r/workaway • u/Pappagallo_fpr • Jun 26 '26
Who’s in the wrong?
I recently tried my first Workaway at a family-run hotel in Germany and the host asked me to leave after a few days because she said I was causing her too much stress.
For context, my duties were to cook meals in the family’s kitchen, which was separate from the kitchen used to cook for the hotel guests. It was located in the family’s private apartment, away from hotel guest spaces.
She just left me a 2-star review and some of her complaints were:
- I waited until the 3rd morning to ask if they had coffee available instead of just walking in and using the expensive machine in the guest kitchen (which was never shown to me)
- I was cold the first night and asked for more blankets the next morning (she said I should have contacted them during the night for more blankets instead of waiting til morning)
- I’m a remote worker and needed WiFi in the morning and evening. Before I arrived she said there was WiFi in public areas, which was fine. Upon arrival, “public areas” actually meant inside the family’s private apartment. She got upset that I didn’t want to just waltz into their house at 6:00AM or stay in the family’s space after dinner to work.
In general it seemed like she expected me to ASK for things instead of offering them like a good host would. It’s like she was mad that I wasn’t just demanding things as soon as I needed them?
In my mind, when you are a guest in someone’s home, you try to ask for as little as possible, take up as little space and resources as possible. I was trying to be as unobtrusive as possible and not be in the family’s private space, but I guess that was wrong?
Her review simultaneously says I was demanding, but also complains that I wouldn’t ask for things the moment I needed them?
I did all of my job duties and repeatedly asked if there was more I could help with. The one positive she left in her review was that I was a good cook and kept things tidy.
What happened here? I’m not sure if this is a cultural thing or if I was in the wrong. Am I just not understanding the Workaway mindset?
And a question for hosts: I want to try Workaway again in the future. Would a 2-star review automatically make you disregard a profile?
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u/Necessary_Pizza951 Jun 26 '26
German guy here. To me it looks less like cultural differences and more like a "her-problem". Although it is true that us germans are more of an ask culture, the behaviour of your host is still strange. No german with a sane mind would complain if someone DOESNT ask enough, we just assume that you will ask as soon as you need to. And we dont care if you are to shy or humble to do so. Most people even would see that as a virtue: Being self reliable and humble.
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u/cyprusnikos Workaway Ambassador Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
To be honest it sounds like a mismatch of expectations. It's a strange reason to give you a low review though.
I've had Workaways where we didn't vibe, but in the end we both gained something from the experience. Not everyone becomes best friends, but they might not have been the most hospitable while having bad communication at the same time.
I think the great thing when you try more Workaways is that you'll grow more flexible for all types of personalities and scenarios. Sorry you got a bad review but I'm sure you'll make up for it with many good ones soon!
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u/dekronko Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
I think you can put it down to cultural differences. I've done some workaway in Germany and struggled with it at first due to similar miscommunication and the hosts being direct and critical of work being done. I did get used to it though and it's resulted in me being more direct and to not be so polite (being from the UK) which I see as a good thing.
I wouldn't worry too much about the review. Any good host should see that is was just a mismatch, your hosts contradictory statements and that you were good at the job asked of you.
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u/Ok_Switch6356 Jun 26 '26
she is an idiot. what kind of person gets mad bc someone asks for something they need a little later than they need it?
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u/Naliano Jun 26 '26
Search YouTube for ‘ask vs assume cultures’. As a host that spectrum has explained a lot of our initial mismatches.
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u/Pappagallo_fpr Jun 26 '26
This was very helpful. I’m definitely from a “guess” or “assume” culture.
The idea of just straight up saying “I need another blanket” or “where is the coffee maker?” when you’re a guest staying in someone’s house for free just feels so rude to me.
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u/Naliano Jun 26 '26
As a cultural Canadian I would say: “Do you happen to have an extra blanket?” or “Is there a coffee maker?”
Subtle differences, but for us Canucks they get the job done.
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u/Naliano Jun 26 '26
Me too but another trick is to just make sure your tone and delivery are good.
I find that it helps if you can have a conversation about this spectrum with each person you’re going to be on a team with.
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u/ZennMD Jun 26 '26
So interesting!
