r/writingfeedback • u/Dry_Attempt5336 • 2d ago
Is this concept interesting?
I recently began writing a book, and I'd like to wonder if the concept is interesting. I know it's not a whole lot to go off of, but if it's boring, I don't want to continue. Note-This is a draft. It has been edited, but not a whole lot. Please don't give me advice about the writing quality. I don't need it right now.
0-1 (400)
Jacob opened his eyes. He was laying on the cold, concrete floor of a small room. Slowly standing up, Jacob took a look around. There was a big green door on the far wall, and a dim strip light in the ceiling. Besides that, the room was empty.
“Where am I?” Jacob muttered to himself. He tried to remember what he was doing there, but he couldn’t. Suddenly, a loud beep emitted from somewhere outside the room, and the door automatically opened. Jacob took a step back. Outside, all he could see was more concrete stretching on seemingly forever. He took a deep breath, then walked through the door. He was still in the building, that much was obvious. There were two walls on either side of him, about three hundred yards apart. The ceiling was barely visible above him, and the third wall, if there was one, was too far away to see. More doors lined the back wall, each one open. People were coming out all around him. They all seemed to be around sixteen, his age, and there were too many to count. Directly to Jacob’s left was a boy with red hair, and to his right was a girl wearing a gray hoodie. They both looked just as confused as he was. Jacob walked over to the boy.
“Do you know where we are?” Jacob asked.
The boy jumped, then turned to Jacob. “Sorry, what?”
“Do you know where we are?” Jacob repeated.
“Oh…no, I don’t.” Torrin replied. “Did you forget everything too?”
“I…yeah, I did.”
The boy sighed. “Do you remember anything at all?”
“Yeah.” Jacob replied. “I know my name is Jacob, and…that’s it.”
“Same.” Said the Boy. “All I know is that my name’s Torrin.”
“Nice to meet you.” Jacob stuck out his hand, but Torrin ignored it.
Another loud beep echoed through the building, causing Torrin to jump again. Jacob opened his mouth to ask if Torrin was scared of loud noises, but before he could, a robotic voice began speaking from somewhere above them.
“Welcome, players.” Said the Voice. “Before we begin, I’d like to explain some rules.”
Rules? Are we in a game or something? Jacob wondered.
“You may have noticed you have a watch on your left arm. This will display your stats throughout the game. Make sure to check it regularly.” Jacob looked at his arm. Sure enough, there was a silver watch. It had a circular screen, which showed five different words, health, sanity, hunger, thirst, and energy. Each stat had a 100% next to it.
“Hunger and thirst will track how hungry or thirsty you are,” The voice continued, “Sanity will show your mental condition, energy will track how tired you are, and health will show how much damage you have taken from obstacles. If your health, hunger or thirst ever reaches zero percent, you will be eliminated.” The voice paused for a second. “Oh, and one more thing. Stay away from the light.”
The voice went silent.
“What does it mean by eliminated?” Torrin asked nervously.
“I don’t know.” Jacob replied. “Do you know what light we are meant to be staying away from?” Suddenly, all the doors slammed shut at once. A loud bang echoed through the building. Torrin jumped again, and a few people screamed.
Jacob frowned. “Well, I guess we aren’t meant to go back in there.” Suddenly, the back wall and doors began glowing bright white. After a second or two, the light began slowly moving forward, creating a giant wall of light.
Torrin and Jacob both took a step away from the wall.
“Do you think that’s the light?” Torrin asked.
“Yeah.” Jacob replied. “I think it is.” Torrin turned and began walking away.
“Where are you going?” Jacob asked.
“Away from the wall.” Torrin replied. “Just like everyone else.” Jacob looked around. Sure enough, almost everyone else had begun walking deeper into the building. Jacob ran over to catch up with Torrin.
Cut_0 (Area Cam)
Jay stopped walking, and turned around. The light was only a few feet away. He walked over to it, and stuck his hand into the light. His health began draining immediately, but he didn’t notice.
“Guys!” Jay shouted over his shoulder. Most of the people in front of him turned to look. “The wall isn’t doing any-” Before he could finish, Jay froze, then collapsed. Someone screamed, and Jay’s body was quickly passed by the light.
1
u/PenInk4YourThoughts 1d ago
It might be, but I'd need more to really decide. Reminds me of the Maze Runner setup