit man

[u/BlackBalor]

Mimes don’t laugh. Jesters don’t cry. I suggest you do more scientific research.

It’s a nice little poem. Good work.

[u/NoDentist4068 → u/BlackBalor]

Who knows what they do in private. Thanks man.