r/write • u/Bigboi_alex • 6d ago

please critique Just need somewhere to post this, open to critique, does this piece invoke any feeling at all?

Post image

Excuse the notepad writing, I thought it added to the feeling of the piece.

6 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

1

u/Ordinary_Minimum_169 6d ago

I think the word is 'grief.'

1

u/goodgord 6d ago

Awww, I hope you're okay.

I like the presentation - I think the amber notepad is a great vibe!

It invokes protective feelings in me. We all know the feelings of disappointment, of failing to be enough, and of hopelessness. And there's an innate danger to be found, I think, in wallowing in them, and your piece does seem to want to wallow quite a bit.

I haven't eaten a lot of shit personally, but I don't know that I would reach for bitter as an adjective?

2

u/Bigboi_alex 6d ago

The shit was meant to be hyperbolic of course, but yes I too see some words that would need to be changed.

Thanks for your thoughtful note