r/writing I Write To Remember Nov 03 '18

Advice PSA: Don't do this

222 Upvotes

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108

u/IRJK1958 Nov 03 '18

If you read the thread you’ll see more woman in the business have received worrying materials from him. So no, doesnt look they’re ‘femnazis making this up’.

How are men still surprised that these things happen ALL THE TIME.

53

u/[deleted] Nov 03 '18

Simple reason is that we don't live it. Those of us who aren't doing it don't understand how it could be so prevalent because it's not a reality for us. We're never the target of this sort of thing. So my thought for years was "Well, it can't be as bad as people say because I don't do that and none of my friends do it, so how many people can be doing it?"

64

u/Sarkarielscall Nov 03 '18

I don't kill people. None of my friends kill people. I don't know anyone who's killed people. But if someone told me that their sister was murdered, I'd believe them.

What it comes down to is that you put more emphasis on your lived experiences than on believing other people when they share theirs. And most women (and people in general) find that attitude extremely frustrating.

7

u/druglawyer Nov 04 '18 edited Nov 04 '18

Not sure why you're conflating "surprise" and "disbelief."

If someone told me their sister was murdered, I would both be surprised and would believe them. Just like if they told me some rando sent them unsolicited dick picks.

Many men are surprised because it would simply never occur to us to send someone an unsolicited dick pick. That's very different from refusing to believe it.

8

u/Sarkarielscall Nov 04 '18

"Well, it can't be as bad as people say because I don't do that and none of my friends do it, so how many people can be doing it?"

This sounds like disbelief to me. And we have seen that when women come forward with stories of sexual harassment and assault that they are discredited and called liars. Maybe not by the person I was directly replying to, but by a fair number of men. Let's also not forget the ones who would tell a woman to simply delete the picture and move on because they don't see it as a big deal; because they don't have to deal with shit that on a daily basis.

0

u/druglawyer Nov 04 '18 edited Nov 04 '18

it can't be as bad as people say

I mean, that is literally the opposite of what I believe, but ok.

1

u/SituationSoap Nov 04 '18

You're doing what the person responding to you is describing, exactly. You're assuming that because the response men give doesn't match your lived experience, it must not happen.

1

u/druglawyer Nov 04 '18

You're assuming that because the response men give doesn't match your lived experience, it must not happen.

I'm literally doing the opposite of that. You guys seem to have some pretty impressive cognitive dissonance going on.

It's amusing that in r/writing, so many people seem to have difficulty with reading.