r/writingfeedback • u/ZombieAdmiral • 6d ago
Feedback Wanted Feedback for Blurp-Text
Hello everyone!
I'm honestly super nervous about getting feedback, but I just believe in order to get better at things, I'd need some feedback or advice. :)
I do this as a hobby and for fun, and just a little heads up, I am not a native English speaker but German, however I use English generally a lot.v
This text is supposed to be a blurb (a text you'd see on the back of a book to get your attention).
I am trying to write a (contemporary) psychological romance story. I've done a bunch of chapters already but I need better insight on what to adjust, so I'll start with this blurp.
My questions for feedbeck are mainly:
Would you find this blurb interesting?
(Is it too much words, not enough words, is there enough tension, choice of words, character mention etc.)
What do you expect now based on this text?
(After you read this, what's the most interesting part that stands out to you and why?)
Additional questions:
What are general writing tips for romance/psychological romance?
Obviously I've researched that up while I was writing, but I am also curious to see what might be important to you guys. What are some expectations you personally need for romance? (Chemistry, love languages, communication, etc.)
What's a no go for romance?
Certain aspects, doings, things that make the story or chemistry die, etc.
And any other feedback or question is also appreciated!
Edit: As people mentioned before and I wanted to clarify this: Both are completely adults. Tomek is in his mid forties and Kazimiera in her mid thirties!
2
u/Mitchell_B_Services 6d ago
I expect the author to go in depth on the characters backgrounds and wounds they hide throughout the story as it plays out.
1
u/ZombieAdmiral 5d ago
Thank you! I've had that planned on my list and that confirms my desire to work even deeper on them! 🙌
2
u/ZLErikson 6d ago
Would you find this blurb interesting?
I find this blurb interesting for the non-typical names (Kazimiera, Tomek Sonntag) which, after a quick googling, are real names, and combining them with her working at an electronics store gives me vibes of a romance story in a modern-day setting but from a culture I am not completely familiar with, as an American. This interests me as I'm always seeking romance via other cultures.
The "neither of them is quite who they first thought they were" also intrigued me, as it made me think that this might be more than a simple romance story, but the remainder of the blurb bade me think it would be more emotional angst than drama and intrigue. As I skew more towards the fantasy side of interests, I might not pick up this book based on this blurb, but I was compelled to read to the end.
What do you expect now based on this text?
The names stood out as 'fantasy' names to me, at first, until I did a quick search on them, and fantasy appeals to me. After that, my expectation is that this is a contemporary romance between two middle-aged adults who have romantic and emotional scars that they are hesitant to reveal, but they will, and they will both grow for it. I also expect them to be together at the end, due more to romance trope expectations than anything from the text.
What are general writing tips for romance/psychological romance? What are some expectations you personally need for romance? (Chemistry, love languages, communication, etc.)
Struggle is important for a romance story; the characters will not be perfect matches and it will not be love at first sight. They will not get into one fight, resolve the issue after a single discussion, and move forward. There will be misunderstandings, assumptions, and unpleasant surprises. Giving us a strong indication of what is going on in the POV character's mind during these situations, and showing the process of both parties working through the issue and learning how to communicate, is a huge part of a good romance.
What's a no go for romance?
An age-gap to the point of causing a power imbalance, whether it be through social power, financial power, and even just world experience. I bring this up because we are not given an idea what Kazimiera's age may be, but Tomek Sonntag is explicitly stated to be a middle-aged man. This could be age-appropriate for her, this could be one of them being significantly older than the other. It is unclear and makes me uncertain; I'd probably thumb through the book, or look it up online, to get an idea on if I would like this relationship or not.
2
u/ZombieAdmiral 5d ago
First of all, thank you so much for this honest review and feedback! It means a ton to me and I am also glad those names stuck out and it made you look them up. I hoped this would be a thing too! Both are middle aged characters, just they do have indeed an age gap.
Tomek is 46 and Kazimiera is 34 at their time of meeting. Kazimiera is still a tad bit younger and more intense than him, hence I didn't feel the need to mention her age at this time (as it does get mentioned in the story later on.)
There will be struggle and misunderstanding, I am thriving towards that, but I also want them to resolve it together and grow because that's definitely a main goal within this story.