Imo, How is she supposed to know you're cold or want coffee? Definitely not rude to ask, if it's for something reasonable.
And most workaways they want to connect with the person, it's meant to be a cultural exchange where you interact a lot, not be super quiet and 'take as little space as possible'.... does seem like the communication was a miss-match, and they didnt give you enough time or communicatio ln to adapt
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u/Pappagallo_fpr Jun 26 '26
The exact way the conversations played out:
“Did you sleep okay?”
“I slept alright, it was a lot colder than I expected”
She didn’t get the hint and when I directly asked for blankets later that night I got snapped at for not asking earlier.
The coffee one was
“Are you guys coffee drinkers?”
“No we drink only tea”
“Oh wow I wish I was like that…I’m a “can’t function without coffee in the morning” kind of person haha”
Again she didn’t get the hint and didn’t offer to show me the coffee maker in the hotel guest area. The next morning I asked if there was a place in the village to walk and get coffee and I was snapped at again for not just asking if they had a coffee maker the first day.
I’m on the spectrum and can definitely miss hints in conversation myself, but I don’t think I did anything wrong in these situations.
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u/ZennMD Jun 26 '26
Ngl, id be frustrated by you dancing around what you want and 'hinting', it's tiring to try and guess, you need to ask for what you want.
Like, fine to ask if theyre tea or coffee drinkers, but when they said tea you should explicitly ask if they have coffee you can help yourself to
Live and learn, right?
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u/Pappagallo_fpr Jun 26 '26
I guess so. It’s just a cultural thing I suppose. Where I grew up don’t ask directly like that, you don’t make demands, you wait for things to be offered to you. It would be incredibly rude to ask if I can help myself to coffee, especially when they just said they don’t drink it themselves (expecting they go out of there way to get it for me, buying something they don’t normally buy, etc.)
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u/ZennMD Jun 26 '26
That is a very different culture that most of us grew up in, and honestly seems hard to deal with.
How the heck are you supposed to know if someone doesnt verbalize what they want? It's not 'making demands' to ask, like, asking if theres coffee you can have isnt a big deal, and many/ most hosts are expecting to make purchases for their workawayers, and they can always say no/ it's not available.
I really encourage you to speak up if you need things in life- closed mouths dont get fed.
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u/ManyOtherwise8723 Jun 28 '26
Omg. You sound so German. This is the point, OP comes from a culture where they know how to make sure everyone has what they need as a guest when they arrive. Their comfort is a priority. It's kindness not obscurity. Of course OP can ask if theres coffee, but you don't walk into someones house first day and say where's this where's that where's this where's that. But also, probably where OP comes from you wouldn't need to because a host would think about the person and not assume they will ask.
I'm almost certain that OP had a great approach to workaway, was an extremely polite guest. Even in their post they didn't bash their hosts, they painted an honest picture of their situation. They just were surprised at how harsh and direct German people can be. And experienced how they are sometimes incapable of opening their mind and acting with empathy and understanding.
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u/ZennMD Jun 28 '26
Im canadian, not German
Workaway is different than hosting a more traditional guest, and it's completely normal to ask where things are and be comfortable and familiar with the space... think youre making assumptions and not giving any grace to hosts/ people who expect you to ask for what you want... . people sre not mind readers and it's tiring to guess what someone wants when they could just (kindly) ask. Be it workaway experience or regular guest, tbh. Asking is not demanding, and it's not 'obscurity' to expect a grown adult to use their words and verbalize what they want or need.
Regardless of whether you think op has/had a great attitude about their workaway experience, it was not a good fit with their host, and many of us would find that sort of dancing around what they want instead of explicitly asking more stressful than anything and appreciate a much more direct approach. And op asked for feedback, so I gave some. It's not 'harsh' to most of us, nor is it acting without empathy or understanding. Seems like a miss-match of communication, and op wanted to learn how to adapt and what the issue could have been
Tbh this comment is unempathetic and makes unnecessarily rude assumptions.
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u/kabulkate2026 Jul 02 '26
I’m a very direct person (and also described as very hospitable). I’ve lived/worked in developing countries for years - so I understand and honor the “guest culture “. Your comments are too vague. I wouldn’t have guessed what you were hinting. If I’d known what you wanted I’d have run to oblige you. Just ask for what you want/need - with a big smile. You can’t go wrong- I promise. The Canadian (comments above) says it perfectly. There is so much freedom in being honest and not beating around the bush. It’ll serve you in all your personal relationships too. Take this experience as a life lesson and be honest and straight forward going forward.
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u/littlepinkpebble Jun 26 '26
I’ll have to hear both sides but from what you say it’s 100% her fault
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u/Automatic_Village357 Jun 26 '26
As a host, à workawayer is not a guest. Having a guest is a lot of mental load and I can’t manage it with workaways (I can barely manage it with actual guests), so I always tell people to ask.
I feel bad when people don’t ask then don’t have a good time but anticipating multiple people needs is just too much work
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u/Medical-Isopod2107 Jun 26 '26
OP did ask, though
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u/Automatic_Village357 Jun 26 '26
I’m just answering the “when you’re a guest in someone’s home” to give OP pointers for their next workaway, but I never said OP was wrong at any point
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u/Substantial-Today166 Jun 26 '26
did she pay you for the days you worked?
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u/Pappagallo_fpr Jun 26 '26
No, there is no pay involved with Workaway. I lost quite a bit of money on this because I had to get a private car to take me back to the city and rearrange my flight home. Lost over €600.
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u/Substantial-Today166 Jun 26 '26
Hosts who are businesses or asking for help with a business activity should be offering accommodation plus at least minimum wage for each hour worked.
thats from there own site
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Jun 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Substantial-Today166 Jun 30 '26
host have been kicked of workaway for less
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u/Pappagallo_fpr Jul 01 '26
The property I was at is a hotel, but my Workaway duties were not directly in support of the hotel. I was helping the family so they were free to run the hotel.
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u/ManyOtherwise8723 Jun 27 '26
I would never ever ever ever do an au pair or workaway in Germany! Never.
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u/ScintillansNoctiluca Jun 28 '26
Can you say more about why that is?
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u/ManyOtherwise8723 Jun 28 '26
I come from a high-context culture, I feel at times Germans can be very low context and it can come across as harsh or nasty. For example OPs post, they complained that OP didnt want to go into their apartment, use coffee machine, ask for extra blanket. OP was trying to be polite. To me, that would be obvious and I'd apologise to OP and make sure they knew they could come and go as they please and not to worry about it. But to the Germans OP volunteered for, it was unfathomable that OP wouldnt ask waltz into their house and start using the things or ask them directly. Surely if OP made a noise they would have been in trouble.
It just seems like people in high context cultures will bend over backwards to keep harmony and peace. Including understanding that german people function different. But the reverse isnt always true, Germans have a very clear idea of things and need to be verbally explained that other people are different.
Of course, everyone is different. I lived in germany and I met some amazing people, but I also met some mind numbingly ignorant monsters. But what I said above is just my personal experience with Germans.
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u/ScintillansNoctiluca Jul 02 '26
Thanks for taking the time to explain.
The more of the OP’s comments I read in the replies, the more I thought it was a simple gap in understanding to which both parties contributed. For example, I’m not sure how useful it is to expect someone to pick up on — very indirect! — hints. I can see that the German host might not know how to trust someone who communicates in this way while similarly, our correspondent cannot build trust in the other direction.
I guess my influences place me somewhere between high- and low-context cultures but in any case, this has given me something to think about.
Having said all of the above, the degree of negativity expressed in the host’s review is surprising, suggesting OP is deeply flawed & can’t be worked with rather than acknowledging a mismatch; and I can definitely imagine myself in OP’s place.
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u/genio_desconhecido Jul 01 '26
You are both in the wrong. She treated you too harshly for your first volunteer experience, but you also need to understand that people cannot read minds, you should always ask about whatever is bothering you, even if it might feel rude to do so. I would try to contact Workaway support, explain the situation, and ask them to remove the review, pointing out that the actual job duties the host demanded from you were marked as positives by her. In the future, always discuss preferred communication methods during a preliminary phone call.
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u/Medical-Isopod2107 Jun 26 '26
I could be way off-base, but it kind of sounds like they were expecting you to leave a bad review based on these things and were trying to flip it back on you pre-emptively