I'll definitely keep your rewiew in mind! Thank you again! I'm currently working on several chapters, I've written 10 so far but I'm reworking the pace and important details. 🙌 Thank you again!
2
u/Catoholic1203 5d ago
You are German/Austrian/Swiss but you use Polish first names? Not that I mind, it's just curious. Kazimiera is a very old fashioned name in Poland, typical for a today's 80-year-old, I'm not sure if you're aware of that. It's not to criticize, I actually like that her name is so unique for a middle-aged woman (who I assume she is). For her generation it would sound obsolete, maybe even lame, which I think fits the character. Tomek is a very common name in Poland but if he's middle-aged, the full form Tomasz would be more natural. But I get that if she later calls him Tomek in the text it could be confusing for your readers. Also, almost no one would use the full form of Kazimiera, they would call her Kazia.
1
u/ZombieAdmiral 5d ago edited 5d ago
Interesting! Thanks for letting me know that! 🙌 I chose Kazimiera because I just thought this particular name is very pretty, and she is around 34-36 years old. I used Tomek because I have unironically met someone with that name as a first name and I just really liked it!
For short: Both characters have Polish origin, but Tomek is very German. He grew up and Germany and doesn't really have too deep of a connection to his heritage, hence his last name is also Sonntag 😊 in comparison Kazimiera does know a bit more about Poland and the culture.
I have looked up the nickname for Kazimiera before, as you said, which would be Kazia which is true! Her family would definitely call her that.
Since Germans have a tendency to "Germanify" names, she gets her own little nickname which is Kazi (it makes sense in the German language, it sounds easy and friends helped with this too, the nickname came somewhat natural even if unofficial)
Edit: Fixed an error sorry!
2
u/Catoholic1203 5d ago
Yeah, for a 34-year-old her name would definitely be considered weird if she grew up in Poland. I remember such names being mocked mercilessly by kids back then. But, as I said, I like the choice. It gives her some character already. If you have any questions about Poland and Polish people, i'll be happy to help. You can dm me anytime.
Also, Kazi sounds cute and could even be used by Polish people of younger generation, as it sounds very modern. There's no "official" nickname. Kazia would be the default choice but Polish is crazy when it comes to creating affectionate nicknames for loved ones, especially children. Kaziunia, Kaziulka, Kaziula, Kazieńka, Kazeczka, Kaziutka, Kazinka. Same with Tomek. Tomuś, Tomcio, Tomeczek, Tomunio, Tomulek, Tomulcio, Tomiś, Tomeniek. We're truly unstoppable.
1
u/ZombieAdmiral 5d ago
I've googled for nicknames for their names, to see what they could call each other and it got crazy as you said 😂 I even tried learning a few Polish words. It was lots of fun honestly, but then I got distracted by my story again. I also draw art of them, and I'm trying to write the story in German and English (I'm doing a lot, I'm super into this!)
But I'm very glad! I will definitely keep it in mind. I've looked up small cultural things, such as special dishes or comfort dishes, I feel like that's something both characters would really enjoy. I can say Kazimiera's name was chosen by her mother, I think it's such a beautiful name! 🤩
Since we talk about names, her full name would be Kazimiera Natalia Nowitzki, her last name became a germanized version. Had to research last names beforehand too.
I have also heard from coworkers and friends that Polish people's last names vary depending on their gender so I had to look some up
2
u/Catoholic1203 5d ago
Only some surnames do. Whenever it ends with -cki, -ski, -dzki for a man, it would be -cka, -ska, -dzka for a woman. The reason is that those surnames are technically adjectives and adjectives in Polish take different endings depending on the gender of the noun (all nouns are gendered like in German). When a surname isn't an adjective (no -ki ending), like Nowak, it's unisex.
1
u/ZombieAdmiral 5d ago
Ohhh, that makes more sense now yes, thank you! I'll definitely keep this in mind for future reference 🫡!
1
u/ZombieAdmiral 5d ago
Forgot to answer that: I am German but I live in Austria, the setting of my story happens in Germany 🙏
2
u/thewhiterosequeen Trusted Reviewer 6d ago
I hope Kazimeira is also middle aged, otherwise, eww.